As long as celebrities have holes, Pipedream, a Porn Valley sex toy company and promoters of discreet, ersatz romance, is ready to make a knockoff love doll exploiting them.
We’ve seen recent instances of Tiger Woods, Kim Kardashian, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, Pamela Anderson, Beyonce and now Lady Gaga receiving the special vinyl treatment.
Frankly, we love Pipedream’s entrepreneurial spirit and fool-proof business model. Make an unauthorized but grotesque, sexual parody; put it on the market in timely fashion with some clever taglines [Miley’s achy breaky love holes], grab the cheap publicity and hope your sales far outweigh the value of your lawsuits.
If you’re really lucky, the celebrity won’t bother to take you to court or would feel too humiliated to indulge in a demeaning, public street fight. Which is what Pipedream seems to be banking on.
A little history is in order. The love doll, an invention of Count Casimir DelaBriofski, the reputed architect of the sewers of Paris, first appeared in the seventeenth century.
Designed with throwaway rags or any discarded refuse that appeared hump-able, the doll served the purposes of toothless, scurvy-ridden French and Spanish sailors when cabin boys weren’t available on those long ocean voyages. Napoleon is said to have carried one with him into battle when his syphilis drippings became a little too obvious and annoying to the ladies of the Parisian court. Al Capone was also said to have smuggled one into Alcatraz.
But design-wise, nothing much has changed over the centuries. If you think that a head of stiff, Brillo-textured Halloween hair, stubby legs and clown mouth are really Lady Gaga’s, then perhaps you should be talking to someone with professional credentials.
Seeing as how we at Adult Cyber Mart, www.adultcybermart.com always have the nose for the breaking story, our snitches inform us about the latest love doll fad.
What makes this newsworthy, however, is not so much the subject matter but the fact there’s now a knockoff company to Pipedream – Pipefitters Local 69 located in Reseda, Ca.
Pipefitters’ first product on the market will be an Amy Winehouse-Kathy Griffin lesbo lovepack [pump sold separately]. According to the advance, the Winehouse portion of the distaff duo comes with removable decal tattoos, a cocaine mustache and weekend pass from rehab, whereas Griffin will do stand-up while you’re sitting down.
A win-win situation, as we see it, for interested purchasers.