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Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet

from Prolific cult director Fred Olen Ray has gone from underground nudity-filled horror/comedy classics like 1988’s Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers into what I like to call a more pronounced porn-lite mode in recent years, generally operating under the nom de plume of Nicholas Medina (one of his many alter egos). It’s Medina’s name on this one, a sex-heavy sci-fi flick ostensibly about an alien race seeking male breeders from Earth, but is more accurately a series of puns and jokes sandwiched between any and all imaginable combinations of positions and couplings.

But like I said, it’s porn-lite, which means that despite all the grinding, humping, bending, kissing, caressing, and chewing there is an obvious absence of any actual penetration and/or what is often referred to as a “money shot”, which is what separates a film like this from your run-of-the-mill porno. All of the players are quite attractive (and a few are legitimate adult film stars), and the sex scenes are admittedly very erotic and certainly not unpleasant at all to look at, but it falls into that weird area between not-quite-hardcore and a well-chiseled fakery of going through the motions.

Christine Nguyen and Syren-who at one point are referred to as “cyber dykes”-are the brave explorers from the planet Aquaterra, who direct their boob-shaped spacecraft to our planet, under the direction of Rebecca Love’s Queen Morganna, who is clearly in charge because she has very large, unfettered breasts. There’s some blah-blah hokum subplot on Earth, but it is just a lead-in to the next sex scene (including a three-on-one pile for the apparently lucky Alex Sanders), and while it is all pretty to look at it just seems like a big tease in the end.

The attempts at jokes are pretty weak, but I guess since the women look so good nude that it somehow is supposed to make the material funnier. It doesn’t really do that, so Fred Olen Ray/Nicholas Medina is left to just go through the motions, filling time between sexual-organ-free onscreen sex with cornball dialogue. There must be a market for this stuff, though I’m not sure exactly where, and it’s unfortunate a talented guy with an obvious sense of camp like Fred Olen Ray is stuck making a recent string of nearly identical, forgettable films.


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