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from www.chicagotribune.com – Q: I am a 17-year-old guy. I am sexually active. How do I tell my parents that my girlfriend and I want to be porn stars and tell them it’s all right, that it’s all about love, living a fantasy and storytelling?

A: The way you phrase your question tells me that you are naive and should listen to your parents when they hit the roof. You say making porn movies is about storytelling, but do you really think the people who watch these films really care about the story — and even more so, the people who produce these films? With regard to the latter, it’s all about making money, and the producers don’t care what happens to their “stars” afterward. I’m not against the existence of erotica, and so I can’t honestly say that no one should be a porn star. But from the way you phrase your question, I can say that you haven’t thought this through, and I sincerely hope that you listen to your parents.

Q: My husband and I are in our 20s and have been married for a few years. I used to agree to sex when I really didn’t want it, but I stopped doing that during the past year because I felt like I was not involved in my own sex life.

My husband asks for sex at least once a day, but I would be fine having sex once every week or two. I don’t feel emotional during sex and don’t feel like I need that as an outlet in order to feel close to him — but he does.

Our relationship is great, but this has led to some arguments. I feel really horrible that I’m causing him to be sexually frustrated. What can we do?

A: I never say that a couple should have sex a particular number of times a week, so I’m not basing what I’m about to say on how often you want sex, but it seems to me that your overall reaction to sex is a little bit off. If you were in my office, I’d want to explore your overall relationship.

I’d want to know if there were aspects of your relationship that were making you averse to having sex. It could be something like your husband not pulling his weight with the household chores, which would cause you some resentment, which in turn would lower your desire for sex.

I don’t know enough about you two to guess what is at the bottom of this problem, but my advice to you would be to investigate what might be behind your attitude, perhaps even with the help of a marriage counselor.

Q: I’m 21 and my boyfriend is 32. I have a very high sex drive (much higher than his), and I love sex and am open to trying anything once. A few days ago we were having sex, and I could feel that the mood wasn’t right, like we weren’t into it no matter what position we tried. After I just decided to give up, he was like, “Yeah, I’m kind of bored.”

No one has ever said that to me (I don’t think I’m boring). Anyway, we haven’t had sex again yet. Should I be worried?

A: His statement could have meant that he was bored at that particular time, and it seems that this sexual episode wasn’t very exciting for you, either (and that happens), or it could have meant a lot more, like he is bored with the entire relationship — or anything in between. I think the two of you need to have a talk.

This incident upset you, and rather than bury it under the rug, bring it out into the open and explore how you’re both feeling. There’s a risk that this may end the relationship — not that I think that’s necessarily so, just that it’s a risk — but it also could bring you a lot closer. But if you just let this simmer under the surface, even if you go back to having sex, the likelihood is that at some point it will rise up, and if enough time has elapsed so that it has grown and grown, the consequences could be much worse.

Q: My boyfriend is 20 years of age and has never touched himself. He has an extremely serious personality, and he usually will do anything I ask in bed except that. He finds it embarrassing and weird. I’m his first, and I think him not “exploring” makes him a little less experienced. Is my boyfriend so-so in bed because he never masturbated?

A: I draw a different conclusion than you do based on your evidence. If he won’t masturbate in front of you, my guess is that it embarrasses him, because, since he does masturbate and may be ashamed of it, he doesn’t want to admit that he does it by performing in front of you. And seriousness has nothing to do with whether one masturbates. Since you don’t define what you mean by “so-so,” I can’t speculate on what makes him tick, but I don’t think the problem is based on him never having masturbated.

Write to Dr. Ruth at drruth.com.