Porn Valley- Kick Ass Pictures p.r. guy Jef Hickey https://www.adultfyi.com/read.aspx?ID=5896 was a guest on Kylie Ireland’s Show Thursday night [2-17-2005].

“I would describe Jef as porn’s modern equivalent of Oscar Wilde only not gay,” said Eli Cross, Ireland’s boyfriend, the word hyperbole apparently never crossing his mind in the intro.

“In that Oscar Wilde was really famous in his circle, in his time as much for being a provocateur and a raconteur as he was as a writer. Yes, you wanted to read Oscar’s stuff but you also wanted to hang around Oscar because he was very entertaining and he knew entertaining people. And he had very interesting, funny things to say. And everybody wanted to be around Oscar. Jef is very much porn’s modern raconteur. he’s a guy you want to be around because he’s got great stories and he comes up with witty things and he’s also a brilliant writer.”

Hickey was asked where he came from. “What do you mean where did I come from?” grumbled Hickey, the obvious Oscar Wilde influence showing in his quick riposte. Hickey’s actually from Franklin, Massachusetts describing how the map of Massachusetts having the tiny arm, the town is in the armpit. “I decided I needed to get out of there as quickly as possible.”

Hickey’s mentioning that he now owns a cat, Ireland observing that he didn’t seem like a cat person. “I fuck with this cat but not in a cruel way,” says Hickey. “He keeps coming back for more. You can push him and shove him and you can suffocate him.”

Hickey remembered watching Ireland on a Judge Judy episode. “I was in a cloudy, heroin haze in college and seeing you on television.” Ireland said she won a case against Sin City for breach of contract. “That was the short version- basically because they’re idiots.” Mickey Blank was the chief idiot representing Sin City in that case. Ireland said she was going to settle it in small claims court to prove a point but that the show contacted her. “They find their cases in the LA court system. So they saw mine. They said would you want to settle this on TV? Fuck yeah. I’m a p.r. whore. I’ll do anything.”

Cross said knowing Sin City if they had to pay Ireland $5,000 in small claims they would have declared bankruptcy rather than pay it.

Back in Hickey’s armpit days in Massachusetts, he said he didn’t want to have anything to do with school. “I had nothing in common with anybody. I had my first tattoo when I was 14. I was a punk kid living in a classic rock school. They had moccasins and I had boots.” Hickey said he’d go to Motorhead and Twisted Sister concerts and wait backstage with his albums. “But it was off limits, only the special people could go there. Then one day I had to shit really bad. I had to take the biggest dump ever. I go in and sure enough I get yelled at by some guys, what are you doing here?”

Hickey was told if he helped unload a truck he could stay. “A big light bulb went off in my head. I thought. it’s a deal. I stayed and I moved gear. That’s all she wrote. Fuck school. I was done. Every day I would skip school and go into Boston, take the train in. I would just load gear.”

According to Hickey, he started a life on the road. “Megadeath took me and I ended up in California.” Hickey said he’s either hung out with or toured with “every 80’s crappy metal band there was”.

Doing everything from loading to working as a stage hand, a runner and a production assistant, Hickey also got to work some big shows like Mariah Carey, Madonna and Whitney Houston as well. “I was the only white runner allowed for Whitney Houston.”

Cross also ventured the opinion that unless you’re Keith Richards it’s pretty safe to say that Hickey’s done more drugs than you. “But you’re clean now.” Hickey said three years. “It was a federal vacation.” Hickey said he’ll be monitored for five years.

Present situation excepted, Hickey observed that every time she’s seen Ireland, he’s always been high. Hickey said he attended the last AVN show sober and it still sucked. “It didn’t matter, high or sober it didn’t make any difference.” Cross described the show as being equivalent to a 12-hour Oz fest. “Only all bad. All night long.” Ireland said she couldn’t get through a show sober. “They were so fucking long and so fucking boring.” Truth of the matter, Hickey said he could never get tickets in the past. “I would ask him [Paul Fishbein] for tickets and then he’d make this whole speech about how I actually would sell them.”

Cross, aka Bryn Pryor, remembered giving Hickey four tickets one year. “You showed up alone and I said where’s Chuck and you go, oh Dude, I lost ’em.” That was also supposed to be the year Hickey won something like $100,000 in Vegas except he couldn’t remember winning it. Hickey said another thing about falling asleep with his eyesopen.

“They called the paramedics thinking I was dead. The paramedics came and I was snoring when they entered the room because I passed out with my eyes open. Then I tried to fall asleep underneath the slot machines. Security doesn’t like that.” Other than that Hickey doesn’t remember much of anything else. “I walked away from the machines- someone said I gave it away. I don’t remember any of it.”

Being on the road, Hickey said he’d be in the rut of looking for blow, going to titty bars, hanging out with strippers. “Go do whatever. And just repeat over and over again. It was full on. I was tuning guitars on acid, screaming like am I in tune. I didn’t even know what I was doing. I have no idea where I’m at. Everyone was so fucked up it didn’t even matter. It was full on party mode. Everybody got naked. People were bleeding. There were guns pulled out. There were drugs everywhere. It was perfect.”

Then, according to Hickey, when he went to work for Queensryche, all the partying stopped dead in its tracks. Asked why that was, Hickey said, “They were a bunch of pussies. I was done. I quit. I got to slow down.” Then when he was in California a magazine called New Rave interviewed Pantera, another band he was working for, for its second issue.

“I kept in touch with the people from the magazine,” Hickey recalls. “I called them when I was coming back through with another band. But they said they were folding the mag. The mag was over. It was going bankrupt. The publisher had embezzled money.”

Hickey said he had the brilliant, stupid thought that he could save the magazine. “I pitched them this huge, big thing. Then the tour that I was on, the owner Ami was afraid that he didn’t have a place for me to live. He wanted me to move to California but if the magazine folds, what do I do. But I always wanted to move to California. It was my dream. I wanted to di it. He was my opportunity. So I sent them a piece of my hotel room every day. So I would build a replica hotel room in California and have a place to live. That was my theory. That cost a lot of money.” Hickey said with every room he’d stay in he’d steal a drawer or an eyepiece out of a door. “The top of a toilet’s missing. All sorts of stuff.”

Impressed by Hickey’s random acts of retardedness, the magazine hired him. “I never edited a mag. Never edited anything like that. I had no clue about circulation. I knew nothing.” Cross said Hickey should have gone to AVN. “They took me eventually,” Hickey said, noting that he had to beg and plead to get a freelancing gig. “I had to jump through hoops to get that job.” It was Cross’ suspicion that Hickey blew then-managing editor Mark Kulkis.

“I knew a couple of other freelancers who did- cause they were chicks,” said Cross. Hickey said Ellen Thompson was his confidante when he went over to AVN. “We always had dark and heavy stuff to discuss.”

But on the subject of New Rave, Hickey said he wanted to go balls-out on the magazine and make one that his son could jerk off to. “It would be all rock, all drugs, all porn.” According to Hickey, his contract with the owner is that they would give him money for drugs.

“I had money for hookers. I had money for drugs. I had money for Vegas. They would give me this allowance every month. It was a great deal.” Hickey said his contract called for cocaine and heroin and speed. “I listed everything and how much it would be. And if you walked into my office and I was naked in my own puke, that’s the way it goes. And that happened all the time.”

Hickey said it was weird, that suddenly he was in the porno circle. Hickey mentioned a time he called Jim Holliday, wanting to go to the XRCO, Holliday asking Hickey who he is. “I said I’m the editor of New Rave. He let me in. It was on. Then I had sex with Lana Sands two weeks later. She doesn’t remember the first time and I don’t remember the second time.”

Cross said he heard a story from Chris Mann the owner of Video Team that when Lana Sands was under contract she disappeared for awhile and later found out she had gone to New York with Hickey. “You guys are standing in an apartment together and you send her out one day to get cigarettes and tacos. And she comes back 72 hours later after going on a total fucking binge. And the first words out of your mouth are was it Taco Bell?”

Hickey said the better part of the story was that Sands disappeared for three days and came back with Taco Bell.

“That’s a responsible junkie,” Cross observed. According to Hickey, Sands got on a subway, started talking to some guy from Brooklyn. “Next thing you know she’s in Brooklyn. Where she bought roller skates I have no idea. She came back three days later with Taco Bell.”

Ireland remembered a time Hickey interviewed her in 1996. “He’s some strange guy asking me all these really bizarre questions. That’s what I liked about him- he wasn’t asking me the same old bullshit. Like how did you get into the business. Who’s your favorite guy to work with? He’s asking me what’s your favorite beer.”

Out of nowhere, Hickey volunteered the information that Mary Carey “farts like you would not believe”.

“A stinky fat bitch,” observes Hickey. “I’ll just tell the truth. She farts and she’s just a dirty, dirty gross woman. No problem taking a dump in front of you. She’ll wipe off and show you the tissue and see if you can see the Virgin Mary in the shit stains.” Cross said he found that character trait charming but wouldn’t have ascribed it to Carey.

Asked what other porn chicks he’s banged, Hickey said it certainly wouldn’t be Carey. Besides Lana Sands, Hickey said he’s banged Christine Angel. “Her and Debi Diamond together.” Hickey said it was all a blur that with Diamond, she wouldn’t let him have sex with her at her house, that it was at a park at Van Nuys and Riverside. “We had sex out there- that was her whole thing.” Hickey said the game plan was to go see Van Halen.

“Let’s drop acid, though,” was Hickey’s suggestion, which they apparently did. “Before we go we end up at The Rainbow. Before we get to The Rainbow she starts kicking in, mine starts kicking in. Next thing I know we’re down at the liquor store. She’s trying to put her makeup on with no clothes on.” Hickey advises never listening to a Nine Inch Nails remix going over Laurel Canyon with Debi Diamond in a car.

“She’s taking off what clothes she had on left, sitting outside the window while we’re driving around the hills.” Hickey then said something about setting Diamond’s car on fire. “We’re sitting on the couch watching it burn as the fire trucks are coming.” Hickey then quoted Diamond as saying something about popping the hood, taking the carburetor off and putting acid in the manifold. Then turn it on. We do that and flames shoot out. Then we sat watching her truck burn.”

Hickey then said something about Holly Body still being in possession of his sweat pants. “She’s mad because I was going to print shots of her from when she got arrested for prostitution. I was going to publish the shots and she came by the office and gave me a blowjob if I didn’t publish them. I said, okay. I didn’t publish them.”

Another time Hickey fucked Cindi Cox in Tiffany Million’s bedroom when she wasn’t home. It was noted that Hickey was married to Million for 29 days. “Twenty-nine glorious days,” said Hickey.

Cross said that Million reminded him a lot of his aunt. “She looks like my aunt. She acted like my aunt. And my aunt’s name is Sandra [Million’s real first name]. It was all really creepy.” Cross remembered a time Million is being interviewed noting that her favorite sex position was hands outstretched, palms out, check in hand. “I’m going that’s my fucking aunt.” Cross said his aunt was married to the president of some golf club company. “Divorced him, got the house. Three years later re-marries the same stupid bastard, divorced him again six months later, got the fucking summer home. That was my aunt.”

Hickey said that Million’s thing was plastic surgery and money, but he didn’t have any. According to Million, says Hickey, she was in her Beavis and Butthead stage and he apparently supplied the fantasy. “I was them.” Hickey suspected that it was also because he could score Metallica tickets. In Jenna’s book, says Hickey, Jameson is supposed to have said her worst experience and most disgusting moment in porn was when Million lactated on her.

Hickey said when he first met Million, he stuck his finger in her ass. “That’s pretty much how it happened.” Hickey said he asked her if that was her ass or pussy that he was in. “She said if you think my pussy is really that tight we’re going to get along really well.” Hickey said he had an eight-ball of coke in him and a glass of Jager and remembered telling Million that he couldn’t leave her to get more Jager because he had his hand in her shorts. “It was true love ever since then.” Hickey said he jerked off on her legs later that evening, coked out of his head.

Cross said he would have dragged his dick through broken glass to jerk off in Debi Diamond’s shadow. “She was a monster. Awesome.” Hickey said she had a heart of gold in that all of her money went to helping animals. “She was just an amazing girl. A crazy fucking loon.”

Ireland says Diamond scared her the first time they met. “I was watching her have sex. They were doing it on a lawn chair. The lawn chair tips over. She bashes her head on the ground. She’s bleeding down her face. She gets up, “Fuck me!’ ” Hickey said he wishes he could find her. Cross said he heard the rumor that Diamond has kids and a house.

Hickey said also did Kaylin Nicole. Ireland said Nicole was a Lucky girl and that Lucky girls hated her. Of the Lucky girls, Hickey voiced the opinion that Alexis DeVille was a dork. Hickey was at the then- Bob’s Classy Lady one night and was commenting to Colin Malone in the bathroom that they should put a tray on DeVille’s head and serve drinks. Hickey said a guy who was pissing, turned round with tears in his eyes saying that it was his girlfriend they were talking about. “He goes and tells her. And she storms in, ‘I’m not small! Just petite.’ ” DeVille, according to Hickey, threatened to call Lucky. It was also Ireland’s opinion that Lucky resembles Charles Manson. “A fat Charles Manson.”

Asked how he wound up writing for AVN, Hickey said it was tantamount to begging. “They said if you go on an assignment you can’t do any drugs. I went to Reno to see Metallica. It was my birthday.” According to Hickey, Paul Fishbein told him to do a piece about a video store. “I said, okay. I can make a retail piece good.” Needless to say, Hickey got fucked up. When he got there, Hickey learned that some guy died in a porn theater and Hickey began sitting in all the seats trying to get the feel for the dead guy.

“They didn’t know what seat it was so I sat in every seat in the theater. Just so I could get the feeling. Some guy expired watching a porn in there. I wanted to say I sat in his seat.” When it was suggested that it might have been a Kaylin Nicole movie, Ireland said the guy probably died of boredom.

The conversation got on to the extremities of porn, and Hickey said he wished he knew vomiting was going to be so popular. “I have miles of footage of me vomiting all sorts of stuff.” Consequently, Hickey discovered that peppers don’t dissolve very well. Black outs are another of his specialties where Hickey says he’d have to go back the next day and retrace his steps to figure out where the pair of shoes came from. “And I’d have bottles shoved in my ass and be told about it later.” Hickey said he’d be horrified to find photos of him with a Jager bottle sticking out of his ass with a huge smile on his face.

With all that being said, Cross couldn’t figure out why Million ever left. Hickey recalled a time he was shooting heroin in the bathroom while she was taking a shower.

“I stayed with Sandy one day longer than rehab.”