Wankus posts on http://www.ksexradio.com/home.html: I don’t know what was more exciting. Watching Gauge [www.ilovegauge.com] stay fucked up on Jack Daniels for four days straight, signing Adam & Eve [www.adameve.com] to another year of advertising, seeing the Dolphins beat the Jaguars live, having sex with a fan of my show while holding signs over her head that promoted KSEX, or the overwhelming reaction to the KSEXgames [www.KSEXgames.com] from people who got a sneak preview of it on the convention floor at the 2004 Summer Internext-Expo.
Well, instead of trying to rate everything, let me just write a diary entry style recap and you can read it for yourself:
WEDNESDAY
Arrived at LAX with tech guy Soxxx. Met up with Gauge & her man Jason. You may have seen Jason around Gauge before. He’s a big, full body tattooed lookin’ dude who may scare you on first glance but is 100% kick back and cool once you get to know him.
We booked our plane tickets through AmericanAirlines.com and for some reason got tickets to flights on Song Airlines who are run by Delta. Yes, odd and confusing I know. We seriously expected to be getting on a small prop plane with hydro rails or some shit and some Mr. Roark looking dude saying, “smiles everyone, smiles.”
Let the fun begin. We were all hungry so we started with a little Mexican food in the airport as we awaited boarding. Gauge made us order margaritas with Petron’ tequila. Of course knowing the prices of Petron’ and knowing this was on the company credit card, I was a little nervous that the KSEX bookkeeping office my slightly come down on my poor per diem choices, but it was the first night so I let it go.
The flight, leaving at 10pm Cali time, was set to land in Ft. Lauderdale on Thursday at 6:30am, which while booking it, my rationale was, “we all sleep on the plane and have a fun day Thursday by the pool mixing drinks with umbrellas in them or something.”
We kept drinking. Oh, and we kept drinking. And, with a little influence from Gauge…we kept drinking. We didn’t sleep a wink. “I had a bunch of drinks a two Xanex and I still can’t sleep,” Gauge spewed out on more then one occasion.
THURSDAY
Arrived at FLL [DRUNK] and took a taxi to the Westin Diplomat Hotel. Did I mention we didn’t make a direct trip to the hotel? Of course not. We stopped at a 24 hour drive thru liquor store and got a case of beer, Jack Daniels and other miscellaneous party trinkets in an effort to avoid $17 a drink bar prices.
Knowing that NO hotel anywhere in America would give us such an early check in, it was my idea that we all keep bathing suits near the top of our luggage so when we get there, we can give our bags to the bell hop and go relax by the pool until we could check in. Fortunately, the kind folks at the Westin DID allow us to get settled in, which was very awesome on their part.
You would think we would take that opportunity to go into the room, lay down and catch up on some sleep.
4 beers later [each] Gauge, Jason, Soxxx and I decided it was time to go get breakfast. Which we did. [Eggs & toast for 4 – $101 bucks – lovely] We followed that by a trip down to the gorgeous pool and began lying out [and drinking], and catching some rays.
We had a blast. We bought rafts and beach balls and wait a second…..Gauge is skinny dipping. “Hey fucker…I ain’t getting any tan lines. It doesn’t look good when I’m dancing on stage.”
I hang around a lot of porn stars. I’m good friends with many of the adult entertainers. The best thing I like about Gauge is that she is 100% real, what you see is what you get. Say anything you want about her, but if you know Gauge like I do, you’ll see why her friends love her.
After a morning of beer bongs in the pool and a day of nearly getting busted for indecent exposure and alcohol poisoning, we made our way over to the convention center to meet my partner Chris Rick and to set up the booth.
We were supposed to be broadcasting from the Adam & Eve booth with live sound through speakers and such but that got nixed by the convention people for some reason. So we recorded a bunch of mini-shows on camera that we will show all this week on the air back in southern California.
Adam & Eve, completely accommodating as always, made it very enjoyable and fun. They always bring great people and it was good to be teamed up in their booth, even though many people told them, “it’s nice to see KSEX let you share their booth!”
Thursday night we found scattered parties, most of them boring but still fun. It was also the first time we were introduced to RA RA RETARD. Ra Ra Retard is what Gauge’s boyfriend Jason calls her when she’s taken the drinking thing to another level.
“You’re mostly Ra Ra and I love that about you,” Jason told her, “but when Ra Ra turns into Ra Ra Retard, I hate being around you.”
[Still laughing]For example, Gauge was hanging out at the hotel bar with all of us, having fun talking shit and downin’ one after the other. Then out of nowhere, this little 80 pound, four foot nuttin’ sexy porn star crashes head first into a bunch of glasses on the table. Does it shock her and wake her up? No. She’s out cold! Soxxx and Jason picked her up, threw her arms around their shoulders and brought her upstairs and put her to bed so she could sleep off some of the Retard and bring back some of the Ra Ra.
Chris, turning slightly retarded himself at least felt it and went up to his room to crash, while Soxxx did basically the same thing. Jason and I, pretty much 2am at this point, decided to go down to the hot tub and see if we could get a little retarded ourselves.
A few drinks later, we were on our way and low and behold…there’s Christy Wild. Christy is a dedicated KSEX listener and message board contributor who was hanging out with her man “Rich” for the weekend. She stripped out of her elegant attire and sat in the hot tub nekkid as Max Hardcore and a slew of other men crept closer for a better view.
Christy and I chatted, had a bunch of laughs and then decided to go back up to the room I was sharing with Gauge and Jason and party some more [maybe even give me that BJ she promised me on the message boards].
Jason, Christy, Rich and I were drinking some more and laughing about the thought of having me lay on the bed and get a hummer next to a passed out, stone drunk Gauge. The small talk started turning into a reality and Christy and me made our way to the bed. Out of nowhere, the passed out porn star shit right up and muttered, “what’s going on?” Before we had a chance to explain, Gauge had a second camera in her hand and a full on porn shoot had begun.
Christy grabbed my pipe and started sucking on it, we 69ed it, we explored the world of oral more then any dentist and it was great for me because I was so drunk, it looked like the Christy Twins were sucking my dick.
As the moment continued, Gauge started shouting, “sit on that thing…c’mon…I’m getting bored over here.” She went from Ra Ra Retard to full on smut director in a matter of hours.
Christy sat on the pipe and rode away. At one point I held signs over her head as we had sex saying things like, “Hi Mom” and “KSEX Rocks” to the sounds of all witness laughing.
Christy cums LOUD. I mean, loud to the point where one would worry about security. Loud to the point that I had to bury my face in a pillow to avoid laughing. Not laughing at her, but laughing because it’s SO LOUD.
Towards the end of the crazy little in-room fuck fest, Gauge was on the bed filming, beaver hanging out while I was doing Christy from behind. Out of nowhere, I noticed that Christy was eating out Gauge while I was pounding her as well.
Of course the site of that was too much to take and I had to end this drunken event with a pop shot all over Christy’s face and hair. [I would like to thank VildenafilXP-XP for all their support – get your supply at www.ImpressivePenis.com]
FRIDAY
Yes, Friday. I don’t remember anything else Thursday. Wanna know why? Because I came and passed right the fuck out! And ya know what else? I’m proud of it! Hah!
Entered the convention floor, did some great mini show recordings from the Adam & Eve booth and Gauge and I had a blast. We interviewed a bunch of stars including the sexy Vanilla Deville, Chrissy Taylor, Carmen Luvana, Allie and Sonny Leone.
Mobs of people surrounded the booth watching the KSEXgames DVD that we were previewing at the show. Everyone loved it, and of course their favorite event was the Bitch Fights.
Avy Scott who was at the convention kept blowing off her responsibilities to watch herself kick some serious ass for Team Private.
We got to meet and chat with Sean Trotter, an awesome guy with Adam & Eve who committed A&E to another year of sponsorship with KSEX. We planned our Vegas booth for the big convention, one where KSEX is broadcasting live from the top of a tower overlooking the floor, and we locked down details and game plans for the year to come as advertising partners.
By day there was a bikini contest at the pool sponsored by Silvercash and Gauge, Katie Morgan, Dick Nasty, Chris, Alison, Soxxx and myself witnessed it from within the pool while enjoying many beers.
Gauge was on a raft so when we ran out of beer, we’d put our empties in her ass crack and push her over to the edge of the pool where a waitress was waiting with full ones. Taking out a few dollars in tips and the empty cups, the waitress carefully placed the full beers back in Gauge’s crevices and pushed her back to us.
Seeing all the web geeks taking pics of her hot ass, Gauge and Jason decided to do a little advertising. With the help of someone’s lipstick in the crowd, one side of Gauge’s cheeks said, “ILOVEGAUGE.com” while the other read, “KSEXradio.com”.
Friday night we met up with Katie and Dick for dinner at the Hard Rock Hotel in Seminole. Yeah….let’s put it this way. It was good to see Dick and Katie. Leave it at that. [It ain’t like the Hard Rock in Vegas. It’s an Indian casino and it sucks!]
As I went home to crash around midnight, Gauge decided that she was a little too much Ra and not enough Retard so her and Jason did their thing again late night out and about. You guessed it, she passed out in her chair AGAIN and Jason carried her home and put her to bed.
SATURDAY
Much of the same at the convention floor and then back to the pool for some more fun although this day was exciting for me because I was off to see that Miami Dolphins play the Jacksonville Jaguars.
After a few hours in the pool with people mocking me out and saying the Phins Suck, we needed to pack up and get going to the event.
Chris, Alison, Soxxx and myself had tickets, everyone else wanted to go party elsewhere. Soxxx, last minute bailed on us for the shot of getting video footage at one of the parties so I replaced him with Max Hardcore. That’s right, Max at a football game.
Truly hysterical. He had his own bottle of vodka in the taxi over to Pro Player Stadium and kept pulling it out and mixing himself drinks. The cabby was yelling at him to put it away but Max didn’t care. He would just look at the poor guy and ask, “Have I told you about MaxHardcore.com?” He put stickers all over the car that read “Got Max” and showed a woman with a massive facial, he snuck his video camera into the stadium and almost never found the seats. While we were inside watching the game, Max was out recruiting for his next video series.
He actually ended up leaving at halftime. Very funny shit.
The Phins won a very boring game but there were some good highlights nonetheless.
We went back to the hotel and had a few drinks in the bar but again I crashed early.
Did Gauge? No. Her and Jason grabbed a bottle of Jack and sat by the pool drinking until 8am.
SUNDAY
We checked out of the room and made our way to the pool one last time to hang out with Katie and Dick. Chris hit the road home early but we had a night flight so we wanted to take advantage of the amenities one more time before we left.
We got in the pool; you guessed it, with our jack and cokes, pack of smokes and Gauge in rare form. At one point, with security everywhere, Gauge lied on her raft half-nekkid and lit up a joint. With no care in the world, Gauge was having a blast and no one could tell her to act any different.
We cleaned up, grabbed a cab to the airport, had a few jack and cokes at the airport bar and then boarded the plane.
Oh yes, we drank some more the plane ride home.
As we were making our decent to end a very fun weekend away, Gauge asked for her last jack and coke. When the flight attendant told her that they couldn’t serve anymore since the plane was about to land, Gauge screamed, “this is bullshit…you didn’t announce last call!”