Porn Valley- Part of Mark Kulkis’ appearance on KSEX, www.ksexradio.com, Tuesday night was to dispel rumors that Mary Carey’s bazoomas are fake. Carey is the contract girl for Kulkis’ company Kick Ass Pictures which makes a claim to shoot only naturally breasted girls. But host Guy Capo referenced remarks made by Alana Evans that Evans heard comments to the absolute contrary and that Carey was enhanced.

Acknowleding Kulkis’ current, “Bullets – Not Boobs” campaign against the US armed forces in which Kick Ass is giving cash prizes to women who stay natural, Capo figured no one would know better than Kulkis. But that answer would have to be left for later in the show.

“Alana Evans insists that Mary Carey has had work done on her big, bodacious bosoms,” Capo said. “I don’t know if you’ve seen Mary Carey’s tits but they are quite a sight to behold. If they are all natural, they’re amazing.” Capo also noted that Carey was he eyepiece of the Bullets Not Boobs campaign. “She’s the front woman for this thing.”

In a coming clean gesture, Capo was also quick to note that he was the director of Inseminated By Two Black Men, a movie which Kick Ass is releasing next Tuesday. ‘You’re keeping in the headlines a lot,” Capo told Kulkis. “We’re seeing a lot of new product.”

“Wonderful box work,” Capo was quick to point out. “This boxcover truly says it all. If you’re tired of being ripped off by boxcovers that look nice but you end up with same old piece of shit that you got from every other fucking company, this is different. This says it all. You are getting two intimidating brothers taking it out on one innocent white girl. Two internal pop shots. It’s a beautiful thing. Who made thing thing? Guy Capo. Whatta you know.”

Asked what gave him the brainstorm for the movie, Kulkis pointed out that he’s come up with the five guy cream pie concept. “Which basically started this whole cream pie craze that’s taken over the industry in the last two years,” Kulkis said. “I’ve been taking it into different directions. I’ve come up with the 10 man cum slam- how much cum can a girl ingest in her mouth?”

Capo wondered if Kulkis was keeping track in terms of quarts and liters. “Is there any statistical data?” Kulkis said when he first started shooting he’d tell the girl, “Do you realize you’re going to be drinking this many millimeters of semen? The funny thing is that it’s so consistent with the seventh cum shot. If you ever watch the movie it’s the seventh one where the girl just goes grrrggh, uh oh. It’s smooth sailing until the seventh one. Nine times out of ten that’s the one. You see it in her eyes. It went down a little hard. Eight, nine and ten are not easy ones to swallow.”

Knowing that, Capo said, for entertainment value, he’ll just zip to the seventh cum shot to see the look on the girl’s face.

It was noted that the Kick Ass lines are doing huge business. “A Load in Every Hole is my other internal one,” Kulkis added, mentioning that he had never done an interracial line up until now. “I didn’t want to do just interracial. I don’t like to do stuff everyone else has done. If I can’t put a completely different spin on it, I have no interest in doing it. I don’t know where it dawned on me but two black guys, one white girl- that’s kind of the white man’s nightmare.”

Capo was also quick to suggest that the premise works on the deer caught in the headlights aspect. “It works beautifully.”

Capo was even of the opinion that the industry thrives not so much on the best idea as the best ripoff idea. “What can we plagiarize the shit out of and drive into the ground? There for awhile everything was ass and ass used in every possible way in every title. Everybody jumped on the ass bandwagon. Then interracial became the bandwagon. Then all the cum-based, internal-based things.” Kulkis also said the new series taps into the taboo aspects of black men impregnating white women.

Kulkis addressed his background prior to getting into the adult business. “I was an English major at the University of Michigan.” Kulkis said he had sights on being the great American writer and moved to New York. “While I was working on my novel at night, I had to choose a career so I chose p.r. and turned out to be pretty good at that.” As his writing veered more into screenplay territory, Kulkis said he decided to move out to L.A.

“I got an agent for the first screenplay I wrote which was an action-adventure. She said this is good, but you’ve got to keep writing. I had writers block on the second one, so just to write anything, just to clear the tubes I wrote a porn screenplay. It was a light bulb going on over my head. This is the most fun I ever had writing.” Capo agreed that it’s all about being happy with what you do on a daily basis. I think that’s what drives a lot of us into the [porn] business- not being stuck behind a desk with a boss.”

“Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life,” suggesred Kulkis in the bromide tossing portion of the show. Kulkis said once he had his epiphany he had to find a way into the industry.

“I knew nobody in it. So I started a nine-month courtship of one Gene Ross who was editor of AVN at that time. I hit him over the head every month- hey, can I do anything for free. I sent writing samples. Basically nine months later, finally an opening came and I was the one he called. That’s how I got my in.”

[But what Kulkis failed to mention was that it was a gift basket of booze that kind of sealed the deal.]

Capo also wondered how Kulkis wound up at Hustler. Kulkis said he knew Mark Cromer. “When I was at AVN he was one of my freelance writers. He went to Hustler and pitched them on a magazine called Jail Babes which is based on a website. They bought it. They started doing the magazine and he was the editor.”

Kulkis explained that he got a call from Cromer stating that it would make a good video series as well but there was no one over at Hustler that knows anything about video could he give Cromer said advice. “Not only can I give you advice, I can do it for you. Basically he got me a meeting with the president. I pitched myself on the fact that I could start a video division for him. Luckily they bought it.”

Capo laughed wondering how much of the pitch was bullshit.

“After I got the job I was, oh shit, I’m going to have to do all these things I promised to do,” Kulkis mused. “But I winged it and it turned out for the best.” Kulkis mentioned that he’s been shooting video since 1998 with his first Barefoot Confidential. Capo suggested that Kulkis has become sort of the king of niches.

“I started out where I wouldn’t have that much competition,” Kulkis explained. “Anyone who’s interested in feet is going to buy this tape. That worked like a charm. Now everyone’s copying- everyone has a foot line, now. Basically I followed that same formula to do something completely different than anybody else and stake out some new territory, and do it so well, that it becomes established.”

Capo had to hand it to Kulkis. “You have a fine way of striking a balance in your niches. A lot of the niche fetishes tend to be so involved and so engaged in the niche itself that you lose any other potential client. Any other potential viewer if they don’t relate 100% to that niche they’re gone. You’re giving the porn aficionado the edge he wants and still catering to the fetish market.”

Talent agent Dee Wise also came on the show, and it was noted that Wise, although he’s not regular talent, performed in Inseminated By Two Black Men and appears on the cover. Kulkis said Wise appeared in a vignette along with porn talent Dwayne Cummings. “He’s the man,” said Wise. “Hire me so I could be like Dwayne- just two more times.”

Wise also represents two of the women who are in the movie- Trinity and Trista Post. When Kulkis pointed out the inevitable confusion of similar names, Wise joked about keeping it the way it is. “I want you to call for Trinity and get Trista and vice versa. Keep the bitches working.” Capo lauded Wise for being a crooked pimp who’s honest about his crookedness. “I got to keep the dough flowing,” laughed Wise.

Capo also talked about another Dee Wise enterprise Hip Hop Hotdogs. “It’s a ghetto blaster that’ll fuck you up,” said Wise. “It’s the quarter pound all 100% Kosher beef hotdog.” Kulkis, a hot dog gourmand, wanted to know more. Wise says he adds ingredients like chili, cheese, ground beef, tomatoes, onions. “The toppings just go on and on. Before you know it, you need a knife and a fork to eat it. It’s a meal. Your ass is done for the night.”

Capo said the meal is definitely east coast, noting that Wise is from Queens. Wise cautioned against uttering specific locations. “The white people there are still looking for me!” Capo wondered why he’s always seen Wise with white women. “There’s no black girls in California?” Wise said it was fashionable for white chicks to be attracted to brothers. “That’s how it is out here.”

Wise said white chicks dig him out here whereas in New York he was around black chicks and Puerto Ricans all the time. “For all you chicks who know Dee Wise from New York, if you thought you was the only one- sorry.” Wise says he keeps chicks one under each arm and all stragglers in the backseat.

On the subject of Kick Ass’ policies towards hiring natural girls, Kulkis mentioned an instance where Avy Lee Roth was turned away from a shoot. “She’ll tell you how much she hates me- from her pictures she looked natural and she showed up. We had to turn her away from the set when we saw that they were fake. I would never have known and nobody told us until she got to the set. Then we realized. It was, like, sorry. She was a little peeved about it but I stuck to my guns.”

Kulkis said he didn’t want to encourage any girls to get a tit job. “If she knows that she won’t get any work from my company if she gets the surgery, maybe it’ll make her think twice about getting it.”

On the subject of Mary Carey, Kulkis acknowledged the big debate over Carey’s boobs, stating that he’s against cosmetic surgery of any kind but the rule against no fake tits applies to implants. The fact that Carey reputedly had a breast reduction was fine with Kulkis. Carey, according to Kulkis, is natural.

“A few days before I signed the deal I said, listen, I got to do a thorough feel test. I must have felt them for like ten minutes. I just wanted to make sure. If this is a job, this is fooling me. They’re real. But she was a dummy. In an AVN interview, when she first came out and was just doing girl-girl scenes, they asked her. She said, yes. She’s a tall girl and a big girl. And she’s always been a little sensitive about her weight and stuff. The girls who are fake are naturally thinner. So I think that was her motivation- she wanted to be perceived as that. That was her reason for lying and it’s come back to haunt her quite a few times.”

Capo figured that was probably what Alana Evans was making reference to. “We’ll give it the benefit of the doubt.”