Porn Valley- K.C. Armstrong had model/babe Kelly Princeton on his PrimeTimeUncensored show, www.primetimeuncensored.com. And although Princeton’s showing a lot more in this photo than she did on stage Tuesday night, she was on hand to judge Armstrong’s weekly titty Olympics.
Though one might suspect Princeton was a bit mortified at the prospect- and looked it- she declared Sabrina Love winner of a ludicrous sports competition that included a fumble drill, gelatinous dance moves and an impromptu essay on Euthanasia. [Love thought there were some very smart Chinese kids over there.]
Love competed against China White who, like Love, was there courtesy of TT Boy’s Evasive Angles, with Love and White exhibitng angles geometry classes will never make sense of.
Earlier in the show, Armstrong was all for conducting not only an investigation but a house-to-house search for the culprit who clogged PTU’s shitter. Armstrong said he needed to take a crap but didn’t feel comfortable “dropping a deuce on the visitor’s field.”
“I need a home base,” said Armstrong.
Another thing nagging Armstrong was the fact that his clips of the farting preacher somehow ran on another PTU show.
“I take that seriously,” commented Armstrong, harkening to a time where he almost hanged himself in a hotel room in Atlanta. According to Armstrong, the farting preacher put him in touch with reality.
“I watched him and didn’t think of my miserable life for half an hour,” said Armstrong, noting that the unrequested borrowing of his farting preacher clips almost made him suicidal.
“I was very violent at one time- but medicated,” added Armstrong. “If medication were an Olympic sport, I’d be on a Wheaties box.”
Armstrong introduced hilarious segments throughout the night from a show called “Meet The Creeps” that features himself, Jim Florentine, Artie Lange and other comedians. In one bit, Armstrong and Florentine invade New York City food markets in Chinatown to prove that there’s great fishing in the city by merely dropping bait in a tank. Armstrong said they got the heave-ho in a few places.
“All the Chinamen were kicking us out.”
Armstrong also expected an in-studio visit from “Captain Destructo” but that didn’t happen. Armstrong said Captain Destructo was supposed to go to Iraq but was totally insane.
“I’m glad he’s on our side,” continued Armstrong, giving an indication that Captain Destructo’s also had his share of celebrity quiff.
Michael Fattorosi also reported on the success of a new PTU venture called Last Call Uncensored.
“We’re bringing porn girls to the LA Improv,” explained Fattorosi, noting that there was a deal in the works to adopt the format two Saturdays a month. Fattorosi said it looked like the deal would also include Armstrong who’d have a show preceding that one. Armstrong sounded excited.
“I’d no longer have to suck cock in a gas station bathroom to pay rent,” he commented. Armstrong also described an instance a couple of weeks ago where he was on the road headed to do a show right after his PTU program.
“I did a medicine stop in a bathroom,” Armstrong went on to say. “Only the toilet bowl looked like a Jackson Pollack painting. Someone dropped a half load of pumpernickle in that shit pot. I threw up.”
Fattorosi also announced that PrimeTimeUncensored would be shut down for the month of October to accommodate a change in format.
“Instead of a timed station we’re going to a channel station,” announced Fattorosi, noting that shows would be recorded on Saturdays then aired on respective channels as opposed to time slots.
“Who gives a fuck anyway if a show’s on live?” Armstrong conceded, thinking it was a good idea.
“Most of the viewers watch the shows on archives,” added Fattorosi.
Armstrong then introduced author David Closer who’s interviewed over 300 major league baseball players and written a book called “Stepping Up to the Plate” – detailing their thoughts about success and how kids could profit from the advice.
But Armstrong quickly veered from subject asking Closer, a straight arrow, if any of the ballplayers had tried to rape him. Closer’s expression indicated that he didn’t have an answer to that one. Or at least one that imparted any sense of dignity.
And, as Closer described a conversation he had with Trevor Hoffman dealing with moral decisions, Armstrong said he had an issue similar – determining whether he should fuck his passed out girlfriend in the ass.
Armstrong also extended the dubious tidbit that Reggie Jackson possessed a corked penis.
“I know because I sucked him off.”
Armstrong also seemed to have at least second hand knowledge concerning a famous major league catcher who felched Babe Ruth’s corpse. At this point Closer wondered where he had landed.