Porn Valley- The Pam Peaks, www.pamelapeaks.com, cooking show was out of control. My bowels were out of control. Wankus was out of control. After sampling this phenomenal salmon dish cooked on Pamela Peaks’ show Wednesday night, the familiar feeling gripped my guts half way home. I pray I don’t shit myself. [Salmon does this to me.] As I get through the front door, my ass cheeks clenched in the duck waddle, my answering machine is blinking. It’s Wankus. I hit the button. My ass hits the rim. Wankus leaves no message other than to cackle maniacally into the night. It’s ripe accompaniment to what follows…

Everything on the menu blends in a forceful and dramatic exit. There’s the White Cosmos – a delicate blend of Bacardi Limon with Quantreau and white cranberry juice shaken and served, along with the pan fried salmon and salsa. It was all delicious… while it lasted.

During the evening I meet Koko an Asian newcomer in the business. She’s been in four scenes so far. I make a joke about how a cup of her goes down really well on a chilly morning. She just looks at me. The language barrier and all that.