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Porn’s Creepy Midget Troll Jules Jordan; What Happened To All Of Your Directors?

I’ve got a question about Lexington Steele.

Now we all know Mr. Lexington Steele’s credentials as a superstar of the adult entertainment industry. Can’t get any bigger. And I don’t just mean his cock. The man is a superstar.

Wasn’t he a member of the Jules Jordan empire? I know he was or is with the Evil Angel empire, but wasn’t he with Jules Jordan recently? Did he go from Jules Jordan to Evil Angel? Or was it the the other way around? It’s very confusing. Perhaps we could investigate that at a later date.

Right now, let’s talk about Jules Jordan, that little shithead. I’ve known Jules Jordan for a while and he’s always been a douchey arrogant little shit. Nothing wrong with that. Arrogance is cool. I’m arrogant, but I have things to be arrogant about. Jules Jordan hasn’t really accomplished anything except being in on the tail end of the porn boom, doing everything that everyone before him had already done.

If you look at a Jules Jordan movie, he’s not doing anything different than what Tom Byron did or any of the other gonzo leaders before him. There really wasn’t anything innovative from little Jules Jordan. His packaging and artwork were ripoffs of stuff Art Attack did for Extreme Associates, Evil Angel and Elegant Angel. He uses foil embossed logos which we were the first to do.

He worked at IVD for Frank Koretsky as his little bitch boy sales flunky. Prior to that, he worked at video stores for Paul Fishbein. Fishbein was the one who set him up with Frank Koretsky and gave him his opening into the business. Again, not real sure where Jules Jordan was a pioneer and a trailblazer in the industry. I’ve just showed you that he was nothing of the sort.

When I look at his March release schedule, I see that what he is releasing amounts to nothing. Well, nothing except… Elegant Angel.

Let me explain.

He has a guy named William H. As most of you will remember, William H. was at Elegant Angel. William H. was mentored at Elegant Angel by Thomas Zupko. We at Extreme Associates created this man named Thomas Zupko. For better or worse, Thomas Zupko was created by Extreme Associates. Thomas Zupko was the man who created the Big Wet Asses series for Elegant Angel. William H. was basically Thomas Zupko’s PA, his flunky. When Zupko left, William H. was armed with the knowledge of how to shoot and create movies, having spent time as Thomas Zupko’s bitch boy. William H. continued the series that Zupko created, Big Wet Asses.

The plot thickens now as William H. leaves Elegant Angel because Elegant is sold. There is a house cleaning and Elegant Angel rids itself of all of its directors. Mason winds up at Mile High, LT ends up at Black Market and William H. winds up at Jules Jordan.

Now, if you look at Jules Jordan’s release schedule, it’s apparent that William H. does not have ownership of his product. He is an in house director. Jules Jordan pays him between 3 and 5 thousand dollars as a director’s fee. William H. shoots, directs and edits these movies and gives them to Jules Jordan, which he then sells for 16 to 18 dollars wholesale. He stamps the Jules Jordan name on them and says they’re the greatest movies in the world.

Now, I remember a time when Jules Jordan boasted one of the strongest, most awesomest lineup of porn auteurs known to man. Everyone an Orson Welles of anal sex, all of whom had ownership deals. I’m looking right now at a release schedule that boasts basically nothing.

Let me explain.

On 3/03/14, which just passed, JJV released Wet Asses 3, which is a rip off of an Elegant Angel movie, which is a ripoff of a Thomas Zupko movie and is directed by William H. That’s a Jules Jordan owned movie. Then on 3/10/14 they released Ass Worship 15, directed by Jules Jordan and starring a bunch of low rent girls. Chris Streams is releasing Cougars, Kittens and Cock 3 on the 12th and there is another William H. movie on the 19th, Squirt Gasms 2. On the same day is Praise the Load by Tim Von Swine, a blow bang. The 25th has a movie called All Internal 24 with no director credited and a bunch of girls I’ve never heard of. Another Chris Streams movie on the 26th Rear View 4. 31st is Slut Puppies 8 directed by Jules Jordan.

So basically their schedule for March is Jules, Chris and one movie from Tim Von Swine. This is the biggest company in the biz? Jules owns everything except for two with Streams and one with Swine doing a blow bang. Oh I forgot, the business is kicking ass. Are you outta your fuckin minds?

This is the top dog? The top production company? Let me tell you something. I guarantee these motherfuckers aren’t moving more than 700 pieces out the door. Bet me. Bet, motherfuckers.

Remember when Jules had all the top directors and was putting out 15, 16, 20 movies a month? Jules used to have Erik Everhard, Alexander DeVoe, Vince Vouyer. What happened to all these fucking people? Are Erik Everhard and Alexander DeVoe not in the porn business anymore? If they are still in the biz, why aren’t they at Jules Jordan, the number one company in the business? Doesn’t that seem weird? Were their movies not that good? Did Jules fire them?

If Everhard and DeVoe owned their movies and were putting them out through Jules, wouldn’t it make more sense for Jules to do that and sit back and collect his percentage rather than laying out all the production costs himself to fill his release schedule? It doesn’t make sense. Actually, it does make sense if you’re not making any money. If Erik Everhard is opting to just being fuck talent and not making movies anymore, that means Jules Jordan ain’t moving dick. That means Jules Jordan ain’t making money anymore.

The great innovative Jules Jordan is dying just like everybody else. Worse, because everyone else is just releasing comps. Jules Jordan still has to pretend he’s a big player and try to get 16-17 dollars for his crap.

Why do you think Tim Von Swine’s releasing blow bangs? Because they cost half of what a fuck movie costs. Why do you think Erik Everhard and Alexander DeVoe aren’t releasing movies anymore?

Jules Jordan’s laying out all the production costs. The name of that Evil Angel type “ownership” game is to get all of these sucker directors to lay out all the production costs and you sit back and collect your percentage. When that money comes in, that production house take their percentage right off the top. Why do you think Francesca Le and Mark Wood left Exquisite? Because they make more money at Evil Angel, because Evil Angel will move a couple hundred more pieces than Jerry Estrada. They do everything themselves and use low end girls who will give them deals.

Why doesn’t Jules Jordan have any directors? Because there’s no money! Jules Jordan ain’t moving the pieces he says he is and he’s not making the money he says he is. There’s no money to be made anymore.

Jules Jordan uses all the same girls and puts out the same crap as everybody else and puts it in a package and struggles to sell it like everybody else. Where’s all the genius directors and scary talent? It ain’t at Jules Jordan anymore.

So I guess Lexington Steele isn’t at Jules Jordan. Neither is Erik Everhard, Alexander Devoe, Vince Vouyer, Jenna Haze, etc. All Jules has is Chris Streams and Tim Von Swine with William H. as the workhorse. And Tim doesn’t own that product. Mike John does. Mike John’s chillin in Costa Rica making money on hotels and shit and Tim Von Swine is just a director.

There’s Jules Jordan. Welcome to the new age. This is it, the apocalypse. Whoa, oh, oh. He’s waking up, he feels it in his bones. Julie Jordan’s system blows. Whoa, oh, oh, Whoa, oh, oh

Welcome to the new age.

Jules Jordan is radioactive.

Follow Rob Black on Twitter @RealRobBlack Email: [email protected]


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