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Adult Cyber Mart Sneak Peek: Celebrity Babe of The Week, Joelle Carter

There’s something about southern shore female hospitality.

If you’re lavished with it, you’ll remember the moment forever. Like the time at a bar in the Virginia backwoods when we had this nympho chick arced over a trash can. Her name was Jovann.

She walks into the bar barefoot and by the time we question her about this quaint local custom, she’s slurring her words and is more than casually shit faced. Chit chat under the circumstances was as minimal as you’d imagine.

In essence, Jovann, without adding more to the pearls of wisdom we were offering her, takes a stroll outside, and, like she were trained for the occasion, lifts her light summer dress above her hips. She’s not wearing any panties.

As if we couldn’t catch the drift, Jovann wiggles her lovely ass a couple of times in the moonlight like a female fox terrier – evidently the Virginia hick shorthand for the fact that she’s accommodating to the idea of anal sex. It was Jovann’s way of bending over and saying things for a couple of cheap drinks.

In some ways Jovann reminds us a whole lot of Joelle Carter.

Carter, who’s our Adult Cyber Mart Celebrity Babe of the Week, plays a sexed up Georgia-bred lady now living in Harlan County, Kentucky. But if you think her character in the TV show “Justified” is all hips and no brains, you’d be wrong.

Likewise, our introduction to Carter’s Ava Crowder is quick and to the point. She’s just rearranged her husband’s cranium with a shotgun. Unruffled, she meets an investigating U.S. Marshall at her front door ever so, ever so.

Like Jovann, Carter’s also all twang, wearing a flimsy ensemble and barefoot. In her situation, however, Carter’s desirous of re-establishing old acquaintances with this guy who was her high school flame.

Carter’s suggestive body language is as close to one of those old Russ Meyer Tobacco Road movies as you can possibly get.

Later in the episode, Carter’s parading around in a bath towel and not much of anything else.

In one of those memorable first dates from life’s scrapbook, a woman from years ago named Nancy met us at the door exactly the same way. And there’s no understating the impact a hot woman you hardly know, wearing a bath towel, has on the male psyche.

Yes, we fell in love with Carter at first sight. Yes, we got aroused. Yes, we deluged her with emails requesting more peek-a-boo towel pictures and permission to relieve ourselves to freeze frame shots of her naked feet, and, no, Carter hasn’t responded. But give it time. Applied persistence has been known to break down the hardest of cases.

The fact that Carter [also one of the hot babes from American Pie 2] is an “army brat” and hails from New England puts the joke on us, essentially.

We became engorged to mere hints of Carter’s provocative southern ways, not necessarily the fact she might root for the Boston Red Sox and pronounces words like “chowder” funny.

For now we’ll just leave it to the fact that Carter’s quite convincing in her role. So’s the fact if you suspected this episode actually plays out in Kentucky. It was filmed in Pittsburgh.

Don’t matter. We still got hard.


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