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Having Scored the Porn Star Trifecta, Charlie Sheen Announces New Baby

In the actor’s third reboot as husband and father, Charlie Sheen announced Monday that he and latest wife, real-estate investor Brooke Mueller, are expecting their first child together, following the couple’s wedding in May.

42 year-old Sheen met 31 year-old Mueller in 2006 during his highly publicized divorce from actress Denise Richards. Charlie popped the question to Mueller in Costa Rica last summer, after presenting her with an 11-carat yellow diamond ring said to be worth $500,000.

Already a father of three daughters – 3 year-old Lola and 4 year-old Sam with Richards, 24 year-old Cassandra from ex-girlfriend Paula Profit – Sheen expressed his excitement over the new baby in a press statement this week, saying, “Brooke and I are thrilled! She’s the best stepmom Sam, Lola and Cassandra could ever hope for. Seeing her love and affection with those three, I know she’ll be an amazing mom.”

He added, “Unless I bat 100 percent, perhaps a boy awaits us.”

Previously romantically linked with porn stars Ginger Lynn, Heather Hunter and Chloe Jones (who Denise Richards, in a sworn statement, suggested Sheen may have murdered), as well as at least 27 prostitutes working under former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss, Mueller reportedly calmed Sheen from his fast-lane lifestyle, a feat Richards was unable to pull off.

“I’ve never seen my daughter happier,” Mueller’s mother, socialite Moira Fiore told the Palm Beach Post shortly after the two began dating. “She told me they laugh morning, noon and night, and that she’s never been more comfortable with someone. Charlie says he loves her personality and, of course, her looks. As a mother, if they’re happy, I’m happy.”

As to allegations by Richards that Sheen often viewed pornographic images of underage boys and girls on the internet, suffers from a gambling addiction, has “tranny infested sperm”, abuses prescription drugs, physically abused Richards, sexually molested their two children, called Richards the “n” and “c” words and “a sad jobless pig”, called Richards father “retarded” and wished cancer on him, may have murdered a porn star, says President Bush was behind the Attacks on September 11th, and consistently fails to lower the toilet seat (actually, we made that last one up!), Foire said, “What matters is how he treats my daughter.”

Sheen makes a reported $20 million per-year starring on CBS’s hit show “Two and a Half Men.”

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