Porn Valley- Jimmy D was on KSEX’s the Two Live Jew Show Thursday night announcing the fact that he was shooting a Hermaphrodite. The movie’s for Damaged Pictures.
Jimmy D, www.simplyjimmyd.com, didn’t get on the show until the second half and pretty much made it sound like his presence was saving Harry Weiss and co-host Daphne Rosen from a premature burial. Stating that the show was as dead as a doornail until he arrived, Jimmy D noted how much the audience perked up when he mentioned the hermaphrodite. Jimmy also suggested that Rosen could do the show a better service by just sitting there with her tits outs.
“That’s all I’m good for, huh?” laughed Rosen. “Fuck that bullshit.” Jimmy D said he was a director and that Rosen didn’t appear to take direction well. Rosen then took her tits out.
Of course Jimmy D also begged the question as soon as he was introduced.
“Don’t ask me what I’m shooting tomorrow,” he told Weiss “You don’t want to go there in this show.” Venturing a guess, Weiss said Jimmy had already shot a tranny so that should be ruled out.
“This is worse,” said Jimmy. Weiss couldn’t guess.
“A real fucking hermaphrodite,” said Jimmy. “Who, whoa it gets better- a 55 year-old hermaphrodite that is a virgin. I swear to God. This person has never had sex. This person has gear for both.”
Rosen was trying to get to the bottom of it as to whether the hermaphrodite was calling herself a woman.
As soon as they got through the rudimentary definition of a hermaphrodite, Jimmy D said he saw pictures.
“I saw Polaroids; [he/she] was born that way- this person is just standing there looking at the camera, it looks like a guy with a penis and a nut sac,” Jimmy D continued. “Then you go in close- the penis gets lifted up away from the nut sac, then between the nut sac and the cock in that little taint area, in there is a vagina. I saw the pictures. I swear to God. I’ve been doing this a long time and I’ve got a lot of shit in my head that I wish wasn’t there already- a lot of images. They’re already there. It’s not like you have a hard drive- like a computer where you can just go delete, delete, delete. I wish it was because I’ve seen shit. But after tomorrow I think it tops it all.”
Weiss wondered whether the hermaphrodite was going to fuck itself.
“The hermaphrodite virgin is going to fuck a girl; and the girl’s going to fuck the hermaphrodite with a strap-on,” Jimmy explained.
“In the vagina?” Weiss asked.
“Yeah, in the vagina, where else… oh, you’re thinking the ass?” answered Jimmy. “No we don’t gotta go ass because this is not tranny shit.” Weiss wondered how big the vagina could be.
“It’s a vagina,” said Jimmy. Weiss was for cracking jokes but Jimmy wanted to get to the subject at hand.
“Because right now the audience actually perked up.” According to Jimmy he named the hermaphrodite, Hermione.
“How good is that?” he said. “I think it’s a great name. But the hermaphrodite wants to be known as Jenna. Fuckin’ please, I’m going to remember that?” Jimmy predicted that the Harry Potter fans weren’t going to like the hermaphrodite being named Hermione.
“To find a girl to do this we had to fly one in from Arizona,” he said. “Because those Arizona girls are, like, different. We took this concept and pitched it to Asians around the business. And they weren’t exactly making the phone ring off the hook with, oh, I got 20 girls who want to do this person. So we had to go all the way to Arizona.”
Weiss readily assumed that someone like Tera Patrick wasn’t interested.
“God that would sell, said Jimmy. “Could you imagine, Jenna Does Hermione? Oh fuck. Jenna Loves Hermione. That would be the greatest fuckin’ DVD ever made. I swear to God I’d end up owning a piece of that one.”
Noting that Damaged Pictures was producing the movie, Jimmy said he was going to do interviews with the hermaphrodite.
“So Lewis from Damaged Pictures- he runs Damaged- he’s doing this thing. He called me up like two weeks ago. You’re not going to believe what happened. This hermaphrodite- you know what a hermaphrodite is Jimmy? No, I don’t know what a hermaphrodite is, excuse me. So he calls me up then he tells me that when the hermaphrodite told him- Lewis- the story of his life, that it was the saddest, most pathetic, most make you fuckin’ cry story he’s ever heard his entire fuckin’ life- which culminates with him being a 55 year-old virgin who wants to become completely a woman.”
Jimmy said they’re going to shoot all these interviews then send the hermaphrodite on to Jerry Springer and other shows.
“They’ve got to have Hermione on their show,” Jimmy continued, saying they’d give Hermione a couple of extra bucks to make sure that she would manage to drop Damaged Pictures’ name as many times as possible on national TV.
“We’re thinking big sales for this,” Jimmy said. “Big sales.”
Weiss wanted to know why Arizona.
“Let’s just open up the phone book to Arizona.”
“Excuse me, there’s like agencies everywhere,” said Jimmy. “What do you think just because there’s 300 agencies in the porn business that there isn’t like 3,000 agencies out there?” Jimmy said he got an e-mail from the agent of the girl saying, “I can’t believe she wants to do this, but she says she wants to do it. We’re talking about the girl who is doing Hermione. How good is this?”
Jimmy said his whole life now is like shooting bizarre, freaky shit.
Earlier in the week, Jimmy was shooting for British television.
“For the JC’s girls- the Christian girls,” he explained. “They’re doing a whole show about the founder. They’re called JC’s girls, but I call them the Christian girls because I’m nice.” Jimmy explained to Rosen that these are girls who believe in Jesus Christ.
“That church has a lot of hot chicks,” observed Jimmy. “This is Heather from JC’s girls- she calls me up and she says to me, Jimmy, I’ve decided that your studio needs to be a little cleaner, so I’m going to bring some girls out there and clean the place up. She shows after church- they all caravan from Riverside- 12 girls showed up at my studio and they cleaned from two in the afternoon until fuckin’ midnight. I’m serious. With clothes on. A lot of them were really, really good looking girls. I was sitting there like a Mormon. It was unbelievable. At the end, when they’re getting ready to leave, Heather says to me, we’re coming back to decorate in August and we’re going to have a slumber party. In August it’s going to be me and like 12 good looking Christian girls having a slumber party in my studio.” Weiss suspected that Jimmy had two weeks to set up all the hidden cameras.
“Because you will.”
Jimmy said a documentarian was going to cover the slumber party.
Weiss wanted to air out the old dead beats, bitches and bastards segment of the show and asked Jimmy rhetorically how long it’s been that he’s owed Weiss $100. Jimmy casually reminded Weiss that he took photo sets of Weiss’ girls for the agency website. As a photographer, Jimmy said he gets a lot more for a photo shoot than Weiss’ “shitty-assed” 100 bucks. Jimmy also reminded Weiss that he shot four of his girls and that was $1600 worth of photography.
“You being a Jew this is really going to fucking kill you- I’m not paying you the hundred bucks. Straight up,” Jimmy D told Weiss. “I get big money to shoot these girls.”
“From Anarchy?” Weiss scoffed.
“Their money’s good,” said Jimmy.
“If you get to the bank in time,” said Weiss.
“What were you telling me?” Jimmy continued. “Oh, what time did you go to the bank? Two o’clock? Oh, somebody got there sooner and they took your money.”
“That was told to you by the owner of the company,” said Weiss.
“How did somebody else get my money?” said Jimmy. “You wrote me a check. The check’s no good. And you’re telling me that somebody else got my money? How does that work? Fuckin’ Jews, man.”
“They’re not Jews, they’re Israelis,” Weiss reminded him. “There’s a big fuckin difference.” Weiss was also curious what happened with Jimmy’s company Bad Girl Pictures.
“You know, like, when sail boats go out in the water and there’s no wind?” said Jimmy grasping for metaphors. “That’s what happened. Dead calm. There’s no wind so the boat can’t move forward. We in our case there’s no fuckin’ money so the boat can’t move forward.”
Weiss asked why is that.
“Let’s see one of my partners turned out to be a fuckin’ psychopath,” said Jimmy. “And the other one is in jail. The one with the money is in jail. So what am I’m going to do? I can’t get money out of him because he’s in fuckin’ jail. He’s in stir.”