Porn Valley- Don Hollywood’s killing some time before the ABC Channel 7 news truck arrives. So Hollywood and I, of all topics, are talking about training- weight training, other types of training. Brooke Hunter’s, www.brookesbitches.com feeling my shoulders and my ass and determines that I must be doing some kind of training which grants me license to talk about training.

We’re all sitting outside of the Str-8 Up Studios, and Hollywood’s telling me about his regimen of doing 3 1/2 miles at a brisk clip. Does it in 30 minutes. This is a pretty good jaunt for a Dirty Old Lawyer, www.dirtyoldlawyer.com. Hollywood’s telling me this story about a doctor who told him, yeah, you want to lose weight fast? Use testosterone. Must have been Barry Bonds’ doctor, but Hollywood took the M.D.’s advice and Hollywood proceeds to tell me a story that would make Jose Canseco wince. Hunter’s going, yeah, Hollywood on the stuff turned into this crazed goofball which is anything but the way Don Hollywood generally comes off. So Don Hollywood stops taking the stuff that’s turning him into this crazed goofball. Hollywood then tells me about Erotica L.A.- used to be his baby- it’s a story that would turn anyone into a crazed goofball. And Erotica L.A. is kind of the starting point in an interview that Hollywood conducts for L.A.’s Channel 7.

Ever since a story appeared in the LA Journal a couple of weeks ago, you’d think Hollywood was Paris Hilton the way the mainstream press has been after him for interviews. Hollywood, a criminal defense attorney, has also be on Celebrity Justice; and Reuters had a reporter out to his house last week to do an interview. Julie Night and Brooke Hunter fisted their asses for the occasion. It was lovely. The Reuters piece hasn’t surfaced yet, but Channel 7 wants to air something Friday night.

“Sweeps week ! ” Henri Pachard growls. Lee Ann, this hot reporter chick for Channel 7, is not disagreeing with him. Because that’s how it works. Porn stories surface during TV sweeps. Bet your bottom dollar. Meanwhile, Pachard’s telling some hard-to-follow story about two Latvians and a Russian and the fact that he’s moving from one condo to another. And everyone’s going like what the fuck is Pachard talking about. I explain to Lee Ann that you have to humor him. He’s a legend.

Lee Ann discovers she also has an interesting connection with Don Hollywood. Her mother’s a criminal lawyer in Ohio and tells a story about how one of her mother’s clients threatened the entire family. The only threats, one might assume, Hollywood gets are from a portion of society that doesn’t like seeing a 56 year-old man with his pants off. But Lee Ann never gets the chance to see Hollywood with his pants off, either, although the intentions are quite noble. Hollywood’s telling Lee Ann how he chose his porn name.

Going by the formula of picking a pet’s name and a street name, Hollywood might have been Roy Blackburn, he tells her. Except that name wasn’t shooting off any guns or ringing chimes as far as Hollywood was concerned. Then it dawns on Hollywood. He has this client, a reputed gangster, who’s nicknamed the Hollywood Don. This, Hollywood likes.

Hollywood’s asked the popular question – how he got into the adult business and details Erotica L.A.’s history going back to the Hollywood Paladium. The funnier anecdote emerges when Hollywood describes the first time he’s working in front of a camera. Since then, Hollywood’s been type cast in variety of mayor, judges and doctor roles, but this scene for something titled Sex Fun 2 finds Hollywood in a ski mask. And Brooke Hunter, doing her first scene, as well, catches him rifling through her drawers. When the punch line of the burglar scenario is presented to him, after the fact, Hollywood, by now, beat red and nearly passed out, realizes he didn’t have to be wearing the ski mask the entire time.

Lee Ann maybe comes up with five ways of asking Hollywood the same question, like what do his clients think about this and does Hollywood tell them he’s a practicing porn star. Hollywood’s calm, resolute answers lend the impression that no one basically gives a shit, that this is no big deal. He tells some story about a judge who blows his brains out in a parking lot, but I think this is more to illustrate the idea that nobody’s going to get worked up over a lawyer with a big dick.

Hollywood goes on to relate how his dynamic essentially thrives on the principle of the old man coupling with a young girl. And that’s essentially why Maya has been booked to come in and do a scene with him. Maya has this decidely southern accent but says she’s from New York. Maya’s eyes, however, are checking out the Channel 7 news camera like what the fuck’s going on here. The sense of it is that Maya has been spooked. And the reality is you would have been right to have guessed that. There’s some discussion going on with Brooke Hunter in the back room, and Hunter’s telling the press the scene ain’t happenin’. Reasons are given from Maya’s lips that Maya’s agent Scooby didn’t tell her about this, didn’t tell her about that, didn’t tell her that another girl [Hunter] would be in the scene; didn’t tell her that Hollywood had this huge cock.

With this being a smooth, cool interview so far, Hollywood’s figuring maybe this snag has worked out for the best. Because that’s all he needs- some girl with feets-don’t-fails-me-now eyes maybe giving the big bad $53 billion dollar a year porn industry another black one.