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Review: Lord of Asses 3

Howard Stern held one on his show this morning, but Tom Byron’s [] Lord of Asses 3 takes the blue ribbon when it comes to any best butt contest.

Especially with a power house lineup that includes the likes of Alexandra Quinn, Ryan Connor, Alana Evans, Alexandra Nice, Shauna Sexton and Eve. In this DVD issue from Byron’s new Classic-X collection, the Icon gets the call and goes to work like a one-man trauma team specializing in psychotic proctology, performing the ol’ Cram McAnus with scenes specifically lensed to fill the screen with breathtaking vistas of panoramic cheek.

The Eve featured in this volume is blond, beautiful, mature, and European with an ass like an old world bookcase – and Eve’s very little inclined towards the small talk. “No talk, just sex,” she says. Well, okay, if that’s how you want it, as Byron slides into her butt like hell’s trombone.

Clinging to her hips like a newborn monkey to its mother, Byron nails Eve’s ass with the commitment of an insurance policy closer and finishes the whole job off with a massive facial.

With Alexandra Quinn emitting sounds like someone’s hurting animals, Byron tests her butt cheeks for maximum tire pressure and gives Quinn the ol’ Calgary shit boiler in several positions that includes a very healthy spoon insertion. [It’s also pretty much a given that the cowgirl and reverse cowgirl positions are in the basic inventory throughout each of the scenes in this collection.]

Then, after Byron’s finished planting air kisses on her asshole, note how, when Alexandra Nice gets it in the reverse position, the needle flies on the erotic meter when her luscious legs gravitate skywards.

As though some one had been eating spare ribs in her asshole, Byron’s nose and tongue are then scoping out Alana Evans for seconds. And with Byron’s dick finally nesting in her colon, Alana takes a wild ride in the cowgirl position that will interactively make your thigh muscles squeal for mercy.

Possessed of an ass that’s packed and round like a stuffed foam pillow from Motel 6, Shauna Sexton also has lot of Barbra Streisand going for her where the nose occupies the face and leaves room for little else. But, by the same token, Sexton performs like she fell out of the fuck-my-ass-tree and hit every branch on the way down. And, as you can well expect, Ryan Connor whose ass reminds you of two heads debating in a duffel bag, lends a stirring finale as Byron performs, among other acts of shit love, a spine rearranging pile driver.


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