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Sean Looks at the Week of 9/6/2009; Newt Gingrich, Pink Visual, Dope of the Week Award Co- Winners

Sean from writes: You want straight, no nonsense journalism, you stick with

“I am bizarre, twisted, and perfectly willing to hit even the most sacred of cows of this industry upside the head.” – Sean

The Hero of the Week Award goes to Shawne Merriman. Shawne decided to have a preseason party at the house. [Looking good so far.] He took two female party guests up to the bedroom for a little two-on-one drill. [Nothing wrong with that.] Next, in walks the girlfriend, Tila Tequila. No problem: Shawne suggests the three-on-one drill [affectionately referred to by football players as the nutcracker drill…for obvious reasons]. Tequila wasn’t too crazy about that idea and events appear to become cloudy at that point. Nonetheless, he is our hero trying to bang not one, not two, but three pieces of ass at the same time. He is truly an All-Pro in our eyes.

The Dope of the Week Award winners are American Solutions for Winning the Future, former U.S. House speaker Newt Gingrich’s organization and Pink Visual’s Allison Vivas.

It appears the dopes at Newt’s conservative organization announced that Allison Vivas was named their recipient of its Entrepreneur of the Year award for 2009. Think for a moment: why would a conservative Republican group give anyone from the adult industry an award for anything. Not happening, not in a million years. Any idiot with half of a brain can realize that.

Either it was naïveté or just being full of one’s self, but without questioning it, Allison Vivas actually thought she was going to be given a half-baked award from this conservation group.

Surprise! Shortly after Newt’s dopes realized what they did the following statement was released: “We have notified Allison Vivas that the notice she received was sent by mistake,” a spokesman says. “We regret the error.”

Don’t fret Allison, that room you cleared in your trophy case can still be used for your Dope of the Week award.

This week’s Sasha Grey Media Whore Award winner is Playboy. The once proud magazine offered Lindsay Lohan $900,000 for a layout and it was reported she turned them down twice. Appearing desperate at this point, it has been reported that they offered $400,000 to Kate Gosselin for a spread. Thank God she turned them down as well because really, who needs to see that nude. If it wasn’t for Hef’s divorce and these cockamamie offers to D-List celebrities I suspect Playboy what have been forgotten by now. Congratulations, for keeping that relic of a company in the public eye, you truly are first-class media whores.

The Nancy Kerrigan Crybaby Award, sponsored by Kleenex, winner is Desi Foxx. On her blog, Desi wrote a touching story about how she came about being a porn star. I’ve read similar accounts from other porn stars written in an attempt to cleanse their soul and of course to place the blame for their fucked up lives onto others.

Desi begins her anthology with this classic line: “I was molested by the son of my parents best friends when I was 12 until I was almost 16.” Surprisingly, other porn stars usually start with their mom’s boyfriend being the molester. Nice changeup. Then she continues with more accounts of rape, affairs, pregnancies, abusive husbands, blah, blah, blah.

Maybe she, Shelley Lubben, and others of her ilk will have a good cry over the story. I just felt I was reading the same book for the tenth time. Go away. Just go away.

The Creep of the Week winner is John Hudson. Johnny has a fetish: it appears he likes to jack-off wearing women’s lingerie and fishnet stockings while having a dildo wedged up his ass. Hey, whatever floats your boat, but this creep decided to do it in a public parking lot. He was arrested for obscenity and endangerment to a dildo. Next time, creep, keep it behind closed doors.

Bullshit Quote of the Week – New Sensations issued a press release regarding their upcoming porn parody, “70’s Show – A XXX Parody.” Lee Roy Myers gave this quote: “This is one of our funniest and sexiest movies to date,” Myers comments. “What better set up for a sex comedy than an entire era of fun, excellent music, and tight tight jeans.” Lee Roy Myers is the fucking director of the flick: what the hell else is he going to say about? Hey, New Sensations, send me a check with a crooked number followed by a comma and three zeros and I’ll tell you if its one of your funniest and sexiest movies to date. Hell, I’ll tell people it’s the greatest epic since Gone with the Wind. But when the director tells me this, I’m calling Bullshit.

The Douche Bag Award goes to former Orange County Assemblyman Michael Duvall. He was heard speaking about his sexual conquests over an open microphone that was later broadcast over television. This douche bag denied anything took place and described his speech as simply “inappropriate story-telling.” In an attempt to divert attention from his unwitting confession he tried to blame the media: “The resulting media coverage was proving to be an unneeded distraction to my colleagues and I resigned in the hope that my decision would allow them to return to the business of the state.” Whatever, douche bag, your wife’s lawyer will be in touch.

The Norman Einstein Award winners are two hicks from the sticks, Cody Allen Sexton, 20, and Kenny Dean Andrews, 20. These two Einsteins allegedly removed a promotional DVD from a DVD player built into a display in the furniture aisle at Walmart. The DVD player was connected to six televisions in the store. No doubt Pink Visual will issue a press release claiming it was one of their titles used in this hillbilly caper. Eventually, a customer notified a manager and the DVD was removed from the player. Congratulations, Einsteins, you’ve been charged with a felony. I’m sure; however, the charges will be reduced to a lesser one of just being a moron in public.

Belated Birthdays – Minka 09/07, Chessie Moore 09/08, Zoe Zeman 09/08, Sandra Shine 09/09, Nikki Knockers 9/11, Bunny Luv 9/12, Heather Hooters 9/12,

> Imperial Showgirls Strip club in Pico Rivera closed for good – “This was a real blight in the midst of our city.” Keep believing this industry is loved and read the story here:

> Ryan Jenklins Also Pulled Real Estate Scams – Read the story here:

> More on the Gingrich/Pink Video Screw-up – Read the story here:

> Dave Cummings- From the Trenches, September, 2009 Edition – Dave is a big Chargers fan: to bad he thinks Lance Allworth is still playing wide receiver for them. Read his newsletter here:

> Gingrich Group Screws Up; Revokes Entrepreneurship Award for Pink Video – Oops, never mind. Read the story here:

> Porn Studios Set To Target 65,000 Movie Uploaders – Read the details here:

> Dealing with Deadbeats? Call This Number…. – Or borrow one of Rob Spallone’s baseball bats. Read the story here:

> Another Playboy exec moves on; named CEO of SnapMyLife maker, Mobicious – Appears he did a bang-up job for Playboy. Read the story here:

> Former WWE Champ Busted for Steroids, Pills – Damn you Vern Gagne. Read the story here:

> Hot-to-Trot Female Gym Teacher Arrested for Allegedly Having Sex With Boy, 14 – Read the story here:

Sean’s Hot-to-Trot Gym Teacher Fuck Scale: A stunned looking 6.

> Track Star Update: Caster Semenya is a Hermaphrodite – Semenya is claimed to have NO womb or ovaries — and has internal testes. Sounds like a few husbands of porn stars I know. Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Read the story here:

> From the AFY Football Pool Files: Orlando Brown Accused of Taking Dump in Ex-Wife’s Basement – Genius all but admitted to it. Read the story here:

> Alabama Still in the 18th Century; Its top court rejects challenge to state’s ban on sale of sex toys – Read the story here:

> Man charged in murder of prostie had been deported 3 times – She had not been sexually assaulted…Read the story here:

> Ron Jeremy signing autographs at the Tucson premiere of “Blood Moon Rising” Saturday night – Read the hype here:

> “Secret” Meeting claims 15 Attendees – “Shock and awe will be hitting those cited companies soon enough.” Read the story here:

> Jay Grdina, Jenna Jameson Being Sued by Partner Over Penthouse Deal – Begs to wonder how successful Club Jenna really was. Read this interesting story here:

> City of Seattle sued on allegations that foot-dragging is preventing Aurora strip club from opening – Read the story here:

> Hugh Hefner’s Sons: Playboy Needs New Direction – Rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Read the story here:

> Thursday story of the Day Replay; Nina Hartley: “The industry will shrink and stay shrunken” – She’s had more cocks in her than the deep fryer at KFC. Read the story here:

> Chasey Lain: “You Can Stop Talking Shit About Me” – She went into drug rehab and seven dope dealers filed for bankruptcy. Read the story here:

> Assemblyman who was listening to Mike Duvall Sex Stories is removed from Ethics Committee – Sex Stories? Ethics? This is baby shit compared to Illinois politics. Read the story here:

> Sex, Lies & Children – “Family Values groups and other opponents of free speech routinely use the terms “pornography,” “obscenity” and “child pornography,” interchangeably…” Read the War & Peace here:

> In-Store Porn Leads To Arrests – Oops, just kidding. Read the story here:

> Pennysaver Advertised Brothel Featuring Underaged Girls – “It took us a lot of time to find the brothels and infiltrate them…” I infiltrated this one hooker six times. Read the story here:

> Miami City Commissioners vote not to extend a liquor license to Club Madonna – It keeps strip clubs from dominating the South Beach scene. Read the story here:

> Outraged Parents Sue Wal-Mart, And Arizona for Taking Kids Because of Bath Tub Photos – Wal-Mart better find the checkbook. Read the story here:

> Francis Koenig: Mike Weiss lied to GFY community in “iPorn Scam Revealed” story – Read the story here:

> “Koenig cheated me out of the iPorn domain” Tryst Says He Was Suckered Royally – Read the story here:

>‘Porn Pastor’ Reaches Out to Social Outcasts in Vegas, Nationwide – Hey, homos, Craig Gross says God loves you but He isn’t crazy about the Methodists. Read the hype here:

> VCX Celebrates: Debbie’s Dirty 30; Miss Jones 40 & Fabulous – Read the hype here.

> Judge dismisses woman’s suit alleging Web searches link to porn sites – So much for her payday. Read the story here:

> Andrea McNulty wants list of every woman Ben Roethlisberger ever had sex with – Maybe if Big Ben reimburses her for the ‘Morning After Pill’ she’ll drop the case. Read the story here:

> Metro Announces Latest Version of – Read the hype here:

> The Industry Was Just Plain Stupid By Giving It Away – This guy gets it. Read the story here:

> Flynt Brothers Launch Site In Compliance With Judges Order – Launches – Read the hype here:

> Jazella Moore Club Appearance is a Bust – “There’s no one here,” he lamented… Read the story here:

> ‘Big Brother’ Hoax Victims Filmed For Porn – You can’t fix stupid. Read the story here:

> X-rated movies household phenomena in France – Another moron study considering the fact that the French practically invented porn. Read it here:

> Oh, Cut Us a Break; Hugh Hefner Says My Wife Cheated on Me – “I only remained married for the sake of the children at her request.” Yeah, and your lawyers said you should. Read the story here:

> Orange County Assemblyman Mike Duvall resigns after his Sex Conquest comments are broadcast – Bragging about that devil pussy brings another good man down. Read the story here:

> Ben Roethlisberger’s attorney rejects McNulty settlement offer – “insult to women who have legitimately suffered from sexual misconduct.” Read the story here: If this was a boxing match they would have stopped it by now.

> Ipswich Foot Sucker uses Chinese massage Defense – An ancient Chinese secret? Read the story here:

> ALS Scan: Nothing But Wonderful Experiences with Tanner Mayes – Charlie Manson has his fans too. Read the story here:

> Hugh Hefner Finally Files for Divorce – Better find his checkbook. Read the story here:

> King of Clubs, a Sexy, Outlandish New Half-Hour Reality Series Premieres September 25 on Playboy TV – Read the hype here:

> Steve Hirsch Calls for a “Secret” Industry Meeting This Afternoon Regarding Cal-OSHA – I had the chicken salad and Steve had a hotdog off the kiddies’ menu. Read the story here:

> Prince George’s Weighs New Restrictions on Adult Stores – In a response to resident complaints that the establishments attract crime and ruin the character of their neighborhoods. Read the story here:

> Foot fetish pervert escapes jail; Painted the Toenails of Young Girls – If the story didn’t involve children it would be hilarious. Read the story here:

> Subrina Love Asks: Why aren’t Black BBW’S No Longer Working In the Adult Film Industry Today? – I haven’t seen that much brown sugar since I toured the C & H plant. Read her letter here:

> Update: Tacoma judge’s sex crime trial delayed; Witness Vanishes – By the size of the judge, I’d suspect he ate the witness. Read the details here:

> Jenna Haze: Hawaiian Bikini Babe – Whatever. Read the hype here:

> Not Married with Children XXX Hits #1 on Sales Charts – Of course it does. Read the hype here:

> Julie Simone, Slain Wayne, and Severe Society Films Premiere Videos at Club Fetish Nation – Read the hype here:

> Sunny Lane Needs Your Vote as Booble Girl of Year & Enroll in Pornstar 101 – Read the hype here:

> Odds Stacked Against porn stars when Spending more than 5 minutes on screen w/o doinking somebody – “They got naked, fucked a guy, and left. In other words, it was a Wednesday.” Read the story here:

> Kiddie Porn Sportscaster Proves to Be a Real Jackoff – Gamere appeared indignant about facing five years behind bars… Read the story here:

> Woman Says Max Factor Heir Hid Assets to Avoid $19M Judgment After Rape Conviction – Appears she may get a monster payday. Read the details here:

> Indianapolis Can’t Justify New Adult Business Rules – Hey, hey, the adult industry won one. Read the details here:

> Jeff Mullen: You forgot a football title…. – Read this suggestion here:

> Palms Casino Pearl Concert Theatre to host 2010 AVN Awards Show January 10, 2010 – As bad as business is, by January you’ll be able to hold that show in a phone booth. Read the hype here:

> Sandy Bunz Responds to Melissa: “free porn webmasters have stolen content” – Read his reply here:

> Update: U.S. says NY Ponzi operator diverted money for porn – The guy got away with it for 30 years. Bravo. Read the story here:

> Desi Foxx: Save Me from XPT !!; She’sTelling Obama and Others – Read the story here:

> Video stores, union reps rally against buck-a-night Redbox kiosks – “And as for Redbox killing the film industry? Give me a break.” Read the story here:

> Amy Fisher To Appear at September’s NJ-Based Adult Expo – I’m guessing she wouldn’t turn down Playboy. Read the hype here:

> Pure Play Media’s Very PRIVATE Sale – Read the hype here:

> Sex crime trial beginning for Tacoma judge; Paid a Man for Sex or So the Story Goes – Read the story here:

> Report: Kate Gosselin offered $400K to pose nude for Playboy But Turns It Down – When Lindsay Lohan turns you down twice, you know it’s time to quit. But when Kate Gosselin and her saddle bags tells you no, it’s all over. Read the story here:

> Rebecca Love Gets Mainstream Movie Role, Nominated For Nightmoves Award – Read the hype here:

> Fuck You Cash Unleashes a Torrent of Sperm with Cumshot Surprise – Read the hype here:

> Adult business takes a hit; Cybernet Expo cut back on sponsorships, parties and dinners – “If you have only $20 and need it to pay for electricity, you’ll pay for electricity.” Read what you already know here:

> From the AdultFYI Football Pool Files:The 25 best football movies ever? But No Duke – What about “Gus” the kicking mule? See the list here:

> “The adult porn shop’s days are numbered if not all together over”; “Sandy Bunz, Shut the Fuck Up” – “$60 for a fucking DVD? And they wonder why 18-30 year olds would rather download free porn.” Read the story here:

> Update: ‘Girls Gone Wild’ Founder Joe Francis Says 3 Execs Embezzled – Read the story here:

> Opening of VIP Prompting Talk of Temporary Moratorium in this Connecticut Town – Read the story here:

> Steve Hirsch calls for PS3 support – “It’s too early to say to what extent this could help our business, but it certainly has real potential.” Read the story here:

> Joe Francis Being Sued Again- This Time by a Construction Company – Owes them $47,033.66 (plus another $24,848.19 in interest). Geez, you get better interest rates from loan sharks. Read the story here:

> Men behind porn DVD empire, Direct Media, jailed – 15 months for conspiracy to publish obscene material. Read the story here:

> ‘Porn Pastor’ Offers Love to Gays, Gluttons, Outcasts – Read the Craig Gross puff piece here:

> Did Tanner Mayes Have to Perform Sex Acts to Pick Up Checks for Work Already Done? – One person who didn’t quite like the interview was Tony Malice From JM Productions. Read the story here:

> AVN Chris no longer with AVN – The problem is no one thinks AVN’s rolodex is worth the paper it’s printed on any more. Read the latest here:

> Hot-To-Trot British Teach Placed on Sex Offenders List – Read the story here:

Sean’s Hot –To-Trot Teacher Fuck Scale: 1…A British bulldog.

> Shawne Merriman Allegedly “Choked” Tila Tequila; And They Seemed Like Such a Happy Couple – A four game suspension for steroid boy appears likely. Read the details here:

> Tila Tequila’s troubled past – Appears Shawne Merriman’s people have gone on the attack. Read the story here:

> “Sasha Grey is a Face in Search of an Expression” – Read the pabulum here:

> Porn whore’s Boyfriend Guilty of murdering caretaker; Paid Her Three Times a Week for Sex – Appears he was getting a volume discount from Rent-A-Wreck. Read the story here:


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