Daily Eastern News Picks Its Favorite Porn Parodies: Not Bewitched XXX Number One

from www.dennews.com – Within the depths of every video store is a place full of less than family-friendly cinematography; yes, we’re talking about the ever-illusive pornography section. But let’s not talk about “Deep Throat,” “Debbie Does Dallas” or “1 Night in Paris.”

Everyone watches porn. Some for the pure entertainment value, some for more personal recreational reasons. Regardless, we all watch it. Some of us are just more willing than others to admit it.

One of the things we wanted to prove with this Sex Issue is that sex should not be a taboo thing. It is something that should be openly discussed – and what better way to start an open dialogue about sex than porn parodies? They are horribly written, disgustingly clever and a more comfortable method to breach the “dreaded topic “of sex. Here are some of our favorites.

NIKE’S PICKS

1) “Not Bewitched XXX” (2008)

I always wondered what they didn’t show when the scenes would fade to black. With twitch of her nose, Samantha could do anything… or anyone.

2) “Not the Brady’s XXX” (2007)

Watching “The Brady Bunch” is an American past-time, and nothing says “thank you for all you did to keep our children pure and clean” like making a porno about it. In 2007, the six kids participated in tons of sex to keep the government from foreclosing on their house. Thanks, Brady Bunch! We salute you.

3) “This Isn’t Twilight:

The XXX Parody” (2009)

With the tagline “When you can fuck forever, you can fuck everybody,” how can anything go wrong? This might be the best “Twilight” movie so far (but fear not, there are sequels in this franchise as well). The sad thing is that porn star veteran Jenna Haze (Bella) has more facial movements than Kristin Stewart. Look it up and check it out! But beware: much like the actual movie series, you are left feeling dirty, used and abused when brought to fruition.

4) “This Ain’t Avatar: The XXX Parody” (2010)

OK, the scary thing about this movie is how ridiculously good the costumes and effects were. I was left wondering if James Cameron used the same system. The scenery was pretty up there. It’s always risky to parody a memorable movie — left alone the highest-grossing movie of all time (I still haven’t recovered from when it beat Titanic), but Hustler Video did it…in bed.

5) “This Ain’t Star Trek: The XXX Parody” (2009)

This whole plot is kind of out-there for me, but it deals with Spock meeting some woman named Ruth (played by Jenna Haze…she gets around), who has some type of lust-producing effect on him. A virus is released and Dr. McCoy identifies the only antidote as having multiple orgasms.

SHELLEY’S PICKS

1) “The Sex Files” (2009)

This X-Files parody is superb. No, really, it is. It may be pathetic, but I appreciate that the director of this cinematic classic is obviously an X-Files fan. It’s like the fulfillment of all of Mulder and Scully dreams. And as far as adult entertainment goes, the production value is actually quite impressive (and yes, I can actually say that with a straight face. Throw in some occult references and Lillith, the mother of all evil, and you have a great parody.

2) “Quantum Deep” (1993)

This is probably one of my favorite pop culture parodies. Why is it so fantastic? Because it combines two of my favorite things: ridiculously awful space porn and Quantum Leap, one of my favorite shows. This is a difficult gem to find, but well worth the search.

3) Na na na na na na na na na …. BATMAN!

I am a total comic nerd – this ain’t a secret. I practically shout it at strangers sometimes. But when it comes to adult entertainment of the caped crusader variety, I couldn’t pick just one because there are not one, but TWO fantastically horrible Batman parodies.

a. “BATFXXX: Dark Night Parody” (2010)

If you are a fan of Christopher Nolan’s beautiful cinematography, Hans Zimmer’s menacing score and Heath Ledger’s Oscar-winning performance … well, don’t expect any of that from this parody. But do expect some impeccably *cough* acted performances.

b. “Batman XXX:A Porn Parody” (2010)

If you are a fan of the original Adam West 1960s Batman series, look no further. This gem has all the wondrous campiness of the original show, except Batman has more explicit gadgets to whip out.

4) “30 Rock: A XXX Parody” (2009)

I include this on the list only because of my pure, borderline creepy adoration of Tina Fey. However, if you are looking at character continuity (because that’s what porn directors are truly concerned about, right?) it is completely disingenuine to Liz Lemon to portray her as some sexy, sexy vixen. She would just become distracted by a sandwich in the distance. And that is why I love her.

5) “Who’s the Boss: A XXX Parody” (2010)

Why in all that is holy would I include this on this list? Because the pure thought of Tony Danza in any sexual situation makes anyone uncomfortable – something I am all about. No, it actually isn’t Tony Danza in this fine piece of cinema, but just the thought of it induces illness and hilarity. You’re welcome.

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