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A Good Story is Worth Repeating: Is the World Ready for a JFK Porn Parody?

from www.adultcybermart.com – As tasteless as it might sound, the time’s probably right for a JFK porn parody.

True, Lee Roy Myers directed “Here Cums the President” for GoodNight Media with Rocco Reed in one segment playing the 35th President of the United States and Diamond Foxx as Marilyn Monroe, his 956th mistress. But Myers’ effort doesn’t count.

[According to some living Secret Service and FBI agents from that time who now feel compelled to open up about such things, the sexually unquenchable Kennedy had, on the average, a woman a day during his 1000 day presidency.]

Not bad for a guy with Addison’s Disease, a liver full of undigested daily doses of pain killers, and a crippling bad back. And making you well aware of those squeamish facts, though, frankly, I hadn’t expected it, is Greg Kinnear [pictured]. Kinnear arguably delivers the best JFK to date in the controversial mini series “The Kennedys”.

[Controversial in the sense that Kennedy family pressure- because it makes no bones that JFK is a flagrant womanizer- is rumored to have prompted The History Channel from airing it. The ReelzChannel finally picked it up.]

It arrived on DVD this week, and if you’re a Kennedy partisan like I am, by all means add this to your collection.

Another Kennedy film that doesn’t appear too shy about laying it all out as far as his transgressions and early bedroom conquests is JFK: Reckless Youth with Patrick Dempsey playing JFK in his early days. While Kennedy was a reasonably handsome guy, Dempsey looks like he should be playing John Jr. instead. A very good film, though.

At last we learn the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the “PT 109” incident. But if it’s the fairly tale you want, you can always watch the version with the late Cliff Robertson playing Kennedy.

In “The Kennedys” Greg Kinnear, reflecting on the fact that he didn’t want to run for office, states that all he wanted to do was teach school and chase women. Actually the fact of the matter is that Kennedy wanted to be a Playboy and hang out in Hollywood with Frank Sinatra.

But it wasn’t until Judith Campbell Exner appeared before the Church subcommittee that America had any inkling of the extent of Kennedy’s dalliances. As mistresses go, Exner hit the whore Trifecta by boasting Kennedy and mobsters Sam Giancana and Johnny Roselli as lovers, and her story’s told in the Showtime movie Power and Beauty.

Natasha Henstridge [see her naked in “Species”] plays Exner while Kevin Anderson is JFK. You know, sooner or later, we’re going to be treated to Donny Osmond playing a Kennedy if Anderson is any indication.

Another thing, if you had a nickel for every actor who played Kennedy [there’s at least 25 biographical films where he’s featured either as the main character or in a supporting role] then you’d have the wherewithal to take over Gov. Rick Perry’s Social Security payments.

Kinnear, as I’ve said, has it nailed although some of the obvious “JFK wig” moments should have been caught by the continuity people before the camera did.

Charlie’s old man, Martin Sheen also played Kennedy in a 5 hour mini-series titled “Kennedy”. With his own abundant hair, Sheen essays the character in an amusing helium-voiced Vegas lounge Kennedy impersonation.

What I found intriguing about parts of it, having been a PR manager for US Steel, is the scene where Kennedy rakes US Steel president Roger Blough over the coals on a proposed price hike. That was perhaps the darkest moment in the corporation’s history and made Kennedy even more political enemies.

But Sheen as Kennedy? C+ maybe B-; Best casting was Vincent Gardenia as the pompous, pain-in-the-ass J. Edgar Hoover. In the Jackie Kennedy pose down, I’m taking Katie Holmes’ Jackie in “The Kennedys” over Blair Brown in this series. Holmes I think was way too cute for her own good, however.

Don’t laugh. There’s actually a good Kevin Costner movie out there, but Thirteen Days, about the Cuban Missile Crisis, still proves that Costner’s as wooden as Cigar Store Indians come.

[Dream casting would put Costner and Nicolas Cage together in a cop buddy movie.]

Fortunately, with his crappy rendition of a Boston accent, Costner doesn’t get to play Kennedy. It’s Bruce Greenwood- not a bad choice- who does a very good job in another excellent dramatization. Footnote wise, the original version was a TV movie called Missiles of October with William Devane playing Kennedy.

In the mini-series, “RFK,” one which you might have trouble finding even with a Google search, Linus Roache as Bobby Kennedy is way more convincing than his counterpart, Barry Pepper is in “The Kennedys”.

Because the story picks up on the day of the Assassination, Martin Donovan is simply okay but no screen presence as JFK in flashback. And whoever cast James Cromwell as Lyndon Johnson must have been born after the Vietnam War and heard stories about Johnson around the family barbecue and never seen a picture of him first hand.

For a truly great LBJ, though, look to Michael Gambon in Path To War as well as Alec Baldwin as a real prick Robert McNamara in the same film.

While Roache is top notch, “Kennedy: Robert Kennedy and His Times” starring Brad Davis as RFK is another superb five hours. Though Davis looks a lot less like Bobby than does Roache, Cliff DeYoung’s not even a bleacher seat in the JFK lookalike ballpark.

Outside of maybe Joe Piscopo or the late Phil Hartman playing him, nobody’s ever going to really nail the essence of Frank Sinatra except maybe in caricature. Ray Liotta as ‘Ol Blue Eyes in “The Rat Pack” is a black eye on the Sinatra casting legacy, but that film rates a better than average grade because of it’s sleazy, tabloid feel.

[Another casting boo boo goes to the selection of Bobby Slayton playing Joey Bishop, though Joe Mantegna runs a close second as Dean Martin.]

Playing Sinatra in “The Kennedys” is actor Chris Diamantopoulos, but he might as well be the pit boss at the old Sahara Hotel & Casino for what little panache Diamantopoulos brings to the role.

On the other hand, Philip Casnoff, anointed by none other than the Chairman himself to play him in the TV mini series “Sinatra,” is nearly impeccable casting, at least as a younger Sinatra, and James F. Kelly takes his best shot at playing JFK in that project.

In “The Rat Pack,” William Petersen is also seen briefly as JFK when Sinatra introduces him to Marilyn Monroe. As far as Monroe, you can almost gussy up any cheap Hollywood bottle blond and get a reasonable facsimile. Charlotte Sullivan plays Monroe in “The Kennedys”. In one scene she looks eerily like Marilyn, in another, a hooker who lost control over her makeup.

Barbara Niven is MM in “The Rat Pack” but a fair resemblance to the late actress would be calling it a stretch. Whereas Poppy Montgomery sometimes has you actually believing she is Monroe in the mini series “Blonde,” but there’s no JFK angle.

Overall, Catherine Hicks may have done the best job playing the screen legend in a little seen 1980 TV Movie titled Marilyn: The Untold Story. If JFK was ever going to bang a broad, it certainly would have been Hicks.

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