[Violet Blue of SF Gate interviews Lorelei Lee]

Lorelei Lee glows. Not simply because her hair is a halo of sunshine blond, her eyes a clear liquid gaze, or because all of her features combine uniquely to make her a stunning young woman — natural body and all. Lorelei Lee smiles. A lot. And in porn, that’s a rarity.

Lee is a local girl porn performer who’s hit the mainstream with impact, but she prefers to work and play close to home. The last time I saw her in person, she was onstage at Femina Potens reading excerpts from her memoirs. Her passages were perfect pieces of prose that made me lose track of time and get lost in the rhythm and cadence of her reading, told between big smiles, even when painful in topic. Lee was telling us about her poetry scholarship, the boyfriend who spent it all, her first steps into porn, and her mother’s ever-evolving, frenetic reactions. I was impressed with her writing.

It’s exactly this space that fascinates: the story behind the sex work. A young woman’s first decision to have sex for money, not love. Every story is different; every woman has her reasons why. How each individual sex worker navigates sex for money is unique.

Even though I am not a porn performer, I am often asked by total strangers how to “get into porn.” I tell them I don’t really know but to see who’s hiring, to expect risks, to be physically fit, and to be absolutely certain that they can have sex and not require cuddling or any aftercare. I never know the motivations or stories behind the question, and I can only answer as a spectator. I need cuddling — vibrators are worthless at snuggling — so I’m not really qualified.

That’s one of the reasons I was happy to talk to Lee. With an aura that keeps your eyes on her no matter where she’s at in a room or onscreen, as well as her penchant for extreme onscreen activities, I knew she could best describe the terrain.

Violet Blue: Is being a porn performer easy?

Lorelei Lee: OK, my first answer is that no matter what the actual job is like, “being a porn performer” is, in many ways, pretty much as difficult as “being a gay person” in terms of the ways it affects your life and your interactions in the world. That is, it might be easier (still perhaps not “easy”) for the few people who have really great support networks and really amazing, understanding friends and families, but for most people it is relatively difficult.

In terms of the actual job itself … Once in a while I’ve had a really easy day in which I go to work, get my make-up done, shoot a simple gonzo scene with an easy set-up and I’m showered and on my way home in four hours. But most of the time it doesn’t work that way.

VB: What’s the biggest misconception you encounter about the job?

LL: I think there’s a big misconception that working in porn is somehow easier than doing other kinds of work. I think that there is a mythology that says that porn performers “just have sex” and that the sex we have at work is somehow the same as sex that anyone might have at home. First of all, porn sex is not the same as private sex. The biggest difference is that, at work, a performer’s personal pleasure is not of primary importance. Of course, the job is easier and the finished product is often sexier if the performers are enjoying themselves. But that enjoyment — when it happens — usually happens in spite of a lot of other concerns and pleasure obstacles.

VB: Like what?

LL: Early morning call times — how many people really feel sexy at 7:00 in the morning? I suppose there must be a few people, but they aren’t me. Tedious pre-scene preparation. Long 10-12 hour days. Scene partners who we may not get along with or be attracted to, or, who may be less hygienic than we’d like. Demanding, highly critical and/or unsympathetic directors (imagine being yelled at, criticized and/or ordered around by your boss while you are trying to act and feel sexy). Aerobic and highly performative sex in positions that may be uncomfortable and/or awkward and may far outlast one’s capability for arousal. “Cuts,” “holds,” camera angles and hot, glaring, unflattering lights. Tons and tons of just waiting around.

I imagine that being a porn performer is similar to being a kind of athlete. In that capacity, you have to perform on schedule and under demanding conditions. A big part of the job is being reliable regardless of if you have a headache or a pulled muscle or your period or you’re having a fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or you just don’t feel sexy.

VB: How does a performer distinguish between sex work and sex-not-for-work?

LL: I think every sex worker has a different idea about the answer to this question — people seem to have very individualized physical and emotional boundaries and processes of compartmentalization. Some people choose to only perform certain acts on camera, in order to save something for their personal lives or for their significant others. Some women I know who primarily date men decide to only have sex with women on camera. Some women I know who primarily date women, decide to only have sex with men on camera.

Personally, I don’t choose to draw that line in terms of physical acts, but rather, I have an emotional boundary between work sex and personal sex. That is, work sex, for me, is not an intimate experience. I don’t choose to become vulnerable or emotionally open while I’m having sex at work. I enjoy having sex at work, and I often have affectionate feelings for the people I work with — many of them are my good friends — but I don’t expect them to react to me in a vulnerable or emotionally intimate way and I don’t react to them in a vulnerable or emotionally intimate way.

I’m not sure that I have good advice about how to do this, because I do think that strategies for this are entirely individual, but I also think it comes back to the importance of remembering what you will and won’t get from a day at work. You will get a certain kind of attention for a limited amount of time and you are likely to get an intense physical experience. You are far less likely to get that attention for any extended period of time or to develop a romantic and/or emotionally intimate relationship with your co-workers. Even though you are having sex with some of the people you work with, you are still likely (perhaps advisedly, considering the prospects of your continued employment) to have a somewhat formal working relationship with them.

VB: What does a girl need to know if she wants to get into porn?

LL: First of all, it’s a good idea to have some idea of what you want to get out of your work in porn. Are you looking to make a specific amount of money? Have a certain kind of experience? Gain a certain kind of attention? Is this something you want to do for the short term or the long term (remembering, of course, that porn careers, like all athletic careers, become more difficult to maintain as you get older)? A good place to find more advice is AIM-med.org. They have great informational videos for new performers.

In general, the porn industry is not a good place to get famous. It is not even a good place to go if what you are looking for is a certain kind of attention. You will get positive sexual attention, praise, etc. (to a degree that can become overwhelming very quickly and can begin to seem false and/or one-dimensional), but you will also get negative feedback and negative attention.

Remember that you will be making images of your body public in a way that you have very little control over — as many flattering, glamorous images will be published as unflattering, badly lit, poorly angled, awkwardly positioned images.

Many people will think you are a beautiful, sexy goddess and they will write this on the Internet, they will send you MySpace marriage proposals and every other kind of proposition. Just as many people will look at you as an unfeeling, degraded, lesser person because you’ve chosen to do this work; they will say every mean thing that you can think of. People who you have never met will make their opinions about you publicly known on Internet forums and they will send you crude and occasionally explicitly cruel MySpace messages. It’s important to have a plan for dealing with all of this attention, both positive and negative. Having a solid support system of friends who are both in the industry and outside of the industry is crucial.

Think about your limits before you start — what do you want and not want to do on camera? Remember that if you say you will perform a certain act, you will be expected to perform that act. Don’t say you can or will do something if you are not sure whether you can or want to do it. It’s no fun for anyone if someone on set seems to be uncomfortable or in physical pain, or seems to be pushing themselves to do something they’d rather not.

In general, no one (directors, other performers, porn viewers) wants you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable — it doesn’t make for good movies, for one thing. If you decide, for example, that you want to perform in an anal sex scene, it’s a good idea to make sure you are practiced and comfortable with having anal sex — remembering that you are likely to be working with men who are inordinately well-endowed.

If you think no one will find out about your job, you’re wrong. Your friends will find out. Your significant other will find out. Your family will find out. I promise you. Have a plan for how you want to deal with this. (Would you rather tell them first? Would you rather wait and deal with it when it happens? What/how will you tell them?)

I think that the happiest performers have other things going on in their lives that have nothing to do with porn. If you are comfortable with your body and comfortable with having public sex, the porn industry is a good place to make a lot of money very quickly. Particularly if you aren’t used to making money this way, it’s really important to have some kind of financial plan, remembering that as an independent contractor, your next paycheck is never guaranteed.

It’s good to be prepared for slow periods and periods when you might need to take breaks. Burnout happens to everyone. You will also need to be prepared to pay your taxes — keep detailed records of all of your work expenses. For the first time in your life you will get to write off both lipstick and enema bottles.