Bisexual Britni writes: Why is cheating so widely accepted as a typical, even admired, human behavior, while polyamory is saddled firmly with the “sick and twisted” stigma? I have noticed that if you’re cheating, you’re patted on the back, but if you’re open with your partner, even participatory with your partner in your extracurricular gallivanting, you’re perverse, fucked up, or just plain demented.
The other day I was talking to someone online, as I was interested in hooking up with them. They were cute, funny, interesting… and I thought they had a few brain cells to knock around. I was greatly misinformed on the latter.I’m asking him when and where he wants to meet, and he says, “Well, can you get out of the house without yourhusband knowing?” This took me a moment, because all of my polyamorous information is clearly stated rightin my profile. Apparently he hadn’t understood it.
“When I said I was looking for someone to fuck, and that I was married, I didn’t mean that he didn’t know about it.” I said gently, hoping for a cooperative attitude in return. He replied, “Well, I just don’t know about that. That sounds kind of weird. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with it. Sorry.”
“Yet you’d be perfectly comfortable fucking someone else’s wife behind his back??” I spat. He signed off without saying anything further.
My own ex-WIFE, Michelle, who cheated at least thirty times on Dennis and I while she was at RTD (a buscompany; she was a bus driver, and later a supervisor) would USE the fact that her husband was fucked up andtwisted because he had another girl in the house, in order to gain sympathy from her victims before she convinced them to participate in an affair with her.
(Of course, nevermind that she was the one who brought me into the house in the first place, and nevermindthat, when asked directly if I should leave, she says “no”.) So, the happy adulterous pair who think that Dennis and I are twisted for participating in a polyamorous lifestyle, bound off into the sunset to participate together in the most despicable betrayal of trust and love possible.
The message seems to be, harm the ones you supposedly “love” and you’re a great gal. But if you love,communicate and participate with the ones you love, and you’re “fucked up”. Even when Dennis tells peoplehe has two girls, people go, “Wow, cool man; just make sure they don’t find out about each other,” punctuatedwith the “atta-boy” punch in the arm.
“No,” Dennis says, “they live together with me. We’re all together.” A pause, their eyes widen and they backaway, stuttering… “Wow, man,” he says eventually, “that’s some fucked up shit right there.”
America’s theory on relationships is quite a backward sentiment to me. People all over still agree that”spreading love” is a desirable activity, yet spreading it is the last thing you want to be caught dead doing, lest you be judged with the hellfire and brimstone… and end up losing friends. This theory is that one is to go about their life, loving as FEW people as possible. Just one at a time, and preferably one all your life. Those who marry their first loveand never reach out to any others are admired; their situation is longed for by lovers of all ages. If only to have had just one and never again have any others forever… THIS is desirable?? But, yes, strangely it is, here in America. Our monogamy, sadly, is the cause of countless murders, betrayals, fights, job losses, political failings, child trauma, abuse… and the list goes on and on. If we were all of the mind that the lofty ideal is to have millions of lovers who havemillions of lovers, and all the world over, we all love one another, jealousy would be all but eliminated, and great peace would settle among spouses, families and friends.
It’s hard to picture, I know. For those of us (which would be most people reading this) who grew up in American society, where clothing is actually a moral issue, and fear of sexually transmitted disease coupled with the fear ofhaving children on top of simultaneous disdain for birth control is common and everyday, it’s difficult to pry ourselves out of the cement we were laid in, and move around freely within our minds to explore the new horizons. If only we could open our minds and let the light come through… the world would be a happier place with the absence of marital jealousy, and countless opportunities to touch people every day with your life and your heart and your love.
But, as you can see, we have a long way to go. Because, you know, it sounds kind of “weird” and I don’t know if I’d be “comfortable” with it. Now you wanna go fuck behind your husband’s back??
Fuckin A.