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Carey on Colmes

Wide World of Mary Carey- The only good thing I can say about sitting through an hour-long interview with porn star Mary Carey is that at least she’s not Ann Coulter. On the other hand, it’s hard to know for certain. They’re both blondes, they both have husky voices, they both laugh flirtatiously non-stop and, now that Carey has suddenly decided to become a Republican, they have the same political views. I have a feeling each is as genuine as the other’s.

This is the third time (not counting one repeat) I have had the “opportunity” to hear Carey on Alan Colmes’ radio show. Lucky me. Last night, she appeared with Mark Kulkis, president and CEO of Kick Ass Pictures, which produces the movies she stars in. The two were on the show to talk about their attendance at a GOP fundraiser dinner with President Bush the night before.

The way Kulkis explained it, he somehow got on a Republican mailing list. He donated “a couple hundred bucks” in order to be an Honorary Chariman of the Business Advisory Council and got his name in a Wall Street Journal ad as a result. From there, he was invited to the president’s dinner. Kulkis never answered directly whether or not he’s a Republican. Instead, he told us he’s fiscally conservative but socially liberal. He said he did not vote for Bush.

Mary Carey, who was a Kerry supporter the last time she visited Alan in the studio, cooed that she thinks Bush is hot and she’s converted to being a Republican.

“For how long?” Colmes asked.

“I don’t know yet.”

Getting back to the dinner with the president, Kulkis explained that he RSVP’d, the invitation, sent a press release saying he was bringing Carey to the dinner, and confirmed the reservation quickly on his credit card so it was a done deal.

Colmes brought up the fact that during the campaign, people were barred from Bush events for wearing the wrong t-shirt, having the wrong bumper sticker, etc. “But if you have money, that’s different, you can get in without any problem.”

Kulkis said that’s the heartening part, because it shows the Bush Administration has “its priorities straight… Business matters much more to ’em than evangelicals.”

Carey added, “They can party, too.” She said she went to the dinner because she wants to learn about politics. She’s running for Lieutenant Governor in California. She hoped to meet Karl Rove or President Bush but instead she met Ed, a Republican handler who was there, she said, to prevent her from flashing. But, she assured the audience, she would never flash Bush. “Maybe in private (tee hee).”

As it happened, Ed was just another in a long line of men Carey “really wanted” to have sex with. Other men on the list are Hannity, Colmes, O’Reilly, and Karl Rove. Schwarzenegger is pretty hot, too. “I’m a horny girl,” she said, giggling.”

Kulkis said that several right wing organizations, such as American Family Association and World Net Daily were actively trying to get him and Carey disinvited. (Comment: For once I can understand their mindset!)

Carey said her feelings were hurt. Not too badly, though, because it wasn’t long before she announced again that she was “getting a little horny… I love you, Alan.” When he reminded her that he’s a married man, she didn’t try to talk him into a threesome with his wife, as she did during an earlier visit, however.

Kulkis said his original plan was a business move, not to show the GOP as hypocrites. He said he plans to continue “doing stuff for the Republicans” because he now realizes that these events are great networking opportunities. (Comment: What kind of networking does a pornographer do at a GOP fundraiser? I’d love to know.)

Carey, who hadn’t giggled for at least 90 seconds, interrupted to say she had been propositioned and offered money by big Republican donors (no legislators) for sex. She took pains to tell us that a woman at the bar wanted to lick her (Alan interrupted). (Tee hee, which sounded more like haw haw) She turned them down.

It turns out Mary Carey is “very picky.” She likes famous people and NBA players. “It’s not like I’m open to the commoners.” Maybe she’ll stick with the GOP after all.

Colmes said he read she wanted to have sex with one member of every NBA team. She said, “I’m doing pretty good with that, hahaha.”

Later in the show, Alan gave her a teddy bear as a birthday present. She screamed, “Oh my God, it makes me horny… It’s my Ed (the name of her RNC handler).” Moments later, she re-named it Alan Joel (after Colmes and his producer).

“You are so cute,” Carey breathed to Colmes after a somewhat heated exchange with a caller.

When another caller indicated interest, she promised to send him a free picture and almost started panting. She forgot to ask whether or not he was either famous or an NBA player. Maybe Colmes has caller i.d.

“Calm down,” Colmes told her.

But it wasn’t long before she got back to flirting with him. “To be honest with you, if I had you, I would forget about all of them… I love Alan Colmes.”

We did get a glimpse of her political thinking. She said she voted for Kerry because “Carey for Kerry” sounded good. “Bill Clinton was the coolest president. We’ll never get better than him. I mean, he had oral sex in the oval office. That’s really hot.”

I’d call that proof she’s not Coulter.

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