Oh yes, they call him the streak- Fastest thing on two feet- He’s just as proud as he can be -Of his anatomy-He’s gonna give us a peek- Oh yes, they call him the streak- He likes to show off his physique- If there’s an audience to be found- He’ll be streakin’ around Invitin’ public critique… The Streak by Ray Stevens
Porn Valley- This past Saturday KSEX, www.ksexradio.com, porn jock Chris Evans streaked his way to Porn Olympics glory. The rest of the week, Evans serves as a model to men who’d aspire to be graduates of Leykis 101- Tom Leykis being a radio personality who advocates the type of manly insouciance Evans exemplifies. Because, when it comes to getting tail, Evans, with almost a country boy charm, knows how to push the right buttons. Consequently, Evans tells me he can’t remember a time when he wasn’t getting ass. The training perhaps springs back to some Malibu nudie hot tub parties organized by his dad.
“I was very privileged at a young age to be exposed to naked girl hot tub parties by my dad who’s an avid swinger during the Seventies,” explains Chris. “So growing up in Malibu, watching him in a hot tub – every once in awhile he’d be like, yeah, Chris, bring out some more fuckin’ be-ah! That was my job- bringing beer to the naked girls in the hot tub.
“And he did have some photo shoots and videos goin’ on out there,” Evans continues. “There were days where I wasn’t allowed to go out to the barn because they were shooting some stuff there. Unbeknownst to me, my nanny was also missing on that day. I came to find out that my nanny also doubled as a porn star in the barn.” Chris explains that his father was a writer in Hollywood. “I think he had some connections with people in Hollywood and had a beach house in Malibu. You know how that goes. People were, like, let’s shoot a movie out there.”
Chris hadn’t even hit his teens yet when his eye beheld the glory that most guys four times that age don’t even witness. I asked him if he ever wound up getting some crumbs from the Malibu party table.
“One time Miss Penthouse Australia was at my dad’s house and he arranged for her to try to have sex with me,” he states. “I had just turned 14. Tell you the truth, she took her fuckin’ clothes off and I was just too scared. She was like 26. She was a little too much woman for me. I ran away but came back with a vengeance after that.”
Discounting the one time when he high tailed it off into the woods, Evans started getting sexually active in the fifth grade. His first conquest was an overweight black girl named Tammy Hayes. “It was in an alley behind my elementary school right after school ended,” he remembers. “After school she had this idea about going into a garage and finding a place. Dude, we had sex right there standing up. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t have public hair and I don’t even think I busted a nut. But I went home scared thinking my mom was going to know I had sex somehow. It was weird. But it was cool. I think I’ve had a thing for black girls all my life, now. Based on Tammy Hayes. I don’t know where she is.”
In moments of recklessness, Chris will embrace chubby chasing. “I have a thing for big girls- Alana will tell you,” he says. “I like to get a girl with a little meat on her bones sometimes.” When we started hammering on distinctions between thick and big, Chris cut instantly to the chase. “I do like some fat girls, dude. Don’t get me wrong.” Shocked, I told Chris I never pictured him to have a thing for cottage cheese.
“Look, I’ll fuck just about any chick, man. I can find a reason to fuck any chick.” I tell Chris get to my age and that lack of impartiality narrows considerably. “I’m sure,” he laughs. “But they have new enhancement-things for that! New products I can use to enhance my abilities.” Figuring that the intervening years will produce medical marvels, Chris can already picture applying an erection from a bottle.
After the Tammy Hayes episode, Evans says he ran the full gamut of girls in school and summer camps. But, lest he forget, Evans claims that he also ate out his baby sitter when he was 6 years old. “She made me eat it,” he grins. “I think that’s what really started my whole sexual thing. I had no idea what the hell what was going on. She said sit down in the corner and take your clothes off. She sat in the other corner and she started rolling this tennis ball between her legs. Each time we had to get a little closer. It was fuckin’ weird, man. I finally ended up eating her pussy and I just had no idea.” I was curious how old the girl was. “She would have been a teenager- she was babysitting me,” Chris replies. “Isn’t that perverted? Can we even talk about that?”
Painting a canvass of a Rembrandt who was getting laid at every twist of the palette, Evans tells me that sex came fast and frequently with few rest stops. “I can’t even remember not getting laid,” he tells me. “Usually I always had a girlfriend and I was cheating on the side, too. That’s when I was trying to have normal-style relationships. You have a girlfriend. You’re happy with her for a few months. You’re banging her ass then you might get tired of her. You want to break up with her but you can’t so you start cheating on the side. You cheat until it starts falling apart. I would say at the most, time without a girlfriend- once. Six months I went without a girlfriend.” Which is to say he wasn’t going without sex during that interim.
“I cannot remember not getting laid,” he says confidently. “I’ve never had a problem getting laid. I’ve been very lucky like that- again, I have very low standards!” Evans has got to laugh at his own joke mid-sentence. Alana Evans, hearing that, voices protest. “I have to have a good piece at home,” states Chris. “But I’ll fuck just about anything that moves for fun.”
We get to the part in the story where he meets Alana, and Chris feel compelled to fast forward through the story of how he got “this chick” pregnant. “We have a kid. We get married, I get divorced,” he says. “I’m fucking 29 trying to go through divorce trying to find a way of making a living. I’m living out of my mom’s garage.” Evans started e-mailing adult companies. “I always was fascinated with the adult business anyway and always wanted to be a part of it but never made that happen.”
Evans was looking for computer work and Anabolic got back to him. They asked him to send a picture which he did. “They said we don’t know about the computer stuff but why don’t you come in and let us meet you.” Evans did and they suggested he come to a shoot. “They were looking for a house to shoot a movie at, and I called my dad, hey, I need to make some child support. Can I shoot some movies at your house? He said cool and they came out to shoot a movie. The day they were there I was managing the location. Then Alana came on set. I watched her do a five-on-one gangbang.
“Afterwards she asked me if I wanted to have dinner. I said sure,” he grins. “I had no idea. I was not trying to get involved with a porn girl per se because I figured they’d be crazy.” But Evans, instead, was intrigued by “a crazy hot chick who could do this shit with all these guys and handle it. When she asked me to go out I had no choice but to say yes. We went out. It was weird. First we were holding hands then we were fucking on the beach. We’ve been together every day since. That was my main line into the business. All of a sudden I’m dating a girl and she was only in about a year at that point. And she was coming up.”
Evans said he didn’t necessarily start working in the business right away.
“I was just doing the lazy boyfriend-thing, fucking living off of porn chick-money” he relates. “I was buying new sneakers all the time.” Then about six, seven months into the relationship, Evans said he started to realize the fact that he was having sex with Alana every day all time and she was doing porn meant that he was taking all the same risks like everyone else. “I figured, fuck it, I may as well get paid too and I gave it a shot to see if I could do it too.” Evans saw that breaking into the business was a tough thing. “I first I wasn’t really working with her because I only wanted to work with other chicks. The idea of banging my girlfriend in front of a bunch of people was really scary. I was relying on that new girl-thing to help me.” At first he liked the prospects of floating casually in suitcase pimp style, but Evans said he finally came to realize that porn would give him free time and the money and allow him to do other things, too. “Like bang chicks,” he adds.
Chris attributes his and Alana’s KSEX gig to the fact that Wankus is a cool guy. “He had Alana as his co-ho for awhile and I was just hanging out all the time. I think he saw our interaction together. I guess people think we’re pretty hilarious or something and he was, like, we’ll give you a show and see what happens.” Chris said he and Alana have always approached their KSEX show with a degree of nonchalance and relaxation. “As long as we show up and have a guest- that’s, like, our plan. We never think about what we’re going to do. We just go in there and have fun with it. KSEX is the most regular thing we’ve done in the business as far as having to be in a certain place at a certain time every week gets a little difficult.”
I was curious to have Evans’ views on anal. “Man, I love having fucking anal sex with chicks, man,” he replies with obvious gusto. “I have yet to do double-anal. I’m a little scared but I have done double vag.” I ask Chris if there’s any homo fears that abound. “You don’t really think about that,” he says. You think more about the fact that there’s a chick’s asshole or vagina wrapped around it. Anal sex with a chick, fine, whatever. I’ll do it. But the more the chick’s get nasty, the more nasty shit they do, the more I like it.”
The first time Evans had anal sex, technically, is when he tried to stick his dick in his high school girlfriend. “She got the helmet in there and cried. That never happened again. Then, when I met Alana, she was the first chick, man, I swear. Two weeks into our relationship I was banging her and I guess she had done an anal scene that day. She just pulled on my cock and sat right on it and started fucking me with her ass.” Asked if good anal might have some bearing on their relationship, Evans says, “The fact that my girl’s a slut and very easy -yes- that makes me very happy. I’ve got nothing to complain about.”
To stick your dick in a chick’s ass is one thing, says Evans. “But to have a chick that will really let you fuck her ass-like really fuck it- that’s an amazing thing,” he says. “I never knew it existed really until I experienced it and got further into the business.”
I asked Evans what the whole streaking-thing was about. “The girls made me do it,” he laughs. “They were standing around and figured it would be funny if a guy streaked. Three girls were looking at me- Michelle Lay , Alana and Brittney Skye might have been in on that. They were like, do it! Do it! If I figure I might get laid, or if chicks think it’s cool, I’ll do it. I don’t care.”
With all his sexual escapades, I was curious what might have been the craziest place Evans has had sex. “Public places,” he muses. “While I’m driving. And then we did a gangbang in a tire store. That was pretty cool- a bunch of tires and rims everywhere and Gauge and Sienna.”
Privately, his choice of an “insane moment” was when he and Alana were coming down off a two-day rave at a beach. “We hiked into this mountain and found a cave. There was a little cave-in-the-wall in the mountain,” he recollects. “And out of it you could see the whole ocean. We were fully coming down off drugs and started having full-on sex in there.” Evans said two whales then came by, spouting- very symbolic if you think about it..
“We’re, like, this is the most amazing thing ever.”