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Conversations with Nasty Jack-update

I received a call from Nasty Jack who tells me I completely overlooked his days with Dick Clark Productions then, once that door was open, expounded with more resume that included several colorful Rolex stories. That’s when I had to hang up. But you can contact Jack at 818-718-0209, ext. 511.

Porn Valley- Things change. Things remain the same. What dya expect? It’s porn. So I’m having a conversation with Nasty Jack Wednesday morning and we’re talking about things that have happened in the business since an Amateur series bearing his name first surfaced. Must have been like 16 years ago, Jack thinks. And there was probably at least 100 volumes that came out, each with maybe 5 scenes.

It was a very well established series until someone decided to pull the plug. One of the reasons at the time is that Nasty Jack, who had been very active in the adult cable market as well, moved on to other pastures and bigger budget shoots.

Still and all, the series was so word-of-mouth popular with a cult following, even now, that Jack’s resurrecting the name- this time attached to a new gonzo line.

The “things remain the same” part in this whole equation comes with the fact that Charlie Lynch, who used to design the Nasty Jack boxcovers over at Cinderella when Jack was VP there, is again doing them. This time for WPE, World Planet Entertainment. Lynch is a pretty fucking clever graphics guy in his own right, Jack’s saying, noting the out-there shit Lynch will pull to attract a customer’s attention. Jack’s showing me a boxcover featuring fat broads. I think the line’s called Fat Fukerz, and there’s some indelicate remarks flying off the boxcover. But it’s fucking funny stuff. So I’m looking at the cover of Ass-Jacked, the kick off title of the new Nasty Jack gonzo line. I politely point out that Missy Monroe’s name is spelled Misty.

“That’s my Charlie,” Jack laughs. When he gets going, Nasty Jack can be the funniest 57 year old guy in the room. Which is kind of odd because I often tell Jack he also holds the record for the most death threats received in the adult business. You don’t think a funny guy would get verbal guns waived in his face but ask a psycho pimp-husband of a porn chick about it, sometime. I used to get faxes of the faxes Jack would get from some of those cretins, and Jack would always shrug it off with a one-liner to fit the occasion.

That’s probably because Nasty Jack also went to school to study stand-up comedy. So funny generally tends to roll off his glib tongue. But if you ask him what happened and why he wound up in porn, he’ll tell you he basically chickened out on the idea of becoming a professional comic.

Don’t know why because I’ve seen Jack practically lay the late Anthony Spinelli in the aisles. Spinelli, who was a great audience anyway, needed a gurney and an oxygen mask the night of one of Cinderella’s Christmas parties. And last Friday night at David Sturman’s house, Sturman is shaking his head in similar fashion, in near apoplexy, roaring his ass off.

“I love this guy!” Sturman’s saying. “Jack, you’re killing me.”

And Jack keeps coming at Sturman with one funny story after another. Sturman’s beginning to sound like Christopher Walken in True Romance in the scene with Dennis Hopper- a scene that ends grim after five of the most brilliant minutes ever conceived on celluloid.

“I love this guy,” Sturman keeps repeating. I take Jack aside and ask him why he ain’t that fucking funny when we’re having dinner. Seems like he needs a crowd. So now, Jack gets to play to a house again as his line launches this week. He explains why he left the Amateur series behind.

“There was bigger bucks in the cable market for productions like County Line,” states Nasty Jack, who also created big-budget series for Kascha such as Hawaii Vice; and then for Wendy Whoppers and later “Buffy” in the days when Kristi Myst was a contract girl for Cinderella.

“Now gonzo’s obviously king and the cable satellite market is down,” Nasty Jack observes. “We did a test market of the Nasty Jack in a gangbang series and that’s doing well, so we’re going to do a Nasty Jack out of World Planet- we’ll do one a week. And I look forward to talking to my old friends again.

“I remember when we came up with the Nasty Jack hook, we were creating a mythical character like Ed Powers,” Jack recalls. “That was the whole thing with Nasty Jack. We created this guy and Charlie Lynch, who’s actually doing the boxes again, always did strange, poetic little funny things on the back of the box which made the packaging a little more fun. We didn’t take ourselves too seriously about it. It was good, adult product and fun packaging. And it made it easier to sell.”

Asked where he would acquire the amateur scenes, Nasty Jack pulls another name out of the porn hat- Rex Cabo.

“I don’t know if you remember Rex,” says Jack. Everyone remembers Rex. His dick blew up at one time, and he ended life in a swan dive off the top of a building.

“He recently tried to fly,” is the way Jack puts it. “I knew Rex before that, and Rex had a knack for talking girls into doing porn. I forgot the gal’s name but he was going through a drive-thru, a Jack In the Box, to get a burger. He talked the girl who was serving him to come to his house that night to shoot an amateur scene. She was in one of the original Nasty Jack’s. He had that ability. He was my pimp, my boy and he also worked for Mark over at Leisuretime as well. But I had him and this other guy, Greg, a black guy- he was a guy, too, who found the newbies.

“Also too on the back of the box, it said if you want to submit scenes yourself, you can. And people did. Some of it was pretty decent. At the time, the more amateurish, the more it added to the lines. Now, of course, amateur stuff looks very professional. The kids may be nobodies but the footage is tight and well-shot. Back then, the cameras were on the floor and they’re shooting the scene. It was a hoot. But it sold well and for many years. I think I found some mail order companies a couple of years ago that still had some of the older volumes. But I assume most of the old footage is in the archives at Cinderella at this point.”

When the idea of resurrecting the amateur line seemed more than viable, Nasty Jack took into account the fact that, at his age, hanging out at a bus stop was less appealing.

“I find that hanging out recruiting at high schools is an issue,” he laughs. “Who’s the old Jewish guy with the hairy legs? It’s not a good thing.” Jack makes a crack about doing time in Attica for carnal knowledge of a 17 year-old.

“You go down quick,” he muses. “Within 20 minutes they’re handcuffing you and taking you away in a squad car.

“But gonzo is the name of the game,” he goes on to say. “I remember when gonzo first started. We were doing the bigger budget stuff and Marc Franks from Planet Group was the first one to say, go west, young man. Marc was doing well with it and he did tell me, but we were still making money with Playboy, Comcast- in the old days Exxxtasy, Erotica, The Adult Channel- this was all before it became New Frontier Media. Cable was a big market. We’d use three cameras and spend a fortune- helicopters- and how many of us jack off to a helicopter? God knows I do. Nobody likes to whack off to a chopper more than me.”

From the years it had been circulating out there, Nasty Jack had become a branded name.

“Apparently some of the fans are still out there,” Nasty Jack chuckles. “Especially the ones who haven’t been put into retirement homes.”

And Nasty Jack remembers a time being at a trade show when porn’s number one fan in those days, Bill Caits, a New York real estate attorney, approached him.

“Bill was the first one who came up and said can you autograph this?” Nasty Jack recalls. “I’m thinking get the fuck out of here. Because Ron Jeremy does it. But I’m not a performer. Then another guy came up. Then another guy came up. I went oh my God. They’re asking for my autograph. I had my 15 minutes of fame. But I never got a free lunch out of it as Ron Jeremy could negotiate one.

“And there were actually some stores who wanted me to sign at the time, and I went to Canada and did some stuff. A couple of girls would come with me – I’d sign and people would ask, where do you find the girls? How do you do this? What kind of cameras do you use? Regular folks would want to know how it was all done- what do you pay people? My wife and I would like to do it. You would just answer the questions.”

Humorously, it was at the same trade show that Nasty Jack had a run in with RayVeNess’s former husband which resulted in a death threat.

“I was signing for the Nasty Jack-thing,” he says. “And if I remember, I borrowed her Sharpie. Apparently he wanted to beat me up over the Sharpie because I took their Sharpie. He wanted to kill me. It’s true.”

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