Porn Valley- In a manse formerly occupied by the Olsen Twins, Tyler Durden, as nonchalant as a man can be who’s looked into hundreds of assholes, was scheduled to take the first step for porno mankind. Cytherea was going to get it in the rectum on Wednesday afternoon.

It’s about 3:50 when the tip of Durden’s cock starts playing peek-a-boo with Cy’s virgin poopie place. The waiting is over. About half an hour later, with Angela Stone as astonished as you can possibly get, Cy also squirts for the first time in an anal scene. It was just minutes earlier when Stone, part of this maniacal threeway, was complimenting Cytherea who’s never done anal before.

“You gape very nicely,” Stone tells her. Even so, Cytherea has yet to take the bulk of Durden’s cock to shitsville, however. In a corner of a cozy room that looks like some spot where John Quincy Adams might have curled up to stroke his balls, Tyler’s now got Cytherea on her knees and Cytherea is quaking. Like a worm on a griddle, Cytherea’s body spasms in this St. Vitus Dance of pleasure as the cock goes in her ass. Cytherea grips Durden’s right leg for dear life.

“Yes, yes, right there! right there!” Cytherea yells out. Finding his zone, Durden hits stride. Then he positions Cytherea for a pile driver. But it’s when Cytherea- rolled up in an ass-ball, her sexy legs and feet bracing Durden’s tanned shoulders that the scene is fully realized. It’s one of those holy shit, I-didn’t-expect-this-kind-of-scenario scenarios. .

“I’m gonna cum, oh my God!” Cytherea screams. Cytherea’s blasting liquid all over the place. She’s watered Tucci’s flowers.

“Holy shit, baby,” goes Stone, no stranger to the squirt but not necessarily under these conditions. And I’ve seen Angela park one across a room and hit a passerby on a bicycle. Maybe that’s an exaggeration. On a good day, Cytherea and Stone together could probably flood New Orleans.

“And Cy isn’t half the woman Flower Tucci is?” Brian, aka Plus One, aka Cytherea’s man, is saying, his arms folded, Indian chief-style, across his chest. Brian’s not really expecting an answer to this question.

Cy arrived earlier on a cold, gray November morning. It’s raining and the fireplaces are crackling. Warmth is hard to come by in a two-story, Valley mini-mansion that features a swing set in the backyard. Brian is envisioning the Olsen Twins having used the swing set but no one is offering to sniff the seats. Brian’s looking at one of the fireplaces and wonders if you could fit one of the Olsens in there. Angela Stone seems to have developed this comedy routine featuring herself, the Olsens and a strap-on. Stone offers a sample from it.

“She’s a sick, twisted, bitch,” Brian murmurs approvingly.

Cytherea’s hair is tucked under a cowboy hat, and she’s very nervous. She’s telling this to Holly Wellin who’s got a scene scheduled with a male performer named Jerry. No last name. Just Jerry. Not to be confused with the Deli. Wellin hasn’t had cock in five says and is anxious to get going.

Wellin’s a very nice woman except, with her British accent, you can’t understand a word she’s saying. Brian asks her if she’s got a boyfriend. Wellin says no. I ask what about her and Brian Surewood. Wellin says they weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend but that she had been fucking Surewood, and he was the first guy to make her squirt. Wellin seems downright enthralled in the relaying of this anecdote. Wellin’s first scene on camera was a d.p. and she had never done anal prior to that.

The deal Wednesday afternoon is that you don’t eat in front of Cytherea. Brian’s going to take her for a pig out after the scene, but you don’t talk food right now. Prior to Cytherea shooting her scene with Durden and Stone, there are numerous progress reports regarding the succession of butt plugs warming up Cytherea’s ass. There’s also an occasional, Brian, Cytherea needs to talk to you- right NOW!.

Brian’s telling me a story about the time Cytherea was shooting for Patrick Collins. Collins was trying to talk Cytherea into doing her first anal for him, and Collins was offering her a $1,000. Brian, who was not at the Str 8 Up Studios as all of this is going on, gets wind of the situation. He can’t get anyone on their cellphones so he flies to the studio and makes an intervention. Brian asks Cytherea, what are you- crazy?

“You could be doing this for your own company,” he tells her.

Cytherea looks, innocently, at Brian and tells him, “I don’t want to pay my day rate.”

“Outstanding, Cy,” says Brian who’s laughing his ass off.

I’m hearing another time how Cytherea was negotiating a contract with one of the big name adult companies. Except they’d wind up owning her name. Fuck that, Cytherea said and walked out of the deal

The first day of the two-day shoot starts off when Haley Scott flakes. So does The Dark Room when Brian’s partner, Gary, makes a call to see if their rolls of Fuji Film are ready. The order was placed and confirmed the night before. Except now, nobody knows nothing. The Dark Room’s telling Gary, we don’t have any processed film for you. Gary’s going it’s not processed film! You sold us 26 rolls of Fuji 200, 36 exposures. The Dark Room’s going, oh, we did? Gary’s going what the fuh?

“Fuckin’ morons,” says Gary as he gets off the phone.

“Don’t most still photographers shoot digitals now?” Brian’s wondering. Except “Bob Goulet” [the name Bob Goulet gives me] who’s shooting stills and directing this movie, uses film. Later Gary has to make a run to Canoga and Lassen because “Bob Goulet” needed a videotape that was friendlier to his camera. Gary’s again going what the fuh.

I left the set for awhile to have lunch with Tricia Devereaux. When I get back, I notice that “Bob Goulet” has left for Camelot and there’s like six or seven civilians milling about the porn set. According to Brian, the present owner of the house was bringing his friends in for a look-see at a porno shoot.

“Personally I don’t give a shit, but performers freak at this shit,” said Brian who’s faced with telling the owner to get these people the hell out of there.

“Yeah, and there’s Philip Seymour Hoffman,” notes Brian, sarcastically, pointing to one of the guys who looks like, well, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Hoffman’s talking to some blond in a black dress, French twist and black pumps. There’s rumors going afoot that a swingers party is being planned for the weekend. There’s another guy hanging around who looks like Arlo Guthrie Jr.

Brian’s going who ARE these fucking people? Bob Goulet returns from Camelot. He seems a lot happier.

Earlier Tuesday morning, Veronica Jett was called in to take Haley Scott’s place. Jett’s going to work with newcomer Derek Pierce, Lexi Tyler’s boyfriend. Pierce, who’s with L.A. Direct, just started doing scenes about six weeks ago. And Brian, immediately asks Jett what she won’t do.

“Don’t spit in my eye,” says Jett. “And don’t put any fingers in my butt or I’ll kick you in the nuts.”