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Henri Pachard Back in Action

Porn Valley- Rob Spallone bolts out of his seat like Jesus H. Christ somethin’ big just happened. It did. And it’s not the word going around the industry that the FBI intends to visit at least 40 video companies a year under this whole 2257-thing.

“A plane crashed into a building in New York?!” Spallone’s yelling to someone who just called him. We’re in a deli having a sandwich, and Spallone runs to the nearby TV set flicking channels. One month after the observance of 9/11 and so far no channel’s covering this event. Except for a Mexican telemundo station. It’s broadcasting something live from New York where, apparently, a small plane crashed into a building. Somebody in the deli quips that it must have been a Yankee fan. Close but no baseball. It was Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle’s plane that went into the building with Lidle in it.

Meanwhile, back at Patti Rhodes’ house, under less dramatic circumstances, Henri Pachard is making his return behind the camera after about seven months in convalescence.

“Fuck cancer,” Pachard keeps repeating, having gone through chemo, recuperation and meticulously dispensing his energy as a result.

“I’m back!” Pachard yells out after wrapping up the first scene of the day which is between Silvio and Mia Knight. You got to hand it to Pachard. Other guys in his shoes would be content sitting in the back yard reading James Patterson thrillers. But Pachard, after a bout of mouth cancer, is digging in there telling this girl Nicole how he wants her scene to play out in Rhodes’ kitchen with the ample bosomed Wanda Lust. Besides anecdotes about Julian St. Jox and dildos, Pachard’s also lending personal detail about how the medics transplanted a patch of his leg to his face.

“They literally stuck his foot in his mouth,” yells out photographer Bill Diehl. Earlier Pachard is reaching into one of his shirt pockets. Rob Spallone’s ears are alert to a crackling sound similar to cellophane on a pack of cigarettes.

“What are you doing? What are you doing?!” Spallone yells at Pachard. Spallone tells Pachard that if he wants, he’ll have this new tattoo artist do a “fuck cancer” thing on Pachard’s forehead. Spallone’s old tattoo artist apparently just got sentenced to 40 years for drugs.

Patti Rhodes asks Pachard how many times he’s been married. Six, says Pachard and he’s loved them all. Pachard thinks he’s one up on Fred Lincoln, of the belief that Lincoln’s had five trips down the altar. But Rhodes tells him otherwise that it’s seven and she should know because she was the seventh. Pachard was just saying how Alana Evans has always been one of his favorite performers, and Rhodes is talking about how Extreme Associates makes Friday beer day over at its offices when Spallone walks in.

“Let me read somethin’ for ya!” Spallone yells out, grabbing a packet of Sweet & Lo with its fine print. Spallone, who’s got this theory that smoking will fuck up your eyesight, got Lasik surgery last week.

“I got the left eye done for closeness and the right eye for distance,” Spallone is saying. “Five hours later I could read- my cell phone has a clock. I didn’t know that!” Spallone shelled out $2900 for the whole procedure and is about ready to buy a race horse. Spallone wants to name the horse, Nice Ass, but doesn’t know if he can get away with that seeing as how this horse already has another name. Being that this is an interracial movie, Spallone’s having a conversation with Silvio that strikes a strange thing for Spallone to say.

“You’re dark,” he tells Silvio who thinks Byron Long may be darker. Spallone also likes the fact that Mia Knight, from World Modeling, is very white. He likes the contrast that their skin tones will offer. Knight, who’s been in the business about a year, puts a lot of wrist action and English into her blowjobs.

“She’s really white- this will be a real black & white scene,” observes Spallone perhaps overstating the obvious. Dee Wise was supposed to have worked with Knight but arrives late. Nicole rats him out saying he stopped at a Burger King.

“You shiny head motherfucker, you look good,” Spallone tells Wise. Spallone says there’s something different about Wise but can’t put his finger on it.

“You always have little white girls running around- two or three of ’em,” says Spallone after a moment’s thought.

“Don’t blow me out like that,” Wise tells him. Asked what he’s been up to, Wise says working on his series, Chasing White Booty.

Pachard coughs.

“You want me to call the coroner?” Spallone asks him.

I just finished an interview with Knight when Spallone begins directing questions at her in rapid fire succession.

“If you had a daughter, would you let her do this?” he asks Knight who says, yeah, she’d have no problem with that. When he finds out Knight has a sister he asks about the sister. Knight tells him her sister is a psychotic schizo, hasn’t seen her in a year and her mother in three years.

“Ever been a hooker?” Spallone also asks her. Knight says it’s not for her, that she’s too much of a cry baby to be a hooker.

“I’m pretty good at this aren’t I?” Spallone asks no one in particular. “I should be an interviewer.” Knight says her mother, who she’s distanced from, would probably love to be interviewed.

“She’s crazy,” says Knight.

In that case Spallone thinks he should send Knight’s mother and sister a box of movies featuring black cocks. Knight then explains how her mother is a teacher’s aide to autistic children and plays cruel tricks on them by stepping on their shoe laces so they’ll trip and fall down. Even Spallone’s blown away by this information.

“I’d like to do a bukkake with your mother,” Spallone tells her.


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