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Jerry Butler: I Wish I Never Wrote the Book

New York- The day before Christmas, Jerry Butler, the author of Raw Talent and, maybe, the best performer ever in the adult business, leaves a rendition of Blue Christmas on my answering machine.

Actually, it’s a pretty good Elvis impersonation. Next time I talk to Butler I let him know how good it was. Butler shares with me the fact that when I interviewed him a couple of weeks ago, he talked with his left hand on his balls and not his right hand. “It was something different.” I said to Butler that must also explain some of the notes he hit during his Blue Christmas solo.

“You are like Barbara Eden in drag,” he notes. “How did you know?” I told Butler it was the clarity of certain notes that told me his finger nails must have been making contact with his scrotum. “You remember those sounds from way back,” Butler laughs. “You heard them so many times in the Eighties that it’s very tough to get out of your brain.” As I was talking to him, Butler explained that he was at the moment driving through Bedford-Stuyvesant. “You pray for the bullet to hit your asshole so it doesn’t make a new one. I love you,” Butler added, “You know why? Because we go everywhere without going anywhere. It’s like flying a kite in a room with the windows open. It doesn’t go anywhere but it’s sure windy.”

So here’s the go-everywhere-but-nowhere chat I had with Butler from a few weeks ago. The first question I asked him is what was the whole WWE bit he was doing as he was hosting Sexy Sluts. [Butler’s nominated for Best non-sex performance but not so much for wiggling his pectorals and flexing his muscles on camera.]

Butler: You know what happened? This guy Ron got a hold of me through the grapevine. He called me up and said, listen, I’m getting into the business. I remember who you were. He said would you want to help me out and do a little intro on it. I said I don’t care. He gave me a couple hundred dollars and took my dog out for the weekend. I figured it was a way of saying hello without having to say hello to the people from way back that I left behind. It was a goof thing. Over the years I had ideas about trying to wiggle my way back into the business a little bit. But the years went by. I got re-married. I got divorced. I raised my stepson who I adopted. I have a nice job. Everything’s nice and quiet. But, to be honest, my life sucks. Because I’m bored. The truth is I became a regular Joe, so I turned off to everything including the fly that lands on the TV when I’m watching a porno movie.

I’m not talent anymore as far as that world goes. Now everything’s real to me again. And I kept myself in shape over the years. I still look pretty good. Let me tell you, Gene. You’re the Vince McMahon of porn. People don’t realize how fuckin’ hot your body always was. You always were very modest about the way you look. But you had a better body than probably like 99% of the guys in the business. You were massive. You were like the Vince McMahon of wrestling. When the guy takes his shirt off he’s better looking than most of the other fucking guys competing. Me, I got into training. I keep myself in pretty buffed out looking shape. I got a few of your messages but it was a bad time in my world.

My heart really was in that world. I did love those people, but I wasn’t a happy person. The movies made me feel popular and important. And that’s what made me feel like somebody. I had good times with a lot of people, and the cocaine and the partying made us all feel like gypsies. We’d all get together at night and emotionalize. That was the greatest thing- with Billy Dee and Buck Adams and Amber Lynn. We’d fuck all afternoon and at night we’d do the coke and emotionally cry about parents and lack of love and all that crap. That was the best thing about it. That was our way of sitting down, spilling the beans and letting out our feelings. But I didn’t know how to channel it. I didn’t know how to focus it.

But the truth of the matter is I also didn’t like me as well. I said rotten things about who I was and what I was doing in my own abuse with the drugs. Truthfully about the book? I resent that I ever wrote it because I’m older and more mature. But it was my eulogy. I thought I was going to die in that world. I thought I was going to gets AIDs. I thought it was over. So I write this testimonial-thing. I wrote everything that I could possibly come up with. I wrote things about my own father. But it was true.

I wrote a book for people to feel something through the eyes of someone who was representing them. I didn’t want to bullshit. I didn’t want to glorify something that was so predominantly big. You don’t have to walk around and say how wonderful everything is. Like with Seka. Seka used to say I was the greatest fuck she ever had. I never fucked her! She was in Chicago doing a show and me and Ron Jeremy were working for Collectors Video. We were promoting the Hawaiian movie. Come the cameras and she goes here comes Jerry Butler my favorite fuck. He’s got a big cock. I go, what are you talking about? I don’t have big dick. And I never fucked you. I wouldn’t mind fucking you right now. She got so pissed at me. I did a talk show with her and caught her in a couple of lies. She walked off the fuckin’ set. So I would say my candidness got me in a lot of trouble.

I was going to go to the awards this year, but I adopted my son. I met him when he was about two months old when I married his mom about ’93, and he’s 11 now. It’s a great, responsible lifestyle. And I don’t see my ex-wife Lisa Loring. I don’t really know what happened to her. I heard she got married and that she’s on drugs, off rugs. I don’t even speak to her.

I drive handicapped kids for a living. I work with disabled children. I keep myself in good shape, but I miss the world I was in. I don’t miss the fact that I was reckless. Reb [Sawitz] was my daddy, my protector. We were young. We were invincible. We’d party and go to work on a movie the next day. It’s different now but I do miss what could have been but you don’t get that until you get older because wisdom becomes beauty. I had youth, I had ability, I had looks. But I didn’t have maturity. Now it all comes back but it’s a little different now. You don’t take a shit for a week! But it beats weaving baskets. It’s a quiet lifestyle but I do have this total burn, yearn inside to get back into the business.

Gene: Did you say you had burning urine?

Butler: Yes. But only since you called! But the greatest thing is, now I’m old enough to play my father.

Gene: You’d have a whole brand new career playing the dirty old man in teen movies.

Butler: I still got my hair. I retained a lot. It’s not like I let myself go. Some of the guys did like Joey Silvera. I can see some of the guys got older. Hershel Savage I got to give credit to. He got himself looking pretty good- like a ’57 Chevy that was renovated. The bumps and bruises are on the inside but don’t get too close to the chrome or it will collapse.

Like I said, I never, ever disliked anybody. I loved everybody. It’s always said we hurt the ones we love. There were things that I didn’t like and I was being honest. What I was about was repeating what we used to talk about in the room while a sex scene was going on and we were waiting for our scene. That was exactly what I was repeating. It was the shit that we said about everybody else and how fucked up this business was, how Tracey Adams couldn’t stand this business and hated it. She despised everybody. She just did it for the money. She was going to get out. I told her, bullshit. She would up staying in it 12, 13 years. It was a lot of bullshit. You were the journalist who covered the characters. My God how sensitive do people get when they’re getting fucked in the ass and there’s a fucking dick with doody on it.

Gene: But it doesn’t get much better than that. Was there any truth to the rumor that you were going to sign a contract with Vivid?

Butler: Absolutely. But it was the kid that kept me home. My boy is so important to me, I would never leave him. I don’t know about now, but when I lived in it everyone in that world, everyone was irresponsible- Amber Lynn, Ginger Lynn. We were all irresponsible people. We had all spurned somebody along the line when we didn’t show up for a set. Whatever it was. I couldn’t do that again. But Vivid two years ago wanted me to come out. They had a 3 picture thing. It was all ready to go and I sort of backed out of it.




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