Porn Valley- Proving that wonders will never cease, Kurt Lockwood was a guest on KSEX this week, albeit on the show hosted by Jack Lawrence, www.jacklawrencexxx.com and Gwen Diamond. Continually proving that they are KSEX’s find of the season, Lawrence and Diamond are paired brilliantly- Jack unintentionally dry and deadpan; Diamond a crackling firebrand with salty brio and obviously no capacity for subtlety.

Lockwood, who directed the movie The Real Boogie Nights, was on during the second half of the show for some guitar song-singing and mellow chat. Lawrence described Lockwood as one of the strongest performers in the business.

“Maybe we can conduct an interview while he’s up your ass,” Lawrence told Diamond.

Prior to Lockwood’s appearance Lawrence reported how he and Diamond were spatting like a mild couple. Diamond explained how Lawrence had been licking her asshole off air.

“His tongue seriously went an inch down my asshole,” Diamond laughed. “That’s a lot of tongue to be inside of a sphincter.”

The point of the story is that Wankus snuck a videocam shot of Lawrence and Diamond and aired it on his own show.

Diamond said what made her mad is the fact that she was near to shooting her own load when Lawrence stopped.

“He walked away like a fucking coward.” Diamond explained how she wasn’t enjoying sex and took a week off.

“I haven’t had a penis enter my nether regions; my pussy and my asshole has been cockless for ten freaking days, god damn it,” Diamond said. “And this little fucker over here was teasing the hell out of me.” With the promise he was going to get her off, Diamond pulled her pants down and Lawrence walked away before she could climax.

“Fucker! Asshole!” yelled Diamond. Lawrence said Diamond made his Frankenfinger hurt.

“You have a tight pussy.” During the salad portion of the off camera entree, Diamond talked about how Lawrence was also on the phone with Lockwood.

“You were licking my ass- on the phone with him, actually,” said Diamond.

“He did call to ask what we were going to talk about on the show,” Lawrence explained. “And I had my tongue buried up his ass….whoa…cheeze, did that come out right? I was talking to him and I had my tongue buried up HER ass. Gene Ross, don’t take that out of context.”

Diamond said she was getting a real mental picture of the situation and that men-on-men action actually turned her on. While she herself likes butthole, Diamond wondered if a girl licking a guy’s ass makes him gay.

“I want to know somebody’s opinion. I think that no matter what a girl does to a guy, that’s straight. If a girl sucks your dick, you’re straight. If a guy sucks your dick you’re gay. If a girl licks your butthole you’re straight. If a guy licks your butthole you’re gay. That’s how I look at it.”

Diamond went on to say that Lawrence was probably the gayest straight man she knows.

“You really are.”

Deflecting that bullet, Lawrence brought up the fact that he had been hanging out with Cayton Calley.

“She came over the other day, she didn’t want to fuck- she had a big scene [coming up]and she was a little sore. But she was horny. We got the Hitachi magic wand out and we did a masturbation show [for Lawrence’s site]. I jerked off while she had the Hitachi going on her puss. Her abs are amazing. She has an amazing body. And just to watch her whole body convulse when she came was hot.”

Lawrence talked about how he and Calley went shopping on Melrose and ended up going in a gay bar with Dr. Pat from AIM.

“Cayton Calley is beautiful- she’s going to get a contract eventually.” As they walked into the gay bar, Calley apparently remarked how friendly everyone was in West Hollywood.

“We went into the gay bar and I just took one look at her and said, ‘you know, Cayton, everybody here is looking at me. They don’t give a shit about you.’ The look on her face was just like she thought she was going to die.”

Lawrence laughed about how all the waiters were flirting with him and ignoring Calley.

Then Calley saw some gay guys that struck her fancy and Lawrence said she was on a mission to get their numbers.

But Lawrence said it was great to see one of the hotest girls in porn completely striking out.

Diamond said she likes having gay men look at her pussy. While at the gay bar, Lawrence said a sister of one of the gay guys took a fancy to him and wanted to see his penis.

“So I whipped it out- at the gay bar.”

“I whipped your penis out here in the fucking green room [at KSEX],” Diamond laughed. “I was tried sucking it but you were so busy talking to Kurt Lockwood your boyfriend or some shit.

“This guy, seriously was not interested in a blowjob from me because he’s on the phone with another guy,” Diamond told the audience.

“That’s gay, honey.”

Lawrence insisted he was talking about the show with Lockwood. Lawrence then talked about how he was getting porn stars for sleep overs.

“I thought I was your woman,” Diamond chirped.

“You’re so not my woman,” Lawrence replied. Diamond began whining like a puppy.

“I would marry this girl [Diamond],” Lawrence chuckled. “I’m already planning our divorce. I really care about this woman.”

Lawrence also reported that he was going to have a huge 40th birthday bash in March and that Lockwood and his band would be playing. Diamond said she heard the band and they were really good. On the other hand, Diamond expressed regret that she’d be in Amsterdam.

“I’m going to be smoking weed out the ass,” Diamond added. “It’s not breaking the law over there. I’m going to get so stoned that I’m going to have to sit on my couch and watch Rug Rats and eat Doritos. Then I’m going to get fat and you’re going to have to lick the fat out of my asshole.”

Before Lockwood came on, Diamond gave a shout-out to a guy named Dave who took her anal virginity back in her hometown in Arizona.

“He’s listening right now- hi, Dave, your cock feels really good in my asshole.”

Diamond then asked Lockwood if she could touch his penis. Lockwood mentioned how he wasn’t worried too much about the choice of the title, The Real Boogie Nights, because mainstream director Paul Thomas Anderson was a huge porn fan.

“And this was an homage to his work- I don’t expect any lawyers.” Lawrence, who was in the cast, noted that this was one of those shoots where everyone gelled and everyone was proud to be in it.

“We were up to 3:30 in the morning- three nights in a row on that movie.”

Lockwood said his attempt was to bring that sense of family to his cast.

Diamond, also in the movie, agreed that Lockwood had a sense for casting and bringing all the “cool people” together.

Lockwood likened his movies to Christopher Guest’s where you seen an ensemble of tried and true familiar faces. Ticking off the cast, Lockwood also singled out actor James Bartholet for doing a great job.

“He’s a wonderful guy,” Lawrence agreed.

“One thing I’m really looking forward to when this comes out is people are going to see the magic we put out there,” Lawrence added. “We all loved it. We had a great time with it. Maybe that’s the new direction of porn.”

“That’s a real effort to bring that to the table,” Lockwood commented. “You have a lot of outside forces that try to turn us against each other and a lot of in-fighting in porn. It’s a lot of effort to keep and maintain that- we’re all in this together kind of vibe.”

Lawrence noted that the first day and a half, a lot of people didn’t get that.

“Then they were, hey, let’s do this. Because a lot of gonzo is about this hot looking chick and this guy, let’s put them together and who gives a fuck if they like each other. This was all based on people that were requested to be with each other, that you had personal experience with. You knew that Marie Luv was fucking me off camera on L.A. Vice and I think viewers are going to appreciate that magic.”

Lockwood said he also got some amazing behind the scenes footage.

“Somebody in Omaha, Nebraska dreaming of coming out here to be a porn star- that’s what they dream a porn set is going to be like,” said Lockwood.

For him, Lawrence said his favorite part was bringing Diamond back in the same clothes she left the set in the first day.

Lockwood went on to sing a couple of his compisitions including the main song from The Real Boogie Nights.