Porn valley- If I tried charging every woman $30 to suck my cock, I’d still be waiting for my first $30. But Lisa Sparxxx has turned the art of charging her fans $30 a pop to basically suck cock [theirs] into a cottage industry. Saturday night Sparxxx opens the doors to the cottage once again when she and Olivia O’Lovely turn themselves loose at the Holiday Inn in Woodland Hills for what will certainly be the breaking of some kind of obscure local law on the books.

Sparxxx also debuted in her own KSEX show this past week after months of turning a CoHo spin with Chef Jeff into something equivalent to a WWE Smackdown. Sparxxx and Jeff truly appeared to be getting on one another’s respective case with no apparent let up. This week Sparxxx took the mike with Flexx acting as temporary sidekick.

Sparxxx reported that he had been in San Diego at a motorcycle show last weekend with O’Lovely on behalf of www.frostedjugs.com, a clothing company owned by a friend named Larry. Sparxxx said the show sucked. And speaking of suck, Flexx said he heard that Sparxxx was going to be sucking dick at the aforementioned event. Sparxxx called it a blowbang/bukkake. Sparxxx described it as tantamount to a circle jerk with cock sucking.

She didn’t know how many people were going to be there but that she was all about Olivia O’Lovely. “She agreed to do this with me for our websites together. I think there’s probably going to be 50 guys may more, I’m hoping. Sparxxx said hopefully more because she was all about having tons and tons of dick around her. “Everybody who knows me knows that.” Sparxxx explained that O’Lovely would help with the cock sucking and that the guys were all going to bukkake her face. “She’s not a big fan of bukkake.”

Sparxxx swears that bukkakes are the best facials going. “I swear to God it’s actually really good for the skin- all the protein, great for your skin. That’s why I look so young. No wrinkles. It’s like one of those good GNC protein shakes.”Sparxxx went on to explain how American Bukkake differs.

“Guys do not even physically touch you at all. I was not touched by one of those guys. They just stood around and whacked it and came in my face.” While she’s never seen a Japanese bukkake, Sparxxx said she’s heard that the guys scream “bukkake” before they let it fly. Sparxxx said she loves bukkakes because to her the best part of sex is the cum.

“Cum for me is the pinnacle. I’ve done my job.” Asked if she’s ever been in a room with a 100 guys, Sparxxx said yes she has but not will all 100. “Fifty is the most at once,” she said. “One position- each of them had about ten minutes.” Sparxxx said the only thing bad about volume like that is you can’t get into it. “They were literally in a line. That was the first big bukkake that I did. We did all this stuff. I did a little circle jerk. I went around the bed and blew everybody a little bit. Then they came in, one position, bomp, bomp, bomp, right on my face. It was great.”

Sparxxx has been asked what something like that tastes. “At that point when they’re altogether you don’t really taste anything. It just becomes one big giant cum ball.” Flexx assumed that the brain entered into the picture and somehow shut down your taste buds. Sparxxx also remembers having tasted good cum. “It was that stuff that guy brought in and said if you take it for three days it makes your cum taste good. It really did. If guys eat good, healthy stuff, they’re cum’s going to taste good.”

Sparxxx said pineapple juice makes it taste good and egg whites make it whiter. “Because a lot of guys are very clear. Most guy are super clear.” Flexx said he used to drink tons of soda and heard that it made cum bitter. “Then I switched to water.” Sparxx said Viagra also makes it hard to cum.

For Saturday night’s soiree, Sparxx noted that male talent in the industry didn’t have to pay to participate. “because I have a lot of industry friends who love to just cum on me for random reasons.” As far as Sparxxx was concerned she didn’t prefer dribblers over shooters.

“It doesn’t bother me getting it in the eye,” she said. “I don’t care what girls say it only hurts for a couple of hours. It stays red and feels like your eyeball’s swollen out. But then a couple of hours later you put some Visine eye drops in and you’re good to go. It doesn’t matter. Who really cares if you dribble or you shoot. If you shoot stand back a little further and get a running start at it.” Sparxxx said in one American Bukkake, the focus was her eyeballs.

“I had a scuba mask on with no lens. I laid back and they all whack it into the scuba mask.” Flexx said that was more like sharp shooting than bukkake.

From his own experiments, Flexx recommended that guys, when they almost get to the point of cumming, to tug their balls. “Like a fucking missile,” he said. “Try that at home. I don’t know what made me do it. It was like a moment of zen. It was like some super human shit I did.” Sparxxx said she’s heard of squeezing the shaft but nothing like that.Sparxx was asked if she ever got it up the nose. “That is the most unpleasant feeling,” she said. “It’s just not comfortable.”

Gauge was a guest on the show and Sparxxx noted that Gauge has never done a bukkake. “She doesn’t like cum.” Explaining herself, Gauge said she’s heard too many horror stories about cum in the face. Asked if she had been traumatized by bukkake, Gauge said she was on a set where a girl was wheeled out.

“They had her head on a silver platter and an apple in her mouth, and all the guys whacked off on her face. But I was in the background and the whole place smelled like a big dirty man’s sweat shop.” Sparxxx’ analogy was “musty balls.”

As her opinion goes, Gauge said the best sex was at home. “You don’t have to worry about pulling your balls up, cheating to the camera.” On the other hand, Gauge said she’ll swallow. “Some people like green tomatoes, some like red.”

Asked if she prefers to suck the dick and swallow or let the cum go somewhere else, Gauge said it depended on the circumstances but that if aimed towards the chin, the tits or the ass, that’s where she’d prefer it.

“I make sure they aim towards the chin. If it’s even near the face, that shit gets in your eyes and burns like jalapeno peppers.” Sparxxx made mention that she has to change her contact lenses quite often. Gauge thought that was pretty gross and explained that’s why she wears glasses. “They act as a shield.”

Gauge remembered another time she was on a JM shoot. “They had this girl all rolled up in dough and shit. She was about 400 pounds. This guy was just trying really hard to get off. He was slipping on all the flour and stuff. I was trying to help out. It smelled like a big biscuit in there and it was so horrible. It was this skinny dude with this 400-pound chick.”

Gauge said she’s been offered a lot of money to do a bukkake but remains adamant against them. “I don’t know what the thing is about all the bukkakes and stuff.” Sparxxx suspected that the most popular porn is the stuff you can’t do at home.

“Shit you can’t do to your girlfriend because she’d slap the shit out of you nine times out of ten.”