Porn Valley- At last count Skeeter Kerkove had 82 palm trees planted on his property. By summer he hopes to have 150 dotting a landscape that is slowly evolving into a Palm Desert resort. Of course none of this has anything to do with the fact that Vanessa Lane just turned herself into a human rubber tree for a porn flick. True to its title, The Contortionist, Lane shot two gravity and HMO-defying scenes for Skeeter this past week in this new movie for Robert Hill Releasing, www.roberthillreleasing.com.

In her scene with Otto Bauer, Skeeter says Lane and Otto, humping like creatures from another planet in a twisted knot of pulse-pounding flesh, produced 22 sexual positions virtually unknown to man. And probably the Kama Sutra. Two days later, Lane was at it again. This time it’s a threeway featuring Jezebelle Bond and Alec Knight. As limber as she is, Lane was talking about her aching back afterwards. Not that Alec didn’t test the resilience of his own ham strings and spinal cord. Jezebelle, well, she was testing the resilience of her new hair extensions which also give her this Catherine Zeta-Jones look. Which is not to say Bond, who’s astonishingly pretty and looks like a Forties movie star, didn’t have her moments of glory on camera. But Jezebelle, bearing a fresh tattoo on her wrist, was willing to concede that Lane has few peers for pliancy.

Chiropractor or no chiropractor, though, Lane has incredible muscle tone. It prompts Mark Wood [pictured] to comment after he’s seen some of the digitals that Vanessa’s got not a six-pack but a 14-pack. Working now on a possible 16-pack, Vanessa tells Skeeter that she stays away from meat.

“I used to eat meat but I read too many books about the bad things they do to cows,” says Lane in her distinctively raspy voice.

A carnivore to the tenth power, the only meat Skeeter has stayed away from recently is when a coyote chased him up his drive way a couple of days earlier.

Photog Bill Diehl shows Vanessa pictures he took of her on a Bridgette Kerkove shoot awhile back. Vanessa remembers having the shits that day and that there were tears in her eyes because of that. Then Bridgette clued her to Emodium and Vanessa was a changed woman after that, according to her.

“But that stuff fucks you up,” says Vanessa noting how Emodium will dry you out. Which has never been a problem for Skeeter, who gets very excited on shooting days, for one thing, because he can load up his refrigerator with liquid refreshment. Skeeter asks Bond if she’d like either an Aqua Fina or a Guinness. Skeeter likes the color and cut of the Aqua Fina water labels.

“It’s all about the presentation,” he smiles. Skeeter’s thinking back to a couple of days earlier when he and Otto hoisted a couple of Guinnesses and were singing Johnny Cash songs. He tells Bond she ought to watch Deadwood because she’s a hardcore girl. Bond’s never watched the show, and Skeeter says that Sunday nights for him used to be built around watching The Sopranos and Deadwood. Skeeter asks Bond if she’s back doing feature dancing. Bond, who does a marvelous ass shimmy that Lane wishes she could emulate, says not really outside of the fact that she danced at Rouge recently and had a blast.

Skeeter’s talking about the time Bridgette Kerkove had an outcall session with a millionaire in Philadelphia.

“She got $25,000 for eight hours,” he remembers. Skeeter loved going on those road trips, killing time and amusing himself on twenty bucks while his old lady, on a cloudy and humid day in the low Seventies, was up in some hotel room with a stranger. Skeeter remembers a Philly cop trying to arrest him for vagrancy until Skeeter pointed to The Four Seasons hotel and told the cop he was staying there. According to Skeeter, Bridgette’s millionaire trick was Khan Tusion times ten.

“He was into brutal mind games- pure evil destruction,” says Skeeter puffing on a cigarette. “All the rich guys wanted to fuck her ass.” But most of all, Skeeter was itching to tell the cop how much Bridgette was getting paid to take it in the ass and that the cop wouldn’t believe it.

“Skeeter, you’ve got the best stories,” Bond laughs, remembering a time in Florida when she got so drunk she realized she had been fucked in the ass.

“And I’m not an ass chick,” she states. This is another reason why Lane is the centerpiece in this threesome. Bond gets squirrelly if so much as a finger comes near her shit hole.

“I applaud girls who can do anal,” states Bond. “I cannot.” Bond laughs, deprecatingly, about being the perfect girl for this threesome.

“A drug-addicted porn star trying to get back into the business,” she says. Bond talks about how she would hallucinate on Ambien.

I tell Bond to have trust, that Skeeter will be her spiritual guide to the anal world and the really big bucks.Skeeter, speaking to her in soothing Guinness tones, suggests to Bond- almost hypnotically- that she’s in denial about anal.

“Skeeter, teach me the way!” Bond howls. “My guru.”

“Be careful,” Lane advises Bond. “He’ll have his fist up your ass in no time.” Skeeter insists that Bond’s ass is made for sodomizing.

Skeeter, who’s probably Svengali’ed his way into many a woman’s butt in this manner, remembers the first time he tried to fuck Bridgette in the ass. They’re in the bedroom 69’ing.

“I touch her butthole and she jumps up,” Skeeter recalls. “She screams don’t you know this is a sin! Her mother Debbie Felkel told her sodomy was a sin. Then, when Bridgette was pregnant, her mother told my oldest daughter that the unborn baby was going to hell because of what we do. That’s how sick her mom is.”

“How sick is she?” asks Bond, smiling, without missing a beat, waiting for Skeeter’s Johnny Carson punch line. And Skeeter’s reply can be judged in its own court of disturbance. He tells Bond he wants to fuck a girl in the ass while she’s jerking off a horse. He’s dead serious about this.

“It’s hot- you don’t see this every day,” he says with a straight face.

Skeeter remembers another time seven years ago in a four story home up in the Hollywood Hills when Bridgette Kerkove did one of her first scenes- it was with Chris Charming. Nic Andrews, when he was probably double the size he is now, was the cameraman. A couple of days later in the same house, Jon Strong and Marc Anthony put two dicks simultaneously into Bridgette’s ass. Though Bridgette didn’t walk away with $25,000, Skeeter remembers the looks on Strong and Anthony’s faces. It was their first time doing double anal.

In conversation, Chris Charming brings up this website out of San Francisco that’s shooting hardcore bondage. That’s nothing, says Skeeter. He was shooting those kinds of scenes for Metro four years ago. Charming asks if any of this is legal. Skeeter notes, as I’ve often done, that there’s no law governing this, but he’s convinced that if you really want to test the legal waters, have a brother fuck a white girl in a hardcore bondage scene and see if the government’s willing to take on the NAACP.

Liv Wylder, who’s going to work with Charming, is posing for some glamour girl shots. Liv, who seems to have a fun house smile permanently painted on her face, slides almost unintentionally into ballet splits thanks to Skeeter’s slick, marbled living room floor. Skeeter remembers the first time he had sex. And it was intentional. He was in sixth grade and the girl was 18 years old. Her name was Ginger.

“Her father was also in the pool & spa business,” he notes. Skeeter fucked Ginger in the ass the third time they had sex. A sixth grade kid and an 18 year-old Lolita. It was in a garage.

Out of the makeup chair, Lane’s wearing big hair, and Skeeter likes the look. But Lane isn’t so sure.

“Don’t you calm that hair down!” he warns her.

“Don’t you calm that hair down,” Bond repeats. “That’s funny.”

“Death to the young look!” intones Skeeter.

Wylder and Charming are in the other room stretched out on a couch like two teens making out. No cameras are running, but Wylder’s got her shapely legs draped over Charming’s and Chris has her pink panties down around her knees. He’s playing with her pussy, and his eyes are closed as though he’s savoring the aroma of a Fleming’s Steak House main course.

Wylder has to attend to some last minute girly things, and Charming’s playing with his stiffened dick through his pants zipper. With the size of his cock, Charming looks like he’s got another person occupying his lap- a ventriloquist act- The Chris Charming and Jerry Mahoney Show.

Charming, who should be thanking God every day of his life for this sized cock, commences a very poignant anal scene with Liv. In one circumstance, her left leg is quivering, and every sexual position in this scene is unique to the body. In another instance, Chris is buried deep in her ass prison-style. The length of that cock up anyone’s ass would wipe a smile off, but not Liv who has a relatively tiny ass and she takes Charming in a pile driver with some added nuances.

“Stretch my fuckin’ hole,” she urges him. “Train me to be a good whore.” Wylder, as you will ultimately observe, is very proficient in the art of the gape.

“Show the red vag of courage,” Bill Diehl also tells Wylder as he snaps some stills.

“You’re a funny guy,” I tell him.

“People don’t know that,” he says.

Lane asks Bond which agency is repping her, and Jezebelle says it’s her second time around with LA Direct, that she had been fired previously. Lane, who’s now with Gold Star Modeling, asks why.

“I was on drugs; I was undependable and I looked like shit,” Bond answers candidly.

“Been there, done it,” muses Lane who used to be a meth-freak herself, according to her. “I was hooked on it- it’s a great white trash drug.”

Lane says she finally kicked it after she lost a house, someone stole her furniture and she beat up a woman using brass knuckles. But Lane says she loves being with Joel Lawrence, that he’s up until all hours promoting her.

In a scene that has her arching more than a St. Louis landmark, Lane displays a latex spinal column as bodies and limbs intertwine in a series of complex maritime knots. This is becoming the kind of movie where you make up the Mambo as you go along. Skeeter’s saying this is all about capturing the art, the positions and the faces, not necessarily the close-ups.

“That’s what’s cool about this scene,” he says.

Lane and Bond display mutual respect for one another’s talents. Bond wishes she could be as limber, and Lane wishes she could do that ass dance. But Lane also wants to void one attempt that would place her $40,000 dental work in jeopardy.

“My back is fucked,” she’s also heard to say, but Vanessa, politely, asks Alec Knight if his dick is okay.

Later, Skeeter’s introducing Mark Wood on camera. Wood’s working with Skeeter’s live-in girlfriend Sierra Sinn who got lost on the way back from a David Luger shoot and somehow wound up on the 14.

Skeeter tells a story to the camera about how Wood was a stowaway aboard a ship at the age of nine with only an 8 oz glass of water to survive on.

“Then he met Brandon Irons who was selling aluminum cans on Reseda Blvd.”

Wood is playing a snarling, against character-type. Kind of like an anti-Wood, and Sinn’s handcuffed with a dog chain around her neck.

“Chains of love, chains of love,” Wood mutters as he initiates the scene.

I don’t know if this story is meant to be a parable or a source of inspiration, but Skeeter’s telling Sinn about the time Bridgette Kerkove was on a JM Productions set and refused to jump naked off a boat into an ocean that was 34 degrees.

“Bridgette cried because the water was so cold,” Skeeter continues. “But you know what? I got naked in front of 60 people. I told Bridgette I’ll be in the ocean before you go in and I’ll be in it afterwards.”

I guess the moral of the story was that Bridgette dove in. Upon which Wood, in a burst of strength, swings Sinn in the air upside down.

“Yeah Mark!” exclaims Skeeter with an authentic ring of excitement rising in his voice. “The upside down reverse heel grab! That’s never been done before.”

Except maybe Hulk Hogan.