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Quick Chat with Buck Adams

Porn Valley- Any Buck Adams story involving resuscitation, paramedics and ambulances is my favorite. But the all time Buck story is the night his newly wed bride Aspen Brock was attacked by an Octopus built by Slain Wayne, and the cops show up because they hear Brock’s screaming echoing through the neighborhood.

If I’m not mistaken, Brock is off somewhere counting the millions her folks left her, and Buck who quickly shed her, almost Paris Hilton-style, is still shooting movies. How do I know? Because Buck told me so when he called this afternoon. Buck was over at Antigua Pictures and from what I gather is in pre-production for another of his guns and square jaws porno epics.

Adams is laughing about how he’s sequestered from the Blatt brothers [Jon & Tod]. “They keep Buck down in the other building. I’m too crazy for the brothers, even. I’m their high end guy. They knock out the gonzo and I do the high end stuff like Beach Patrol. Buck brings in the good cable deals; now we have this big deal going- I can’t say anything yet, but they’re going to let me go crazy.”

While Buck’s not saying much, I’m piecing together clues that his next movie will star Randy Spears playing the president of the US. Adams says he can shoot movies of this caliber cheaper. “I’ve been doing it for so long,” he says. “I know where to go to get the shit.”

For his part, Adams is telling me that rather then keep up a schedule of porn star maintenance, he’d prefer to sit in a room, type up a script, go to a set and shoot it. “And not deal with all the bullshit,” he adds. “But that’s how I make my living. I have to do the bullshit to get paid for doing the other one. Fuck, you just never get away from it. I just never want to go to a sunbed again and eat food until I’m fat. I’m tired. Fuck it.”

Adams states that he’s been away from the porn wars for awhile but now is meeting a whole new crop of people, some, he confesses, he’d rather not be dealing with. And Buck’s almost apologizing for having picked up the phone. I tell him I prefer that, that this bullshit with e-mails is something I’d rather not deal with. Adams is laughing about how people are trying to show him how to use a computer.

“They’re trying to teach me to be computer literate,” he says. “It’s, like, I make movies, guys. Don’t make me go into e-mails! Plus I only type with one freakin’ finger, man. But I’m trying to be semi-literate where I can actually converse with people. One of the chat rooms already got my e-mail address. And now my computer’s just blowing up. All of a sudden, boom, it’s all of these fans on there. They actually hunt you up. Fuck, it’s scary. People are already sending me the second message before I get my answer to the first one out. I’m doing it as fast as I can.

“It’s too stressful for me to be on the computer,” Adams laughs. I’d rather stand around and talk to brainless actors.”


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