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Sean Looks at The Week of 8/22/2010 in Review; Asia Carrera Gets the Boo Hoo Hoo Award

Sean from writes: AdultFYI goes out of its way to bring you the latest in the world of stupid…

The You’re Dumb and You’re Ugly Too: The Aunt Esther Award Goes to Colondra Hamilton. It’s one thing to be born dumb. It’s another thing to be born looking like Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son.

Put those two elements together, and you’ve got a recipe for social disaster. Ms. Hamilton discovered this truism while sitting in her car with her pants unzipped when the cops pulled her over to discover she had a sex toy in her lap. Hamilton, who takes a very striking mug shot, by the way, allegedly told police she was using the toy while watching a pornographic video on her passenger’s laptop computer.

Lying Sack of Shit award goes to Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.

These two little scam artists had the mainstream media all in a tizzy this week. The first scam was that Spencer is blackmailing Heidi so he can release a sex tape of her. Then there was the divorce stories followed by the story that Heidi had gone into hiding.

RadarOnLine finally found a working brain cell and started putting two and two together to finally bust these scam artists’ charade. RadarOnLine’s final conclusion: it’s all a giant publicity stun. Gee, I’m shocked.

The Timothy Leary award goes to legendary Hollywood crackpot, Randy Quaid.

Taking a page out of numerous porn stars’ books by blaming everyone except themselves for their careers and money going down the toilet, Captain Crazy and his dingbat wife have started their own version of the blame game.

This week these two dopes filed a lawsuit in which they claim fraud and a wild murder conspiracy against their lawyers and trust officers. Captain Crazy demands the criminal investigation unit of the IRS perform an immediate tax audit of all trust accounts, bank accounts and lines of credit in his name; an immediate revocation of all powers of attorney and all trustees of all of his accounts and trusts.

Granted, it isn’t unusual for entertainers to be ripped off by their financial advisers, whoever; in this case it appears it took 22 years before the light bulb finally clicked on for this numbskull.

The Boo-Hoo-Hoo award goes to Asia Carrera.

Once again it appears it’s never too late for a has been porn star to bitch about her terrible upbringing.

Asia Carrera took it upon herself to share with the world: “I ran away from home because I couldn’t take it anymore, the beatings, the pressure, the control, the punishments. My life wasn’t my own to live! And yet I felt guilty. I was ashamed that I wasn’t the daughter they wanted me to be…blah, blah, blah.”

Here’s a thought: Life’s full of tuff shit. Stop bellyaching. Next time you feel the need to express yourself, just call Shelley Lubben and you two can have a good cry about how porn screwed both of you over.

Dumbass Quote of the Week goes to LFP President Michael Klein: “LFP follows every safety procedure, including testing during specific time frames, and we haven’t had one incident of infection.”

Well, they must be catching STDs someplace else then: The annual prevalence rate of chlamydia and gonorrhea among adult film performers is higher compared to L.A. County residents ages 18 through 29, county health officials said.

Creep of the Week goes to Lawson Wayne Bracewell III.

There is nothing wrong with giving your mother a ride to work. That is unless your mother is a hooker and she’s paying you $50 for gas money. Lawson was charged with deriving proceeds from prostitution. Nothing like being described as your mother’s pimp.

The Rubber Room award goes to Devon James.

In a desperate attempt to garner attention one last time, this week Devon James’ chubby hubby claims she checked herself into rehab. Yes, the stress of appearing in court to fight Tiger Woods was just too much for her to bear.

“Devon had a court appearance on August 17 but at the last minute her representation pulled out,” Nick says. “Devon was scared and decided not to go in alone.”

“On top of it her manager Gina Rodriguez quit on her too,” Nick says.

“She’s been on an emotional rollercoaster and it was just more than she could handle.”

Yes, lying through your teeth can be stressful. Say hello to Nurse Ratchet for me.

Quote of the week winner is Heidi Montag’s sex partner, Karissa Shannon for this gem: “I have a lot of goals. I want to be very successful when I get older. I never wanted to be a school teacher or something small, I wanted to be something that people could look up to.”

The Paging Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard Award goes to Heidi Montag.

Poor Heidi, it appears she regrets getting breast enlargement surgery. The Hills star told Life & Style about her G-cups. “I’m downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D. I have major anxiety about it. I was taking painkillers but they weren’t working, so I stopped. It hurt either way,” she told the magazine.

“I’m obsessed with fitness, but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs. It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.”

I guess she has no complaints about all the other plastic surgery she’s had. She got ten; count ’em ten, plastic surgeries in one day. That’s really conceding the fact that you’re ugly.

The Fools and Their Money Are Soon Parted award goes to these four un-named and brain dead porn chicks.

A scam was reported this week involving a representative of some un-named drummer in some un-named rock band that had contacted several porn stars to set up a little play date. The porn stars are told to pay their own expenses including airfare in order to meet this creep.

Lucky for these 4 blockheads, it appears they’ve only lost their own money and nothing more…like their lives.

The Einstein award goes to Bonnie & Clyde wannabes: a 39-year-old woman and 31-year-old man.

These two geniuses broke into a house and decided to film their heist. Well, that other form of nature called and they decided to have sex while the stolen camera continued to roll. Sadly, their copulation was interrupted when the home owner’s neighbor came over to check the mail. The nude robbers left the scene in a haste, leaving the camera behind. Not surprisingly, the police viewed the video and recognized the two thieves and they were quickly arrested.

This Isn’t Your Fuhrer’s Third Reich award goes to Germany’s Justice System.

Despite being found guilty of having unprotected sex with men and failing to inform them she was HIV positive and the fact that one of her partners contracted HIV, singer Nadja Benaissa was not given jail time. Instead, the German court sentenced her to a two-year suspended sentence, according to the German news agency, ddp.

We understand as she left the courthouse Benaissa was heard singing Danke Schoen.


> Sunset Thomas Recalls Bunnyranch Tryst – Read the story here:

> Adultcon billboards draw opposition from El Monte residents – Read the story here:

> Update: Judge’s Pix Called Kiddie Porn; Law Enforcement Source Says 17 Is Not Illegal – Under New York law, it is illegal to possess pornographic images of a child under age 16. Read the story here:

> Paris Hilton Arrested on Cocaine Charges – Couldn’t have happened to a nicer bitch. Read the story here:

> Our Favorite Michael Stefano Story: The Day His Dick Almost Exploded, Nearly Ending His Career – Luciano admitted to having shot up his dick because he couldn’t work with rubbers. Read the story here:

> Michael Stefano Retiring from Porn? [We Still Remember Him as Luciano] – At least he still has his humility. Read the story here:

> Judge refuses to stop Mo. law on sexual businesses – “Now in Missouri, if someone wants to see a little skin, instead of going to a strip club, they’ll go to a public pool,” Gruender said. Read the story here:

> Notre Dame Tenured Prof Allegedly Used Grant Money for Porn; He’s Suing The Fighting Irish – And he’ll lose. Read the story here:

> Update: Porn Judge Had Lots of Crotch and Cleavage Shots – The Manhattan district attorney’s office is scouring the files to determine if any of the girls are underage…Read the story here:

> Wrestler Luna Vachon Dies – Damn you Vern Gagne! Read the story here:

> Air Force Sergeant With HIV Failed to Tell ‘Multitude’ of Swinger Party Sex Partners, Report Claims – Air Force investigators contend that these encounters–which often involved fellow “swingers”–amount to aggravated assault “against several men and women in and around the Wichita, Kansas area.” Read the story here:

> Adam and Eve Parts Company With “Miss Piggy” Bree Olson – Word is Adam and Eve will quietly let all of the current contracts expire and get out of the contract girl biz altogether. Read Uncle Jed’s post here:

> Women Sue “Manley Toys” Because Men Talked About Anal Sex and Doing 14 Year-Old Girls – “People generally know you can’t say these things.” They’ll be breaking out the big checkbook. Read the story here:

> DirtyHardDrive Aims for Success and Hits the Target as a True Underdog Success Story – Read the hype:

> Security expert busted in exec sex-extort try – Demanded a big payday from a boss of Queens storage center when the camera system he put in caught the exec with hookers. Read the story here:

> Russian Spy Anna Chapman Being Taken To Court Over Mens Mag Photo Shoot – The femme fatale took part in a raunchy photo shoot then posted some of the pictures on her Facebook page. Read the story:

> Sunny Lane Lands a One-Two Punch as ‘Alice’ & Directing Debut ‘Strap On Sunny’ Both Hit This Week – Read the hype:

> “Adult film stars are brought in by promoters to lure people into Hollywood clubs” – “I’ve been paid anywhere from $1,000 to $3,000 just to show up — that’s my fee” … But Kai received no payment at the MyHouse event Aug. 6 — just free liquor. [Stop laughing!] Read the story here:

> Karissa Shannon Has a New Story: Spencer Pratt Stole the Heidi Sex Tape; see the video – Looks like she wants a bigger percentage of the take. Read the story here:

> Pamela Anderson Takes Her Old Webmasters to Court – Nefarious webmasters? I’m shocked to tell you the truth. Read the story here:

> Brian Pumper: Pimp Pushed Montana Fishburne Into Porn – “[She] was getting money from her dad but the dad broke all that off ‘cause the dad didn’t approve of the boyfriend.” Read the story here:

> Story of the Day: Two Dozen Protesters Blast Larry Flynt’s Hustler For Unsafe Sex in Porn Films – “How much blood money do you need?” Weinstein asked the crowd. Read the story here:

> Diamond Foxxx Wraps Directorial/Producer Feature Debut – Read the hype:

> Get Noticed: Unveiled – Read the hype:

> Giuliani Judge Caught with Kiddie Porn on His Computer – Gibbons was busted after a computer-monitoring system in the courthouse red-flagged his terminal, a law enforcement source said. Read the story here:

> Charles Calderon: No Bare Shoulders in the New California Taliban Assembly – Your tax dollars again at work. Read the story here:

> Montana Fishburne Gets an Apparent Thumbs-Down from Playboy – That sex tape is going to be a real career enhancer. Read the story here:

> Brian Pumper Hopes To Convince 50 Cent To Sign Him To G-Unit – Brian says ultimately he wants to be known as the most magnificent sex symbol ever…right…. Read the story here:

> Adult DVD Empire fined 75K for distributing obscene movies; Two Years Probation – The company’s profit on the DVDs was less than $500, she said. Read the story here:

> Lawsuit of the Day: Evan Seinfeld, Lupe Fuentes Being Sued in Copyright Infringement Case – The suit seeks actual damages of not less than $1M. Read the story here:

> Missouri Judge to Consider Adult Business Lawsuit – The lawsuit raises free speech issues and claims Missouri legislators failed to follow proper procedures in passing the new restrictions. Read the story here:

> Singer Nadja Benaissa Found Guilty of Hiding HIV; But Gets No Jail Time – “I never wanted this to happen to any one of my partners,” Benaissa said during a statement read to the court last week. Read the story here:

> M. Night Shyamalan, Penthouse Pet Ryan Keely and MTV’s Josh Horowitz star in “Escalation” – Read the hype:

> Playboy Forming Game Label, Partners With Bigpoint For PoisonVille – Read the story here:

> Larry Flynt confirms plans for Downtown Cincinnati Store, But Without Videos – “We’re going to proceed with caution,” Flynt said. Read the story here:

> CNN’s Rick Sanchez a Florida Gangster’s Party-Boy – He’s a whore. Read the story here:

> Remake of ‘I Spit On Your Grave’ to chop rape scene by 43 seconds – Get your popcorn ready. Read the story here:

> John Stagliano on Obscenity, Justice, and His Upcoming Animated Video on the Federal Reserve – Read the interview here:

> Superman XXX Coming in November – I’m on pins and needles. Read the hype:

> Trailer for Not Charlie’s Angels XXX Available to View – Read the hype:

> Downtown Cincinnati to get 2nd Hustler store? Jimmy Flynt: Larry’s Trying to Squeeze Me Out – You mess with the bull, you’re going to get the horns. Read the story here:

> ‘Cake Boss’ Co-Star Busted for Sex Assault on Minor; Tasted His Icing – Gonzalez — who is married to “Cake Boss” Buddy Valastro’s sister… Read the story here:

> Lawsuit of the Day: CEO Tried to Seduce Her on His “Magic Couch,” Woman Claims in Sex Suit – Another dope looking for a payday. Read the story here:

> Police Report Said He Jerks Left: Pee Wee Claims He Jerks Right – Read the story here:

> Heidi Montag’s Sex Mate Going After Kendra Wilkinson in Tell-All – “Kendra is definitely scared,” Karissa tells the tab. Yeah, I hear she saw her shadow and freaked out. Read the story here:

> Naughty America Spotlights Former NBA Cheerleader Briana Blair – Read the hype:

> Dominic Ford introduces porn star reality show – The sausagefest begins in September. Read the story here:

> Io Group, Going After 244 Anonymous Pirates for Downloading Gay Porn, Drags AT&T Into the Flap – Read the hype:

> Porn stars being scammed by someone claiming to work for & Person impersonating Rock drummer – “When the girl arrives, they ask her to get a rental car (the credit card they give her to use is stolen).” Read the story here:

> Prosecutors to send Indonesian ‘Playboy’ chief editor to jail – And you think this government is hard on porn. Read the story here:

> It’s a Wrap to New Sensation’s Flintstone’s Porn Parody – Read the hype:

> Heidi Montag Now Regrets Implants; Feels “Trapped” Inside Her Own Body – Montag said she’s currently scouring South America for a doctor to perform the procedure. Read the story here:

> Scott Fayner writes: How free streaming video threatens the porn industry – Read the story here:

> War Machine Going to Jail – Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. Read the story here:

> Robert Zemeckis’ Wife Does a Documentary on Burlesque – “The young people think it was just striptease — no, it was a big, gaudy theatrical show,” said Dixie Evans, an ex-burlesque performer who appears on screen. Read the story here:

> ‘Piranha 3D’ director says he is not worried about possible legal action by Joe Francis – “This character of Jerry O’Connell’s was, for me, a human piranha. But not based on anyone specifically.” Read the story here:

> Conquest Video takes over pizza place Which Claims They Drove ‘Em Out of Business with Blow up Dolls – The expansion will allow Morrison to make the shop more “couples-friendly,” he said. Read the story here:

> Update: iP4Play Announces Successful Launch of Adult Services – Read the hype:

> Laurence Fishburne Secretly Footing Montana’s Legal Bill – Even if your kid is an idiot, you still gotta love them. Read the story here:

> Mansef: Pink Visual engaged in trademark infringement – Read the story here:

> Ann Marie Rios Hitting It Big At The Gentlemen’s Club Owners Expo in Vegas – Read the hype:

> Sex Toys Not Feeling the Recession Pinch – This story brought to you by the sex toy makers of America. Read the story here:

> Rapper: Brian Pumper “a Super Homo”; Pumper Says He’s Got Proof Montana Signed Model Releases – “The b*tch is lying, she’s full of sh*t.” Read the story here:

> Private Media Reports “Minor Decrease” in Second Quarter – Yeah, and that iceberg that hit the Titanic just scratched the paint. Read the hype here:

> If the girl is crying, vomiting, or even bleeding, that’s Gonzo gold; Another Look at Gail Dine’s Slur on Porn – Gail Dines draws on years of research to reveal just how extreme the porn industry has become. Read the propaganda here:

> Heidi Tape is Just Another Scam; Divorce is Also a Lie… – Glad to see some of the mainstream press are catching on to this pro wrestling charade. Read the story here:

> Hitler an African-Jew? Holy Sammy Davis Jr. – “One can from this postulate that Hitler was related to people whom he despised” I know I am…my relatives drive me nuts. Read the story here:

> Cal Vista Releases Alice – Read the hype:

> Kansas AG Joins 16 Other States in asking Craigslist to remove adult ads – Must be an election year. Read the story here:

> The Girl Next Door, Sunny Lane, Gets Hardcore With Directorial Debut – Read the hype:

> The World’s First Million Dollar Dildo – Read the story here:

> Jenna Jameson: Celebrities Lie About Sex Tape Victimization – Somebody want to tell Queenie that all these sex tapes are a sham. Read the story here:

> Steve Hirsch Chasing Heidi Montag Down in Costa Rica – This shit makes me ill. Read the story here:

> Heidi Montag’s Sex Partner, Karissa Shannon: Aggravated Assault, Battery, Boyfriend in a DEA Drug Raid – Read the story here:

> Lawyer Answers Why Porn’s Legal, but Not Prostitution – I’m still confused. Read the story here:

> Child porn convictions cap downfall of Maine’s ex- Drug prosecutor; But Lawyer Says He Was Set Up – Sure he was. Read the story here:

> Janine Blasts Jessie James for Not Letting Her Say Goodbye to Her Kid – Janine plays the crying game. Read the story here:

> Cops Bust Craigslist Prostitute Ring in Philly – There are also, murders, robberies, and assaults linked to this operation, and police arrested six women and three men in the sting. Read the story here:

> Fame Registry Announces Top MILF Porn Stars – These boys have way to much time on their hands. Read the hype:

> Council to hear appeal in Sinsations Gentlemen’s Club club denial Sept. 7 – The proposed club has drawn intense community opposition, and a hearing in May elicited five hours of mostly negative testimony. Read the story here:

> Consumers Clamor for Sin with Bluebird’s Se7en Deady Sins – Read the hype:

> Tanya Tate Asked To Speak Before The University College Dublin Law Society, But Can’t – Here’s a new one- a press release announcing the fact that you’re not going to do something. Read the hype here:

> Axel Braun And Vivid Announce New Porn Parodies ‎- Read the hype:

> Devon James Checks Into Rehab; Gina Rodriguez Bails Out on Her as Manager – “I was managing her [Devon] and dropped her the morning of the court date because I felt she had been dishonest.” Read the story here:

> Spitzer Hooker Kristin Davis to Challenge Andrew Cuomo for Governor of New York – Most politicians are whores, so she’ll be in familiar surroundings. Read the story here:

> Jason Sechrest To Pen Edgy Gay XXX Web Soap Opera for C1R – Read the hype:

> Blogger beware: Postings can lead to lawsuits – Calling someone a “jerk” and a “buffoon” may be safe from a lawsuit because it states an opinion…..Life’s been good to me so far. Read the story here:

> Sea J Raw Sells Pussy – Read the hype:

> Lil Stella’s Really Short Stories Streets Today; “A Midget Genius” – Is this the Steve Hirsch story? Read the hype here:

> FriendFinder’s Andrew Conru – The Engineer of Love – Read the story here:

> Gay Porn Performer Mason Wyler Says He Has HIV – Since testing positive in May, I have hooked up with a total of three people and they were all HIV positive themselves. Seriously. Read the story here:

> Uncovered – The Real Traci Lords (critical commentary) – I also know that Traci cost a lot of working people and small business owners their livelihoods with her little scam. Read the story here:

> Heidi’s Alleged Sex Tape Partner — Naked Sunbathing in Vegas – She’s not that great. Read the story here:

> Inn Of Sin Cash Launches VannahSterling.Com – Read the hype:

> Vivid Not too Excited About the Heidi Montag Girl-on-Girl Tape – Most not have all the model releases signed yet. Read the story here:

> Britain’s first porn star leaves 250k – Finally, a porn star that dies that isn’t penniless. Read the story here:

> Update: WikiLeaks Founder eyes Pentagon in ‘rape’ rap – Swedish prosecutors issued an arrest warrant for Assange yesterday over an allegation of rape but abruptly canceled it hours later…Read the story here:


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