Down at the office had to fill out the forms
A pink one, a red one, the colours you choose
Up to the counter to see what they think
They said “It doesn’t count man, it ain’t written in ink”
Don’t trust anybody least not around here, cos

It’s no fun being an illegal alien
It’s no fun being an illegal alien…

Porn Valley- During a Steel Reserve-fueled chat with Skeeter Kerkove this past weekend, Skeeter, turned INS agent, talked about the time he shot “illegal aliens”.

“I had these two illegal immigrants [names being withheld]on my set,” he says. “I’m committing a crime by even hiring them because there’s laws against that. They’re committing a crime by working in the country in that year by working for me and taking the money. So we’re all committing crimes on the set. These are felonies. This is serious shit. We’re all raping the United States of America. We’e not paying our taxes correctly.”

“I’m not allowed to legally hire these people,” Skeeter continues. “They’re not allowed to come here and take our United States money. And they’e all getting paid in cash from me so I’m explaining that to these two guys. One of them was so tired of France and all their poverty- he came to America because Steve Holmes said go to America; you can talk bad about them and get a paycheck.”

“So we’re in the back yard with Jim Powers and Jim is saying oh the fucking French. I go, well, he’s [one of the performers] got a big penis. Then I tell the girl to get on these two tables and grab your heels. And Jim’s getting in there. One of the guys gets in there and says this position is impossible, I go it wasn’t impossible for a couple other guys earlier today They seemed to not have a problem with it. One of them was Mark Davis and he was fucking Melanie Jagger on this little 12 by 12-inch table and she grabbed her heels.”

“I know it’s not Anabolic or Diabolic where you just beat ’em up, toss ’em around. We actually care about a few positions here. I need the bitch to grab her heels. And they got it down and it turned out pretty good. It was for Metro, Teen Patrol #1. Metro wanted me to do a teen movie because my first movie for them was all fetish cloting, chains, collars, smoking, anal fisting, beer bottles in the butt, peeing and enemas. Everything. Things that they’re doing over at Evil Angel, now, I guess. But they weren’t doing it six years ago.”

“And the girl in the scene was from England and it was illegal hiring her,” Skeeter goes on to say. “So it was like a whole government felony in the backyard. I’m breaking the law. They’re breaking the law. You know you can’t hire an illegal alien, righ?”

I ask Skeeter how these foreign performers are getting away with it all these years.

“Well that’s what Mark Spiegler used to say,” Skeeter comments. “What the fuck’s wrong with the government? They want to take down porn, why don’t they just go after all these companies that hire all these illegal aliens? You cannot hire an illegal alien. It is a crime. Not only that, if they see you give the illegal alien a ride- to and from work-, they can take your car and sell it. You’ll never get your car back. It is gone. You used it in a commission of a crime.”

By Skeeter’s argument I assumed that talent agencies who are providing transportation to and from sets can have their cars impounded.

“Yes, if they do not have correct paper work,” he replies.

“What is correct paper work?” I ask.

“A visa with permision to work in the United States,” Skeeter says.

Asked if the people on his set had work visas, Skeeter just says that he’s now stuck with $14,000 in taxes because of “foreigners” including a scene he shot for Private.

“And I can’t back tax them [the performers] on it,” he says. “I have to pay everything for those illegal foreigners. I wish they would cha;llenge me in a public forum so I can put all the proof on the Internet that I paid it. I committed a crime. I hired them.”

According to Skeeter, one of those male performers eventually married an American porn performer and had a baby with her.

“Know what happens? They can’t send you back to your fucked up country.”