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“Spous-Agers”

(SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CA) — There is nothing more romantic then a supportive spouse, who stands behind his woman as she does whatever it is she chooses to do in life, even perform in adult films. But notice I said, stands ‘behind’ her.

Unfortunately, many partners confuse supportive behavior with being controlling, overbearing and frankly annoying as hell.

One of the things that used to amaze me as I entered the adult world two years ago, was how many men could stand there and watch the love of their life getting plowed by someone else’s cock. Coming from a mainstream world, that’s just really hard to fathom.

As time went on, I gained a respect for these men, and the two of them as a couple. Everyone’s introduction to working in porn is different, hell I got in through the local little league. Serious. But, not being a scholared expert in these matters, yet having a lot of personal experience, I came to realize that there were basically two types of spouse, and the reasons they tolerate the activities are complete opposite.

Type 1: There is a lot of trust running through the relationship. There is no shallow jealousies and the core of the two people involved is strong enough to overcome normal feelings of envious anger. I say envious, because being the other half of the relationship, one may feel it should be him involved in that act. I say anger when in fact, he does feel it should be him.

But , in Type 1, I truly believe this kind of person (s), aside from occasional passer by thoughts of gloom, is so comfortable with themselves, that they really could go a lifetime with partner swapping and witnessing on-camera sexual performances from their other half, and remain sincerely happy and satisfied.

Type 2: This guy either met her when she was already in the biz and she was strong enough to tell him that she wasn’t going to stop what she’s doing, or, believe it or not, he inspired her to do some fun things with her girlfriends and had no idea it was going to boom to such a higher level.

Speaking directly to the female talent now, basically if you stick around long enough as an adult performer, sexy or no, likable or no, there’s going to not only be an audience for you, but your name will go around and you will soon find yourself in the “Vegas Click” (My term for all of us every January, wandering the halls of the Venetian at the AVN Convention).

Now, Type 2 wasn’t aware of this fact. He thought he was going to ‘get off’ on the fact that some of your pics went around the free galleries on the web. He got wood thinking about cute, young girls coming to his house to shoot with you, and thought perhaps he would get to score some of that pussy as well. And, the day you told him, you didn’t want him to be the only stunt cock, he went ballistic. If not out loud, in his mind.

Now we bring in more scenarios. It’s a twisty, turny road here, but stay with me.

Some ladies in the business stop right there. That’s it, they’re done. For the sake of their relationship, they will either do personal cam shows on their site at home, solo or with a girlfriend, or they leave altogether, to save the life at home.

I can respect that, but I don’t agree with it.

Other ladies that find out their man is upset with it, will welcome him into the lifestyle, offering swinging and their girlfriends as bait, to inspire the man to hang in there, while they take some other cock as well at work.

If the man goes for that approach, they’re set. If he doesn’t, they may decide to continue working anyway, and either only do girl-girl scenes, or take a chance that he’ll hang in there and get over it, as they do whatever kinds of scenes they chose to do.

The one I find the most annoying, while slightly amusing is what I call, “The Spous-Agers!” (Combination of Spouse and Manager)

Here’s a guy, who on the most part, knows nothing about the adult business. He has not one clue about what is acceptable behavior from a director, on a set, what pay for the talent needs to be increased and what pay you settle for. In regards to the value of appearances and promo, he couldn’t tell you. The reason you chatted online in a random chat room for an hour with 20 fans, he can’t understand why you’d waste time doing that. If anything, he will try to convince you that you’re being taken advantage of.

This guy, the Spous-Ager, will not only take you to the set, but he will begin to speak for you. He will make suggestions to the crew and production team and he will be in the fucking way! In many cases, this FUCK takes it to another level and speaks for you in the trades or answers your fan e-mails, as you, all the while not realizing the destruction he’s doing to your career, while we’re all laughing at him.

At KSEX, I’ve seen plenty of Spous-Agers come in with their girls. And quite honestly, I can’t stand it.

People ask me all the time, “Can I bring my man?” I always tell them that their other half is welcome, so long as he does not distract you, fuck with your emotions and stays out of the way of the crew.

It sounds so cold, but many wonderful adult stars come in alone and they are fun, upbeat, willing to do just about anything. As soon as they bring in the Spous-Ager, he’s calling the shots, telling them what to do, or what not to do. Telling us what questions to ask, and those we shouldn’t.

I had one guy directing his lady in the middle of the interview. At a break, he told her, “you suck…your boring….no one will like you…..take your tits out or suck Wank’s dick….do something.”

I couldn’t believe it. I took him out in the hallway and said to him, “I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re doing, but if you’re trying to help, show the girl some goddamn love and support. Yelling at her isn’t going to loosen her up on the air. You go sit on the fuckin’ couch and try it.” He was quiet for the rest of the interview. But that kind of behavior is actually common from many of these guys.

I am hearing all the time that these same men, on a set, are just as bad. Directors in many cases are forced to go up to the Spous-Ager, not the talent, to ask if it’s ok to do a DP (double penetration) or a facial.

There’s no need for me to name names. If you’re not in the industry, you won’t know them. If you are in the industry, you know them in this light already.

The point of this little story, is to just tell spouses of talent to calm down. Relax. Back up a little. Support your lover, watch her back, but don’t crowd her and ruin some of the features in her personality that make her shine. Don’t ruin her chances of getting work, because people think you’re an asshole and don’t want you around.

There are adorable stars that I’ve had on KSEX many times who I purposely do not invite back because of their men. I’ve talked to movie companies, directors and producers who do the same thing.

Think about that. As a Spous-Ager, you’re ruining their opportunities so you can be ‘the man.’

Unless you want to drop trow, on film, and do what they do, please either go get a hobby or stay out of their way while they work….oh, and stay out of our way too.

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