Like a drug that draws you with irresistible force to an immovable object such as fatality or, at the very least, socially stupid behavior, the Deeper Throat reality series which just aired on Showtime is something that can’t be put down.

For one thing, unless this whole scenario’s being entirely staged for the benefit of the Peanut Gallery, you get the feeling you’re watching Paul Thomas’ storied career [either that or himself] in the adult industry unraveling right before your eyes.

Even Steve Hirsch’s wife in episode Two winces and draws exaggerated gasps at the mention of P.T.’s initials.

“What’s he doing HERE?” she gasps, learning that Thomas is paying a visit to the house. Thomas in 23 years of working for him has never paid a call on Hirsch privately at his house. Hirsch, set on giving Thomas the bum’s rush, immediately comments on the sorry state of P.T.’s shoes and tells him he looks like he hasn’t slept in three days. Later in bed [shirtless], Hirsch is reading the script to his wife’s annoyance. She admits she never watches any of the Vivid movies. Hirsch used to make that very same point as well.

“I read scripts when they’re important,” states Hirsch. “This is one of the stupidest scripts I’ve ever read in my entire life.”

“Have you taken a look at P.T. lately?” Laurie Hirsch asks, gritting. Hirsch later berates P.T. on the job he’s done.

“It’s not very good- it’s a poor attempt. You’re going to have another script that works and get it done now!” If not, Hirsch tells him he’s got other guys lined up to take his place.

Now, is this all a preposterous goof? Or is there something to the 1,000 yard stare P.T. exhibits in his efforts to sell Hirsch on an impossibly bad rendition of a new Deep Throat? Who’s to say. But if it’s a gimmick, it’s certainly well played and quite believable.

And Robert Interlandi, Arrow’s marketing director, who’s being something of a gadfly in Hirsch’s ointment, comments that P.T. is Hirsch’s “playtoy”.

The series as it unfolds pits Ray Pistol “The porn baron from Sin City,” in a battle of wits with Hirsch which is now being settled by lawyers from both sides. Pistol at least on camera calls Hirsch’s attempts “badgering”. Hirsch on the other hand is convinced he’ll talk Pistol into an agreement or die trying.

As far as the reality series is concerned, Hirsch wants to remake Deep Throat and calls it the biggest movie in the history of the adult world. Hirsch has probably seen those $600 M Deep Throat revenues being quoted and wants a chunk of that pie. Thomas, though, at one point concedes it might be “difficult” to get the rights to a classic like Deep Throat.

“If we don’t have the green light on the project, I’m going to forge ahead anyway,” declares P.T. which gives you pause to wonder about keeping agreements.

Pistol in his next meeting with Hirsch brings a gun.

“Gee I hope those things aren’t loaded,” Hirsch observes.

“They’re not designed for you at this point,” Pistol responds. “Las Vegas is more wild west.”

Hirsch brings along a portfolio of girls to show Pistol that’s he’s serious about continuing with the project but doesn’t want to go any further until he gets a signed deal.

Checking out the folder, Interlandi tells Hirsch he already doesn’t like the first couple of girls and Hirsch gives him a look that could emaciate. Hirsch then asks Interlandi if he’s got a hand in picking girls.

“Yeah but I least I’ve got taste,” Interlandi tells him which prompts Hirsch later to say Interlandi’s “a total moron- I don’t know how we’re going to do business”.

Pistol’s willing at least to give Vivid the opportunity but says he’ll make his own version if they fuck it up. But even Hirsch voices surprise that Pistol gave him the go-ahead.

Nonetheless, Interlandi holds his own casting call, and the guys who generally show up for bukkakes, show up to this one.

“I knew poor Robert was going to be looking at a lot of dicks,” laughs Pistol.

In one segment, Interlandi “takes one for the team” by sexually auditioning a female aspirant. Pistol imagines that Interlandi got more than he bargained for.

“You get the good, the bad, the ugly, sometimes a gem.”

Meanwhile Hirsch’s wife is nagging him about seeing a movie, demanding they spend some time alone.

“I deal with movies all day,” Hirsch tells her.

“These are real movies,” she says. Good point.

In another subplot, unbeknownst to them, Vivid contract girls Meggan Malone and Hanna Hilton are auditioning for parts in Deeper Throat. It’s already been established that Malone had dated Hilton’s boyfriend Jack Venice [maybe three times] who’s now doing a stretch on a rape charge.

Hilton’s also got a few catty remarks to deliver about Malone aided and abetted by Thomas who, like a Shakespearean Iago, doesn’t mind fueling the flames and rubbing some salt in the relationship wounds.

Malone says dealing with the issue is like high school, while Hilton feels that Malone’s sticking a knife in her back. Then she comments how she enjoyed her scene with Manuel Ferrara and knows that Malone’s going to get her “sloppy seconds”.

Thomas has now organized a formal casting call and is using porn performer Voodoo as the literal yardstick of success to determine whether a female performer gets hired. Sunny Lane’s one of those auditioning and feels she impressed the director. Another girl who practically chokes on her dialogue, doesn’t fare as well. And most can’t read a script for shit.

Marci Hirsch, Hirsch’s sister, is of the opinion there are no stand outs as far as beauty but feels they’ve found girls for supporting roles. Neither is Thomas all that crazy about what he’s seen so far.

For the lead, P.T. says he’s looking for a girl next door which was Linda Lovelace’s mysterious appeal. Though P.T. doesn’t sound like he was too excited about Lovelace.

“She was the freckle-face girl next door.”

Thomas says he’s facing an age-old conundrum- does he hire the girl who delivers the best sexual performance or the one who can deliver the lines the best. He feels a combination of the two is what he’s after.

An east coast blonde from New York named Sara comes off cocky and abrasive [Thomas likes her attitude], and Sara tells Thomas sarcastically how he can check her references and deep throat skills.

“The art of deep throat is not to gag and being really accepting of the cock,” Sara theorizes. Which is what they basically teach you in school.

“Sometimes I can get the balls in there, too,” she snarls. “Sometimes I can get down so far that the balls get in my mouth. It really is that serious.”

Sara explains she learned to do it being on the dance circuit and that college was a “fucking waste of time”.

“You’re good,” Thomas tells her thinking earlier she might be a possibility. But soon he and Sara lock horns. She can’t take direction and doesn’t appreciate his critique of her reading.

“Who wrote this?” she wants to know. “I’m intelligent. I’m not an actress. I suck and fuck.”

“You’re starting to act like Mae West,” P.T. tells her.

“Who?

“You know who Mae West is?” Thomas asks

“She’s a little bit before my time,” answers Sara caustically.

Thomas suggests Sara try some Great Garbo in her lines.

“You know who Greta Garbo was?” he then asks.

“No, these people are fucking dead, man!” Sara shouts. “You’re asking me about people my grandfather used to fuck.”

Sara waddles off naked in a monumental huff. Nevertheless, P.T. thinks she’s got something and wants her in the movie.

Thomas is excited about re-making Deep Throat and wants to combine it with Cinderella- which will probably happen as soon as they come for him with a straight jacket and a glass slipper.

Sasha Grey interviews next and Thomas, calling her porn’s new IT girl, has wanted to meet her. Grey figuring that she won an award for oral, says that part of the audition [with a sex toy] should be easy. [But, coyly, none of these demonstrations are ever viewed on camera.]

Honored to audition, Gray, not sure that she got the part, says the first time she ever sucked dick, she was able to deep throat, so she’s probably a natural.

Hirsch’s got an appointment with Kelli McCarty and continually emphasizes the fact to who’s ever within earshot that she was a former Miss USA. A 1991 Miss USA, however, back when she was blonde and obviously a lot younger. As she looks now, McCarty, a nice woman, reminds you a lot of Devin Lane.

“This could be a big deal for us,” Hirsch tells his wife who’s badgering him about keeping a Friday night engagement with another couple.

“It’s never been done before. But I realize it’s not as important as Friday night.”

“When Miss USA decides that she’s going to make a porn movie, people are going to really talk about it,” Hirsh tells McCarty in their conference.
McCarty who can’t escape ongoing references to her former glory, either, says if someone had asked her to do porn back then she would probably have said no.

“But never say never.”

McCarty tells Hirsch that if she’s going to do this, she doesn’t want it to be some sex tape that’s found and sold. [Probably meaning a celebrity tape.]

“You never see celebrities come to you and say I need a career change,” Hirsch chimes in.

“I just want to make a change and I have an idea for a script,” McCarty says.

“This is a genre that would enable me to be a part of this project from beginning to end- let’s make a movie!”

“I’ve never directed a film with anyone the caliber of Miss USA,” an obviously impressed P.T. later intones. “Miss USA is going to get fucked in my movie!”

Thomas now annoyed with everyone asking him how the “fucking script” is coming, wonders if McCarty might be an acceptable lead for the Deeper Throat project.