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Will Bobbi Eden Really Make Good on Her World Cup BJ Offer? One Writer Doubts It

Jelisa Castrodale writes on – I blame Diego Maradona. Argentina’s adorably unhinged coach made a pre-World Cup promise to run naked through the streets if La Albiceleste brought the trophy back to the southern hemisphere, so when Germany buried the Blue and White 4-0, the citizens of Buenos Aires probably didn’t know whether to be devastated or relieved. Last week, his offer was copied by Larissa Riquelme, a lingerie model who said she’d streak Paraguay’s capital if her boys won. Even though the team has already booked their return flights, she still intends to unsnap her bra and lace her sneakers this weekend “as a present to all of the players and for all the people of Paraguay to enjoy.”

And now — less than seven days later — Riquelme’s R-rated sprint seems almost quaint compared to the offer made by Dutch porn star and Oranje supporter Bobbi Eden. The Hague-born thirty-year-old has promised to … um … how do I put this delicately? To … uh … blow the vuvuzelas of all of her Twitter followers if the Netherlands beat Spain in Sunday’s Cup final. That keeps with the spirit of the game, I guess, since she won’t have to use her hands.

Either Eden doesn’t understand the concept of time or she’s only pretending that this proposal is for real. “Details on how to collect,” she tweeted yesterday, “will be given after the final.” Perhaps sensing that she’s, uh, mouthed off, Eden did enlist the assistance of three other porn actresses, including someone called “Miss Hybrid”, who must be the most fuel-efficient of the group.

When Eden initially made her 140-character proposition, she had 3,592 followers. As of this afternoon, she’s well over the 75,000 mark, and the numbers are spinning skyward faster than anything this side of the national debt. Given that there are 1,440 minutes in a day and assuming they worked with pit crew efficiency, Eden and her assistants would be living a Prince song around-the-clock for almost two weeks. If the Oranje do beat Spain on Sunday, FIFA’s initials will officially stand for “Follow Instructions For Antibiotics”.

But that, of course, assumes that she’s serious. Which she’s not. She can’t be. After all, she’s a woman who earns a living by faking things. Eden is the star of classics like “Innocent Until Proven Filthy”, “Humpalong Cassidy”, and “18 and Lost in Cleveland”, which sounds less like erotica and more like a horror flick. In the past seven years, she’s been in over eighty flicks, getting spelunked by a (sometimes literally) rotating cast of co-stars whose pseudonyms read like rejected Garbage Pail Kids: Erik Everhard, Jewel De’Nyle and — I swear to you — Seymore Butts.

Eden is attractive enough, though, like a female version of Nicolette Sheridan. Her Twitter background features a glowing photoshop where she’s wearing what looks like a corn husk and hovering above the Impact font-ed claim that she’s the No. 1 Dutch Porn Star. I haven’t researched it, but that sounds like something that would have a limited sample size; the equivalent of christening yourself the No. 1 Egyptian Downhill Skiier.

I didn’t know any of these things until this morning, until I clicked one of the countless stories that have been written since her Twitter tease. As a woman, I’m pretty sure my XX chromosomes are supposed to be outraged by her XXX occupation, by her willingness to exploit herself or reinforce gender stereotypes or some other criticism that I could imagine coming out of the mouths of women who won’t wear makeup.

But I’m not.

I’m in no position (no pun intended) to make value judgments about her lifestyle or the fact that she’s been probed more than most alien abductees. Honestly, I applaud her business sense, for understanding that the demographics for Triple X flicks and Twitter probably overlap like the surgically-enhanced orbs that extend from her sternum. She’s managed to put the T & A in ‘target marketing’ in a way that I find only slightly more attention-whorish than “O,” Oprah’s magazine that only features pictures of Oprah on the cover.

Eden knows that whether or not she gets mouth calluses is irrelevant; she’s in it for the page views, the mouse clicks and the influx of subscribers to her pay-per-view web ‘Club.’ Her Twitter stream is endlessly repetitive and always promotional, the dirty digital version of those airplanes who fly the same banners above busy beaches all summer. She continuously links to one of her many webcam sites and you don’t need to speak Dutch to understand a group of bored-looking women who sprawl on scruffy upholstery and flash their umlauts to an anonymous audience.

By the time the players trudge off the field after Sunday’s game, Eden will have hundreds of thousands of followers and only the most delusional of them should be surprised when she calls the whole thing off or announces that — surprise! — “Free BJ” is the name of her next film. There’s no downside; more people will talk about her, visit her sites or give her the page views she needs. I just hope Diego Maradona doesn’t get any ideas.


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