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XPT Thread: Kurt Lockwood’s Bastard Child?

> Conky writes on Oh, this is horrible, wrong in so many ways. Disgusting. Weird. Not right.

Gene Ross is running a story [pictured from KSEX] about Alana Evans’ trip to KSEX this week.

I hand you over to that titan of broadcasting, Wankus:

“Alana was talking about how Kurt Lockwood purposely got her pregnant and she got an abortion,” Wankus reports. “This was show of the year shit. And then she goes off on Tina Tyler, that Tina Tyler is stealing her product. We tried to get Tina on the phone but she wouldn’t comment.”

Wankus continues.

“Alana Evans came on and said when they shot Cheating Housewives Kurt was whispering in her ear, ‘I want to have a kid with you. I think it would be great to have a baby.’ Alana is saying to him don’t joke like that, it’s too weird. Then he came inside her during a scene. So she decided not to make a big deal out of it because Kurt is so fucking dramatic to say I want you to keep my baby. So she ignored it.

“Then at AVN Kurt comes up to her booth and says, hey you’re promoting ‘Housewives’- that’s the movie I knocked you up in. She talked about this on the air. It was great.”

Ok. So Alana should be wise enough to use birth control if she’s going to work with someone as ‘dramatic’ as Kurt. But what the fuck was Kurt on?

Is the planet ready for the bastard child of Lockwood?

> Bornyo adds:Why aren’t ALL the whores on birth control? It’s incredible to me that they aren’t.

I wonder if Kurt would do his kid like he did his dog?


> Moronboy writes:I think I’ve asked before, but one has gotta wonder how many kids are walking the earth whose conception can be confirmed to happening in a porn flick?

“Mommy, how did you meet Daddy?”

“He was one of the 15 men on the set of Cum Dumpster, Gutter Slut DP Gangbang who happened to accidentally shot his load inside of me on a day I forgot to take my pill, dear. I was going to have an abortion, but my crack-addicted roommate stole the money I had saved up for it from the envelope I had sitting on top of the refrigerator. I tried to purposely miscarry you instead by tumbling down a flight of stairs, drinking heavily every night, doing every drug imaginable and a few other things, but you were just a tough little guy and hung in there. Mommy’s tough wittle baby boy, yes you are.”(says the last line in a cutesy baby-talk way while pinching him on the cheek and giving him a big kiss on the cheek when she’s finished with the story)

> Willie D writes:You know Lackwood is getting feedback from others on what we say about him, so here goes:

Hi, dirtbag, how are you?

I know it eats you up inside, that you can’t just go off the meds and fire off some MySpace blasts like you used to, or show up and challenge some random dude to a fight. Even funnier, you’re only doing it for the money. Your monetary future is linked to you beginning to behave like something other than a simian washed up band roadie and male escort. Did you really blow Jennifer James after shooting wrapped on Exxxtra, like I’ve been hearing? Or maybe you and your fake-ex-cop buddy Jackoff Lawrence took turns.

Just keep it all bottled up, so you can continue to earn some scratch. And thank the creator that Alana elected to abort the genetic cesspool that you shot into her.


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