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You Must Remember This, a Piss is Just a Piss

Porn Valley- Skeeter Kerkove, and I have a chat late Saturday night. Skeeter apparently got the rundown on the Missy Monroe drama earlier that day on Bridgette Kerkove’s set.

Skeeter’s of the belief that all this talk about squirting is nonsense, that girls are actually peeing not having orgasms.

“Bridgette doesn’t want peeing in her movies,” Skeeter explains. “Let the other idiots and losers have it. Let the Axel Brauns and the Patrick Collinses- the men who had to have made it past six grade- try to convince people that it’s an orgasm.

“It’s impossible for the female body to ejaculate like that,” continues Skeeter, telling me he’s one of the few directors who doesn’t develop crushes on the female performers, hence buy into their squirting b.s. It’s also Skeeter’s opinion that Missy Monroe is “a stupid attention whore”.

Skeeter says the beauty of a hardcore female director like a Bridgette Kerkove is that there’s no flirting with the talent, hence no coddling to attention-whore whims on the set: “Do your best scene and get the fuck out.” Skeeter’s stressing again and again that you don’t try to sell him on this squirting business.

“It’s like you’re trying to convince somebody of something that’s not true when you know it’s medically impossible,” he states. “That person knows that they’re pissing. You know that’s why they’re drinking all that water. Take a bitch and sit her down, “Hey, babe. Here’s $5,000 cash. The next four hours you will suck on ice cubes. When it comes time for sex, let’s see you squirt with four hours of no liquid.’ I know every way around this stupid, fucking lame ass game. It’s so funny how a girl gets into the business and doesn’t squirt. Then learns from somebody about the power of squirting. You’re drinking water to where it’s so overwhelming, your urine, that you can learn quickly to relax and let it roll out. “Bridgette used to have to endure this with Alicia Klass in 1999,” he goes on to say. “When Bridgette used to do the stupid ass squirting, she didn’t lie to anybody. You want me to squirt? Okay, I need some water. I got to pee. Give me the bottle, so her and Alicia would be drinking all these bottles. ‘Oh, I squirting!’ It was unbelievable.”

Skeeter describes an instance where Bridgette and Alicia soaked an entire bed. “It goes from completely dry to completely drenched wet,” he says. “What they would do is they would go into Adam’s [Glasser] bathroom. They’d have 16 oz bottles of water while they were taking a break. Then they’d do their thing.”

Skeeter says that photog Richard Montfort has a picture of “a recent award winner” and closeup shots of her “squirting”.

“It clearly shows that stream coming right out her piss hole,” Skeeter claims. “Richard Montfort has it from a Jim Powers set.” Skeeter goes on to say that Bridgette isn’t afraid to step on toes when it comes to “lame ass” claims of squirting.

“This industry is so stupid, it’s a fucking joke,” says Skeeter. “I have people trying to convince me it’s real because they saw it. This lying has been going on way before 1999 when Bridgette was doing it and Alicia was doing it. The only thing is Bridgette wouldn’t lie. ‘I’ll call it squirting but we all know I’m peeing.'” Skeeter’s recalling another instance involving Tina Cheri and that she was taught “the squirting tricks” by Leisuretime in 1996.

“It’s insane how mad people will get over this stupid fucking pissing,” Skeeter continues. “Jim Powers did the girl bukkake. What did he do to make sure everybody would squirt? Unlimited beer and water on the set. Ashley Blue knew she was going to be taking a lot of piss that day. That’s just the way it was. Jim also told me that while filming Dementia 2, Missy Monroe was a nightmare. Her then boyfriend Joel Lawrence was so mad at her, he slapped her across the face from the screaming and the yelling. That was the day the crush on Missy Monroe ended from Jim Powers because he realized she went overboard with the attention whore-deficit problem.

“We already know that she’s bummed out that she didn’t win the AVN Best New Starlet to a girl who doesn’t do anal. But you know what? Missy should have gotten thinner, been a brunette and made more visits. She did make ‘visits’ but, obviously, not to the right person. You have to be a waif brunette for the extra edge. Missy really believed she was going to win that award.”

According to Skeeter, Monroe allegedly made comments on a set that she was promised Best New Starlet. “She was bragging about it in the [Skeeter’s] living room. She had been drinking. Her mouth was going. There’s usually alcohol here to help everyone relax.”

Getting into the physics of piss displacement, Skeeter says, “Picture a quart of beer. Where does this fit inside a woman’s body? You’re telling me there’s a secret place on say, Cytherea’s body, where that holds 32 ounces of cum? A secret part that holds a quarter pound of cum at all times? You know how absurd this is, that the biggest [male] pop shot in porn wouldn’t make a mark in a one ounce shot glass. Picture some of the greatest like Peter North.

“My favorite one is where Tianna Lynn does three or four mammoth squirts in one scene. You add that up and it’s over a gallon. You say to yourself where inside that little body can there hold 128 ounces of cum? Where inside these girls are they able to store 2 to 8 pounds of semen at all times inside their body? How come nobody’s thought of the mathematics? Is that because Ben Hoffman says I’m [Skeeter, that is] not only a porn producer/director but I’m also a porn engineer?”

Skeeter goes on to note that in Missy Monroe’s first year in porn there was never a squirt. “Where did this come from all of a sudden? So has Kat. I have Missy Monroe cumming on video for real in a pile driver, from doing three guys. You know how they shut their eyes and flutter. They rub their clit almost frustrated because it’s taking so long then finally they break lose and the hand slows down. Then the clit becomes too sensitive…”

Skeeter also mentions Tim of Naughty Modeling explaining that his girls will teach the other girls how to squirt. “So they’re literally training other girls, drink lots of water- you have to learn to let that bladder go.”


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