The XRCO Awards were held last night. The Rob Black Show was on the air and reported the results as they happened.
At 9:23 pm there was still no word on winners. I couldn’t believe that a show that was supposed to start at 8 pm hadn’t started yet. So I went over to Bill Margold’s Twitter to see if that decrepit fat fuck tweeted any information. Here was his only update posted 5 hours earlier:
“Poor Stupor Man and his Boy Blunder’s lame attempt at mocking XRCO 30 merely reflects their realization that they are a truly classless act.”
How the fuck were we mocking the XRCO Awards? We paid more attention to this stupid awards show than any other media outlets. Mike South hasn’t talked about the XRCO yet. Neither has Lukeisback or Lukeford.com. XBIZ put out a couple press releases. AVN put out a press release or two. Neither put out anything on the day of the show like we did as a reminder. www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=60352
Isn’t that something? Even when you put the word out about somebody’s event you get your balls busted about it. When I looked at AVN yesterday, I didn’t see anything that said don’t forget that tonight is the XRCO Awards. No mention of the XRCO Awards since April 10th. Go to XBIZ and the same thing. Nothing mentioning that the XRCO was that night. We put out a fun little piece on the day of the show and Bill Margold busts our balls. Is this guy a fucking douchebag or what? Nobody else is talking about his shitty awards show except us and he’s busting our stones. What a jealous bitter old cunt.
Anyway, fuck him. Let’s see how we did with our predictions. It took a while to get the results, but somebody reminded me that when we won our award for Best Drama Parody for Taxi Driver XXX a couple years ago, the award wasn’t presented until 11:30 at night. At around 10 o’clock the results finally started trickling in.
Axel Braun won Best Parody (Comic) for Man of Steel. Ladies and gentlemen, the winner is Man of Steel. Did I call it? I believe I did. Rob Black called that winner, you motherfuckers. Jimmy The Greek here. Jimmy The Greek. Chalk it up. I am the master prognosticator.
I then got word that Jeff Mullen/Will Ryder won. Won for what? He beat Axel for Best Parody Director. OK missed that one, but we did give Will an honorable mention, so I consider that a half right prediction. BUT, we were dead on when we predicted that Grease XXX would win Best Comedy Parody. Jimmy The Greek is pulling out the wins! Rob Black nails it on the head, baby. I’m calling em left and right, motherfuckers. That’s what Rob Black does. I call winners.
Who else did I call? Best New Stud was Tyler Nixon. I was hitting on all cylinders last night. Tom Byron sent me that information as it happened. Vicki Chase won Orgasmic Oralist? Fuck her, I didn’t call that. I lost that one. Fuck her. Then Katie Summers hit me and said Swiney (Tim Von Swine) won best POV. Did I call Swiney? I said Jules Jordan. But POV Pervert is distributed by Jules, so Swiney did win. So far, 4 and a half wins.
Mason won Best Non-Feature Director. I said Jules, so I lost that one. Motherfucker! Very upsetting. What was I thinking? How did that slip through my little dago fingers? Sorry, I let you guys down on that one.
Let’s see how else I did. I’m doing good so far, though. I hit Man of Steel, I hit Tyler Nixon and I hit Grease and halfway predicted Mullen for Parody Director. I also called Swiney, even though I said Jules for POV Pervert. Doing pretty good, guys. I wonder if that’s why Bill Margold said I was mocking the awards, because I was predicting the winners. Think that’s what he meant? I’m giving this thing more attention than anybody, how is that mocking? Whatever.
Vicki Chase won Unsung Siren. I said Mischa Brooks. Who cares. I don’t know either one of them. I only care about the big awards anyway.
My email then goes off with the news that Bonnie Rotten is your 2014 XRCO Superslut. Nailed it. BOOYA! I’m jacking home runs! Bill Margold must’ve seen the list beforehand and was mad because I called so many winners.
This is exciting. I’m gonna start doing kung fu in this motherfucker. It hurts how many home runs I’m hitting here.
We are The Rob Black Show. We were the only ones that I know of who were covering the show live and announcing the winners as they happened. Because we care. AVN don’t give two shits about it and XBIZ don’t give two shits about it. This is the most coverage that Dirty Shithead Bob and Bill Margold have seen of their lame ass show. We made predictions and they are paying off in leaps and fucking bounds. We’re not getting nothing from it. Nothing but a big bowl of shit. It’s just the joy I feel inside from calling winners. I know winners like TNT knows drama.
Here comes another home run. Remy LaCroix Best Actress. BOOYA! I called it. Who wants to suck on my big fat motherfuckin sauseege? Who called it? Rob called it. The man, the myth, the legend.
I’m telling ya, I’m hitting home runs. Do you guys know what home runs are? That’s what I’m hitting. Some of you don’t know what that’s like, because you’ve sat on the bench while people like me hit home runs. I’ll hit left. I’ll hit right. I’ll hit from both sides of the plate.
Gimme something else. I’m on fire. I’m sssmokin. Underworld won Best Epic. Called that one. Also called Best Feature with Submission of Emma Marx.
Fuck it, I’m getting tired with all these home runs I’m hitting. Here is the list of winners that AVN posted at 11:30 pm after The Rob Black Show went off the air:
Best Release: The Submission of Emma Marx, New Sensations Erotic Stories *
Best Epic: Underworld, Wicked Pictures *
Best Parody (Comedy): Grease XXX: A Parody, Adam & Eve Pictures *
Best Parody (Drama): OMG … It’s the Leaving Las Vegas XXX Parody, Septo/Paradox/Exquisite
Best Parody (Comic): Man of Steel XXX: An Axel Braun Parody, VividXXXSuperheroes *
Best Gonzo Movie: Remy LaCroix’s Anal Cabo Weekend, LeWood/Buttman/Evil Angel
Best Gonzo Series: Wet Asses, Jules Jordan Video
Best Girl/Girl Series: Women Seeking Women, Girlfriends Films *
Best POV Series: POV Pervert, Mike John/Jules Jordan *
Best Ethnic Series: Asian Fuck Faces, Jonni Darkko/Evil Angel
Best Director (Features): Jacky St. James
Best Director (Non-Features): Mason
Best Director (Parody): Will Ryder 1/2 *
Best Web Director: Greg Lansky, Reality Kings
Best Actress: Remy LaCroix, The Temptation of Eve, New Sensations Erotic Stories *
Best Actor: Richie Calhoun, The Submission of Emma Marx, New Sensations Erotic Stories
Female Performer of the Year: Remy LaCroix
Male Performer of the Year: Manuel Ferrara
New Starlet: A.J. Applegate
New Stud: Tyler Nixon *
Unsung Siren: Vicki Chase
Unsung Swordsman: Johnny Castle
Cream Dream: Mia Malkova
Superslut: Bonnie Rotten *
Orgasmic Oralist: Vicki Chase
Orasmic Analist: Jada Stevens
MILF of the Year: Francesca Lé
Best Cumback: Sunny Lane
Mainstream Adult Media Favorite: James Deen
XRCO Hall of Fame:
Brigitte Lahaie – Film Pioneer
Axel Braun – Director
Rebecca Bardoux – Actress
Tera Patrick – Actress
Stormy Daniels – Actress
Taylor Wane – Actress
Mark Wood – Actor
Tony Montana – Actor
Slave to Love, Rosebud; d. Alex DeRenzy – Best Movie (1993)
So out of over 20 categories, we nailed 9 and a half, including the biggies, Best Release, Best Epic, Best Comic Parody, Best Comedy Parody, Best Actress and of course Superslut Bonnie Rotten. Our picks are marked with an asterisk.
All in all not a bad ratio. Jimmy The Greek would be proud.
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